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Original poster

Hand hold - I had to give my baby CPR

136 replies

BatmansBoxers · 29/03/2019 06:27

My little girl. She had bronchiolitis and was discharged from hospital but the next day I thought she looked sleepy and wasn't feeding well. I thought maybe theyd keep her and give her the NG tube back, but I sat in the back of the car with her while my mum drove is back in because I didn't think she looked right and she seemed to be shallow breathing.

She turned yellow, her eyes rolled and then stayed open, she made a horrible gasp and then just...stopped. She just stared completely unresponsive.

We were on a motorway and had to pull over and I called 999 and I had to resuscitate her but she still wouldn't breathe and I keep worrying I did it wrong because her chest didn't rise. She kept gasping but only a couple of times a minute, and I keep seeing her just staring at me glassy eyed.

Paramedics took over when they got here and they got her back but it was so so so horrible. There were loads of consultants there when we arrived and they managed to sort her out but told me had we been minutes later she would've died.

She's currently in hospital on CPAP, the diagnosis is a new infection that's turned into pneumonia and it collapsed her airways but I feel so upset by what's happened I don't know why I'm writing this just need someone to listen and tell me she'll be okay I guess

OP posts:
BishopBrennansArse · 29/03/2019 07:58

You did the best you possibly could for your little girl all the way through, OP. I know it's impossible to not 'what if' but try to go easy on yourself.

Whilst I can't predict the future she's in the best possible place at the moment, they wouldn't have sent you home if they thought you should be there.

Just be kind to yourself

Canshopwillshop · 29/03/2019 08:02

You are amazing, well done! You kept calm and did what was needed in an utterly terrifying situation. I hope your DD recovers quickly.

Mrsmch123 · 29/03/2019 08:04

Be kind to yourself. You saved your little girls life!wether or not you did cpr absolutely correctly is irrelevant, you did enough for the paramedics and drs to work with and at the end of the day that's all that matters!its hard to keep it together when in such a stressful situation but you did exactly that.hope your little one makes a speedy recovery

SkintAsASkintThing · 29/03/2019 08:06

Well I think you're rather, bloody amazing. Flowers

Take time to take care of yourself and deal with the shock as well. But really, well done. Your daughter is still here because you stayed so calm.

PurpleFlower1983 · 29/03/2019 08:10

You poor thing Flowers xx

I really hope your little girl is on the mend.

XXcstatic · 29/03/2019 08:13

I am a doctor with a lot of emergency care experience. I find resuscitating children terrifying and upsetting - there is so much at stake. I can't even imagine the stress of having to do it on my baby.

You have done an incredible, heroic thing. You kept your cool in the most stressful situation imaginable, and you saved her life. Hope your DD is on the mend very soon Thanks

GruciusMalfoy · 29/03/2019 08:14

I'm tearing up just reading this, you are so brave, you helped save your little girl. Amazing. Take care of yourselves, I hope she's better and able to be home with you soon. Flowers

Grundtal · 29/03/2019 08:16

You did everything you could and you saved her life. You are amazing. Please be kind to yourself.

DogHairEverywhere · 29/03/2019 08:29

Wow, you're amazing.
I can't imagine how frightening it must have been for you! But it sounds like you did do all the right things as they've been able to stabilise her.
Well done and Thanks for you.

Pk37 · 29/03/2019 08:31

How scary!
You did the right thing and I really hope your little girl makes a speedy recovery

PhoenixMama · 29/03/2019 08:40

This totally made me tear up reading this. You did amazingly well & are an incredible mama. Definitely ask for some counselling though because this is exactly the sort of thing that turns into PTSD. FlowersCakeWine

sashh · 29/03/2019 08:43

Well done OP

You are probably still in shock. A horrible thing to happen but so glad you knew what to do.

diddl · 29/03/2019 08:46

You can't have done it wrong-you kept her breathing until help arrived.

You must be so traumatised-shock at having to do it & the thought of what could have happened.

All the best to you all.

bellabasset · 29/03/2019 09:00

In your situation I think people's instinct comes into play and you act on autopilot. Then you must have felt so shaken afterwards. I hope your little one is getting better.Flowers

RockinHippy · 29/03/2019 09:00

Ive been there twice when mine was small, with what also turned out to be pneumonia the second time, (bad reaction to a jab the first time) it's gut wrenching & leaves you badly shook up but everything is geared up for your DD & you just get on with it because you have to, but you are in shock.

I later realised that I'd probably had a level of PTSD from it, looking back I wish I'd gone for counselling for it & would highly recommend that you do as I'm not sure how much of that has played into my health problems.

One thing that did help me though, I remember resuscitating DD & feeling so scared that I didn't have a clue what I was doing, feeling I would hurt her more, but knew she wouldn't survive if I didn't act. Once I was safely in hospital with her I still couldn't sleep as I was on high alert to her stopping breathing again & felt so out of my depth. The main paediatric doctor took me to one side & it always stuck in my head when he said "you are not out of your depth, Mother's instinctively knows how to resuscitate their little ones, it's nature & that's where us doctors lean it from, you did exactly the right things & nobody taught you that, because you just know it"

That thought helped me a lot.

Be very kind to yourself, you have had a pretty major trauma 💐💐💐

worriedwinfred · 29/03/2019 09:05

My heart breaks for you having to go that. Once your little girl is getting better I would seek some counselling or therapy for what you had to do find someone to talk to. Keep strong OP you've done amazing Flowers

Ironymaiden · 29/03/2019 09:05

I don’t know what to say but didn’t want to read and ignore, I’m so sorry, it sounds absolutely terrifying but you sound as if you handled it amazingly. You kept her alive. You make sure to look after yourself in all this too.

angieloumc · 29/03/2019 09:10

That must have been awful for you but you have done so well helping her like that.
I hope she recovers soon and that you do too, what a shock for you.

tablelegs · 29/03/2019 10:52

That's terrifying op.

Well done you for holding it together while you did CPR - you saved her life!!

Wishing your girl a speedy recovery.

Don't be surprised if you feel tearful, pick up the phone and speak to someone about what happened.

EvaHarknessRose · 29/03/2019 11:09

You did brilliantly. I am learning my paediatric resuscitation at the moment and you were the first two links in the chain of survival - spotting the signs, buying time by performing CPR. You've had an awful trauma, so be kind to yourself, talk about it to others, cry a lot, let your brain process it. And as you get through this, try to ease back on the inevitable feeling that you should be hypervigilant or avoid leaving her. You can get through these difficult times.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 29/03/2019 11:50

"You're amazing"

^

This 1000%.

Also please do not feel guilt about having a good night sleep.
You're going to need as much sleep as you can get. Your little one is in the best place.
Love thoughts and prayers. XFlowersStar and a Bear for your gorgeous little one.

ArthurSidebottom · 29/03/2019 11:57

You did so, so well. You kept calm and saved your daughter's life! That's amazing, please, please don't feel guilty xxx

Try to be kind to yourself and think what you would say to a friend who'd experienced this. You'd be telling her how amazing she was but also listening to how frightening living through that was. Can you find someone to talk to?

RumbleMum · 29/03/2019 12:03

Oh OP, you did so, so brilliantly and held it together when your daughter needed you. Having said that, I can't imagine what you are going through now. I'm not an expert but have some personal experience of trauma reactions and it's highly likely you will have one. If you can afford it, please consider counselling a little further down the line to help you process what happened.

WhiskersOnCats · 29/03/2019 12:10

Oh my what a shock! How could they have let her home?
When did they let her home?

Dramatical · 29/03/2019 12:13

Wow. You saved your daughters life Thanks

Amazing Halo

I hope you get the chance to talk it over with someone, I think that's important for you, and I hope your DD is feeling better very very soon

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