To ask you for the most stupid household domestic idiocy

[MyKingdomForACaramel]

Dh put a wash on yesterday- couldn’t find the wash gel lid thingy (that you would put the gel in). So instead used a flglass ramekin!!!
Yes he really put a glass ramekin full of washing liquid in the washing machine...

Please tell me I’m not alone...

Pressure cooker not working properly; just not getting enough pressure, so I put a cast iron pan on top of it for extra weight. The valve blew and there was beans all ower the kitchen ceiling and walls.

Over cooked boiled eggs, pan went dry, eggs exploded. Once again the result was that the ceiling had its periodic clean.

FIL had a hostess trolley that used get wheeled out every year for Christmas dinner. One of those things that you plug in to keep the food warm. One Christmas someone commented that the celery tasted a bit funny. And then someone else asked who had prepped the celery. Blank stares all round.

It was from the previous Christmas

DH made me a crumble as a surprise.

Thought the powder in a wee tub was sugar, it was Costco floor/laundry cleaner.

He is super-bright but has the occasional lapses of judgment.

One year old celery! Yuck. But who has celery on Xmas day?

I left the giblets in the turkey the first time I did Christmas dinner. Found the slightly melted manky bag as I was carving.

Made a risotto the other day and had boiled the kettle to make some stock. Put the kettle back down and after about 10 minutes could smell this awful acrid burning smell. I had left the electric kettle switched on and the heating element had gone black.

Have had a particularly soft defrosted pizza fall through the bars before too.

Today I cooked potato wedges in the oven. And set them on fire . Guess I had too much oil or something. I'm not used to cooking with gas, that's my excuse.

I have in the past:

Vacuumed and run over its own cord. Stripped the insulation down to the metal.

Taken the lid off the toilet cistern to fix it - and dropped it onto the bowl. It cracked the bowl.

Cooked kangaroo steak and burned it so bad the frying pan never did get clean after.

Left a mega box of matches on top of the eye level grill, and made cheese on toast. They all went up in flames. The landlord, who lived in, was furious, with another tenant

I put six eggs in a saucepan to boil and completely forgot about them. I went outside to help with some gardening and went back in at least an hour later. The hob was still on, the water had completely disappeared and the eggs were a black mangled mess clinging to the base of the pan.

The same week I put fish fillets to bake in the oven for the cat. Forgot those too!

The worst thing we did was leave half a freshly cooked chicken in the oven to cool. It had to put somewhere the cat wouldn’t get it. Anyway, we forgot about it and went on a cruise the next day! It was found halfway through the week by my sister, who was feeding my cats for me. She was too terrified to take it out so sent my mum round! The smell was pretty bad apparently.

Bought a house with a lovely big gas cooker, had a fancy glass lid that you could put down over the burners for extra bench space.
Lasted about 2 years before someone put it down on a burner that wasn’t quite turned off. There a skylight directly overhead and in the daytime it was hard to see the flames.

Luckily there was no-one in the kitchen when it exploded.

My dad used to refrigerate and freeze his tins grin

My DGM always used to keep unopened tins and packets of biscuits in the fridge - but the butter lived permanently on the table, next to the radiator.

It went in man sized but came out teddy bear sized.

A uni housemate used MY deep-fat fryer (never asked if it was OK or indeed a wise thing to do) to try and make cheesy peas (anybody remember the Fast Show?)

He also did the washing up once and absent-mindedly took the cordless kettle off its mains-connected base and plunged it straight into the hot soapy water (exposed electrical connection socket down).

He was also given a great condition but somewhat vintage microwave/combi oven by some friends. We'd agreed to help with a hospitality welcome event for Freshers' Week and were doing jacket potatoes for a dozen or so recent arrivals.

He didn't realise that the knob on the oven was in Fahrenheit (didn't cross his mind at all to wonder why it went up to over 400 degrees), so he ended up feeding these poor, shy freshers - still all missing their mums' wonderful home-cooked cuisine and unfamiliar with, shall we say, less-accomplished skill levels - rock-hard potatoes that had been 'baked' to the same extent as they would have been had they been left in a cooled-down mug of tea for an hour or so.

They all politely thanked us and said how delicious they were before they left - and we got on with tidying everything away, including chucking a dozen uneaten potatoes straight into the bin....

Another housemate liked Weetabix and kept a big supply of it in a huge plastic tupperwear-type box.

Nothing weird so far. Except that he would take the box in to the bathroom every morning and sit there eating from it (no milk or spoon) whilst he was, erm, at ease.

The bathroom wall was thin and the door didn't fit in the frame properly, so we could clearly hear the simultaneous dry-crunching, scoffing, grunting and plopping going on. I presume he was aiming for peak efficiency by turning himself into a human perpetual motion machine.

I was on clean up duty wuht a friend after a wedding. The bride and groom had had the wedding party in their house and then gone on honeymoon.

So we started in the kitchen where there had been a chocolate fountain and fruit. There was loads of fruit left over so rather than bin it I decided to make sugar syrup and preserve the fruit, I thought it would be nice for them to come home to and I'd done it a few times with good results.

But I was in a strange town so I didn't know where the local shop that sells all the things your granny used growing up was so I went to Tesco. Tesco sell jars with lids and rubber seals. They look like preserving jars but they are not.

The bride and groom came home to a clean house and a 'blup blup' sound as the fruit had fermented and escaped the jars.

Not good at labelling things in the freezer. I spent hours making a Jane Grigson rabbit pie and thought I would thriftily top it with some leftover pastry from the freezer. Pastry didn't handle terribly well but I carried on. It turned out to be lemon biscuit mixture.

Oh and burning down the kitchen by leaving toast in a toaster underneath cupboards. Toaster failed to pop up

I was baking a cake and I used salt instead of sugar.

I've mentioned this before on here but here goes- dp used toilet cleaning wipes to wipe his bum instead of actual toilet wipes.
He wasn't impressed when I told him that he'd inadvertently put Domestos up his bum.

grumpbum and leemon your peas and colander and dropping the cake stories made me smile!

We didn't live together before we got married (as we were working opposite ends of the country, then moved elsewhere once married). Two weeks in, I decided to christen our new washing machine by washing DHs work uniforms amongst other urgent stuff. Naively I didn't check his pockets... And washed our Wedding Certificate which he had taken to work.

I've also poured hot water into the coffee jar.

My 7yo daughter was trying to get her toast from the toaster without burning herself... So balanced her plastic plate on top. Toaster full of melted plastic...

I was making a baked cheesecake. Takes a while as you have to add all the ingredients slowly .Poured it into a springform cake tin. But must not have closed the tin. So as I lifted it to put in oven, all the mixture poured all over the countertops like a vanilla tsumai.

As a teenager, I put crispbreads in the toaster

I once put dirty baby bottles in the steriliser. I genuinely had no idea that you had to wash the bottles first. In my defence I was only 16 and trying to do a nice thing for the couple I was babysitting for.

I was babysitting and thought it would be a good idea to copy the “make your own Easter egg” from a kids tv show. They melted chocolate and slathered it on a balloon, then popped the balloon leaving the chocolate shell behind. I didn’t realise you had to cool the chocolate first! The balloon withstood the heat for a minute or two until it was thickly covered in melted chocolate, then violently exploded. I was left with a screaming chocolate-splattered child and a LOT of cleaning.

In my first houseshare, there was a separate tumbler machine for clothes and I managed to tumble instead of washing my clothes. They were quite hot but not clean...

I sent my dh out for bacon when we were dating and then eviscerated it. I didn't check it often enough and it was just black dripping through the tray.

I was merrily using the hedge trimmer in the front garden, tackling some particularly stubborn ivy. Went back inside to use the internet - no connection. Tried phone - no dial tone. I 'd cut through the phone line out front!

I was making Scottish tablet which is like a kind of fudge. I was stirring it and realised it had caught a bit in the bottom of the pan. No problem. I thought I’d strain it through the sieve into another pan to salvage it and so as to not have brown burnt flecks through it.

Except I used the plastic sieve not the metal one. The molten tablet melted and vapourised the sieve and I was just looking at the handle and rim of the sieve wondering where the rest of it was.

A bottle of champagne in the fridge accidentally touched the back of the fridge causing it to freeze and then explode. Managed to smash 2 glass fridge shelves in the process, ruin all the food in the fridge and fill the fridge with a champagne and glass shards slush. Messy!!!

Also put a whole fresh lasagne on an electric hob and the dish got too hot and smashed ruining dinner. V sad at that one!