To ask you for the most stupid household domestic idiocy

[MyKingdomForACaramel]

Dh put a wash on yesterday- couldn’t find the wash gel lid thingy (that you would put the gel in). So instead used a flglass ramekin!!!
Yes he really put a glass ramekin full of washing liquid in the washing machine...

Please tell me I’m not alone...

My dad put an unopened Fray Bentos tinned pie in the microwave and went for a bath. Neither pie nor microwave survived.

When my uncle was in teacher training in the 1960's he put an unopened tin of baked bean to heat in a saucepan of hot water (don't know why he didn't just open it) and had a nice little explosion.

I have - once - put the polystyrene sauce pot from a takeaway in the microwave. Not good!

I also put meat on a plate in the microwave to defrost. Cue funny sounds. Didn't realise the pretty gold rim on the plate was actually gold!!!!!

Our house came with an ancient old Aga, which we turned off after receiving an eye watering gas bill.

3 years later when we decorated the kitchen, we had it removed. The Aga man found four shrivelled cannon balls at the back of one of the ovens - I'd apparently been making jacket spuds in it and forgotten all about them.

Memorable moment from my childhood was when mum was making treacle scones with treacle from a tin that had been in the cupboard for an unknown number of years. There was a bang, a clatter and a shriek and we raced through to see treacle on the ceiling, on mum's face, everywhere. As she'd loosened the lid of the tin it blew off like some sort of treacle Vesuvius. Was quite impressive.

Also DH - put a homemade steak sauce on the dog biscuits then couldn't work out where his sauce went grin (dogs did not appreciate a garlic and wine cream sauce)

Your dogs clearly have very unsophisticated palates, Handbag, my DDog loves anything garlicky and creamy. She'd jump through hoops for pasta carbonara.

She loves chilli and curry as well. (We only ever let her have a tiny bit, and yes, I do know that garlic in large quantities is toxic to dogs.)

We put a throw away BBQ on our ,then new plastic patio table , cooking nicely , then the whole lot fell through a nicely melted hole it had made

Do you live in Carshalton Beeches, mooy? If so, I think I might know you in RL...

Moved in to a brand new house share with brand new appliances.... I was the first to use the oven and didn't notice that the pack of instructions/warranty etc was still in there.... They were charred to a crisp..:/

DH, unusually for him, made two errors one after the other.

1. Tried to boil an egg in its shell in the microwave. The egg, the bowl it was in, and the microwave all exploded with such force that it took the brackets off the wall.

1. Having cleared up the debris and soothed the terrified dog, he then used the handheld Dyson to hoover up the partially cooked egg pieces from the floor - but didn't empty it. The smell when I went to use the hoover a week later was unholy.

I've done plenty of stupid things in my time but can't recall them at the moment. My stepson has certainly cooked the polystyrene pizza board though.

Decided a quick and easy way to get my jacket potato out of the oven would be to stab it with a fork. Perhaps predictably, it exploded, spraying me with molten spud.

I always oven bake my elderly cat's plastic food dish - food and all. We put it in the oven if he doesn't finish it to hide it from greedy cat and I keep forgetting to check the oven before I switch it on!

Mmmm, oven roasted plastic and cat food. Bloody stinks 🤢

Forgot about the huge potatoes I'd put into the new cooker (which had a slow cook function) on Friday night.

Woke up at 3am Sunday morning, having dreamed about a bomb going off. Then another one went off. Then a third and a fourth. It sounded like the Battle of the fucking Somme in the kitchen.

Thankfully, new cooker had two ovens and I'd opted to place the spuds in the lower one, which had a solid metal door, rather than a glass one.

When I worked out I'd heard enough explosions for all the potatoes to have been spent, I opened the door, expecting potatoey carnage.

Nope. Not a sign. The fucking things had vaporised. Just a lingering scent of the most delicious jacket potatoes ever, overlaid with a faint whiff of Bonfire Night.

The other fairly spectacular thing I did was try to make cinder toffee. It was going great, I was using a very large pan. Then I accidentally dropped the tub of bicarb into the mix as I was stirring. Dropped. Almost an entire pot of Sodium Bicarbonate.

Chemistry happened.

The ensuing bubbling monster meant I left the pan on the hob and shut the kitchen door behind me.

Microwaving plastic bottle of honey to uncrystalise it. I didn't realise but I'd put it on far too long. I opened the door without looking and it was spinning around at great speed, spitting out boiling honey. Missed my eye by about 2cm.
We didn't buy a microwave when we last moved house, haven't missed it and I'm glad of that decision now reading your horror stories!

My now exH and were given a washing machine as a wedding present, as it was all lovely brand new and sparkly we agreed that he would use the old but working twintub for his work clothes which tended to be covered in grease and tar. He kept to this at first but during the winter as the twintub was in the outhouse and the automatic was in the kitchen he decided to use the new machine whilst I was out at work. He didn't want to get muck in the machine so he bundled his dirty clothes into a plastic carrier bag tied it off, put it knot side down in another plastic carrier bag, tied a knot in that and then put this bundle in the washer! He proudly told me about his solution to not having to get cold doing his washing but keeping the new machine tar free. He was genuinely shocked that his clothes came out as dirty as they went in.

On Christmas day, my four year old dd got a lovely colour changing unicorn mug from my brother in law, she had a cup of tea in it and then I stupidly put it in the dishwasher and the unicorn completely melted off

Bless her though - I owned up straight away and told her I'd buy her a new one. Went into the shop it came from a few weeks later and couldn't find it, she said "don't worry mummy it was just an accident, I don't mind if we can't get a new one" which made me feel worse actually!!

DH gave our, at the time, 18mo a cocktail sausage from his lunch. Turns out she'd hidden it in a little chicken shaped tin she'd been given for Easter. Several weeks later she handed me the chicken tin as she couldn't get it open. Discovered the sausage, and many, many maggots!! Literally pulsating! I'm surprised I'd didn't lob it or swear! Daddy was clearly too engrossed in his lunch to notice her stashing that one away!!

I am so glad I am not the only one that has poured all the lovingly made stock straight down the bloody plug hole.

After reading this lot I have decided to order a take away tonight , i am not taking any chances !

Jamie Oliver said to use a colander over a pan if you don't have a steamer.... he didn't mention that it should be a metal colander.

When I was a teenager I was being really helpful and cleaning the kitchen including around the cooker knobs. Realised I'd accidentally changed the temperature on the oven (which was on) so just put it to 180 as that would do for most things.... only mum was warming honey (she's a beekeeper) in a giant plastic tub. Lost a lot of honey and made a huge mess!

DS was going to put his blueberry stained school shirt in the washing basket. I told him to take it downstairs, treat it with stain remover (ask dad) and put it in the washing machine.
Neither him nor dad could find stain remover so they used vanish carpet cleaner instead! It didn’t work,

Caught unawares by a viewing whilst we were selling, I sent them upstairs (relatively tidy) whilst I ran round like a loon throwing stuff in cupboards / behind sofa etc downstairs.

Later that evening, started to get dinner on and wondered what that funny smell was.

I absolutely shat myself when I remembered I shoved our soda stream out of the way - you know, the thing that has a PRESSURISED GAS CANISTER in it...... in the oven

I panicked, turned the oven off, panicked a bit more, then put a jumper (long sleeves) and double oven gloves on and very very gingerly carried it out into the garden.

Thankfully nothing happened apart from us needing to upgrade our Soda Stream.

I washed a pure wool jumper for my brother. I said I'd do it because he would ruin it... after a gentle wash I put it in the tumble drier on a hot setting for ages; god knows why. It went in man sized but came out teddy bear sized.

Had friends round for Sunday dinner, put the joint on the metal tray with spikes to hold it still, put the bone handled fork on the tray, put the lot on the hob, out of the way after use. Turned on the gas to do something, bone handle (family heirloom) went up in very impressive flames.

I was being all cost efficient and was weighing bags of fusilli pasta into equal portions before putting them in the cupboard. I used some 1kg Onken yogurt pots (best most airtight storage ever, by the way) I'd washed out.

Switched my electric cooker on (always turn the cooker off at the wall...tight wad) put the pan of water on to boil. I put the pasta filled yogurt pot on the back hob, ready to throw it in and started the sauce.

Water comes to the boil and I lift the plastic yogurt pot...cue sound of much tinkly clattering. I just stood there dumbfounded.

Turned out 'D'H had used the back hob and just switched the cooker off at the mains previously and I didn't notice. Burn plastic and pasta is a bugger to clean off a solid hotplate.

Not the first time either. Washing up bowls, tea trays, more frigging yogurt pots. You think I'd learn to look if he's been cooking but no.

I soaked dried beans in water with a bit of bicarb (usually cuts the fart factor out of them), but then just put the beans and that water on the hob without first draining the beans and then rinsing them thoroughly. Ooops! Made a nice volcano.

@mummski I'm pretty sure that's how gnocchi was accidentally invented. Cos surely nobody ever made that on purpose 😂