Switching to formula - does the guilt go away?

[Landofunicorn]

Ds has been breastfed for seven weeks.
I have had numerous problems - thrush, mastitis. It has always been painful. No reason found everyone agrees latch looks good no toungue tie.
I feel as though I am starting with another infection tonight.
Dh says I look ill and run down from the feeding and lack of sleep and feels formula would be best for me and also my toddler who has been somewhat ignored for the constant cluster feeding.
In some ways I agree with him. I do feel terrible and I’m miserable and snappy.
However I feel so guilty, almost as if I’m putting my health above babies. I don’t have a problem with ff at all, but I feel that because I have so much milk (it’s not like I’m not making enough) and this is what ds is used to after I initiated breastfeeding, Its not fair to him to switch for my own reasons.

If you were like this, did you persevere and did it get better?
Or did you stop and does the guilt go away? At the moment it feels all consuming.

I had to stop BF at 7 weeks with my DD as I was in a similar downward spiral of thrush, infections and antibiotics, it was a nightmare and she wasn’t getting enough milk, so I felt really guilty. I compromised and decided to switch to regularly expressing . I hired a hospital grade Medela double breast pump and pumped for a year! I decided to only pump 4 times in each 24h (making sure once was at night/early morning so I could keep periods away). I had to mix in some formula feeds as I wasn’t making quite enough milk with 4 pumps but it was about 80% b milk \ 20% formula. It did mean I was quite tied to the house whilst I got into the habit, but I then bought a smaller electric pump I could take out and about and I even went to Spain for work and pumped and froze the milk and brought it gone after (admittedly that was pretty crazy).

This worked really well for me as it meant she still got my milk, but anyone could feed her and the infection cycle stopped and I got more sleep and to spend more time with my other DC.

Long journeys with formula are pretty simple - sterilise the bottles and take them with you fully assembled, take a few cartons of ready-made formula, feed on the go. No more difficult than buying a bottle of water for yourself and drinking it. Obviously the ready-made stuff is more expensive but fine for occasional journeys. And this is where mixed-feeding (if the OP wants to carry on bf to some extent) comes into its own.

I was made to feel guilty first time but second time round knew it was pointless and just got on with it. Just save your energy for enjoying your baby and ignore all the breast is best guilt tripping crap. Your baby will be absolutly fine and won't suffer in any way shape or form if you switch.

Yes, it does. I’m now pretty angry that I was made to feel so guilty about something which was beyond my control and makes no difference.

This is how I feel too. I don't feel guilty but I do feel bitter about the whole experience. It was three years ago now.

It's not like it's a daily thing though, most days it doesn't even cross my mind.

Your child will be fine

My two children (13 &11) were ff and are brilliant

I switched to formula at 4 months old. Never had any guilt and I don’t think you should either. Your baby doesn’t give a fuck how you feed him.

And, you are allowed to put your own health above breastfeeding. At the end of the day, breastfeeding has minimal impact on a baby but if it’s so detrimental to your physical and mental well-being then you should not do it.

That was supposed to be but you can have both!

keepforgettingmyusername

Small study, but try here: www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3653816/#!po=0.769231

"Mothers feel more capable and confident about breastfeeding when they perceive their partners are supportive...Mothers with partners who seemed ambivalent, motivated only by “what’s best for baby,” or provided negative feedback about breastfeeding, felt less confident in their ability to breastfeed"

That's great that your partner was supportive and I'm glad your baby was fed and happy, as were you. I did say it wasn't always a magic fix-all, so depending on why you're switching, it might not solve your problems.

I've recently switched from breastmilk to formula for DC2 because of illness. My supply was dwindling because I wasn't very well, while he was losing weight and generally fretful and unhappy. I wasn't ill because of breastfeeding, but I don't think it helped when my body was already struggling to function.

I had breastfed DC1 well into toddlerhood, and felt obscurely guilty about treating them differently. But I know it was the right choice for all of us. DS2 is so much happier on formula. He is energetic, affectionate and engaged with the world, and rather than waking up all the time, he is now sleeping for most of the night and in a proper nap routine.

The switch was very easy as well (although I know not all babies take to bottles so easily so we might just have been lucky). His eyes now light up at the sight of a bottle and he seems to have forgotten that he ever breastfed at all.

Breastfeeding is wonderful when it works but ultimately having you well and happy matters more than how your baby is fed.

It took till 12 weeks till DS was settled - I had mastitis several times and looking back I do wonder especially with DD1 a toddler how I kept going. What made it feel worse was everyone telling me it would settle by 6 weeks – the weeks after that were awful.
(Third baby bf had no issues what so ever)

I fed him till he was about 19 months – for me it worked but it was super hard on me at the time- but a lot of mothers I knew stopped around 6-7 weeks as issues hadn’t settled children thrived on ff and few years later it wasn’t a huge deal that it felt like when they were babies.

Most of them took the view they’d given it their best shot and that was all they could do – which was absolutely true – some did expressing and mixed feeding for a few months other went straight to ff.

You make the best decision you can for your situation and ditch the guilt.

Partner lack of support in the context of breastfeeding doesn't mean them not being supportive in the sense of being an arse or leaving all the work to the mum, it's more about whether the partner understands/has knowledge about and is enthusiastic about breastfeeding, or whether they don't know much about it, think formula is better, would prefer baby to be bottle fed etc. It can include a partner who is very sensitive to his partner's distress, pain, guilt etc and suggests formula in response to this - that may well be the right choice, or it might be a misguided but well meaning suggestion. The infant feeding survey looks at feeding decisions on a population level and not necessarily at what is best for individual families.

It's pret ty clear from what the OP has posted that formula would fix at least the immediate problems she's having - mastitis and painful feeds don't come from a bottle. That's not magic, it's just common sense. It might not be the only fix - it might be that a different type of support could enable her to feed without pain or infection but that is not a given, it depends on what exactly is causing the problem, which is not something you can tell magically over an internet forum.

Breastfed my first and combi feeding my second. Much better balance for me.

I would swap to formula solely if I was having any problems and would do so without any guilt.

The baby doesn't care how they're fed.

Never attempted breast feeding, never wanted to so I didn't. 6 foot 2, sporty, handsome accountant son with whom I have an unbelievably close bond doesn't appear to have suffered in any way!

Only you can decide, but if you choose to ff, then yes, the guilt goes away.

DS just wouldn't feed on me and my supply wasn't brilliant. So I expressed for around 12 weeks before giving up. He's a happy and healthy child and beyond chicken pox and the occasional cold, has never been ill.

Breastfeeding is better, but as others have said formula isn't poison. Be kind to yourself.

In my experience the mum guilt never stops, it just changes its focus.

It's ok op you have do do what's right for you both.

By the time they are teenagers you will have a huge list of things you should be feeling guilty about, which all apparently have a huge effect on whether your child will live to be 100 or be the next Bill Gates!

According to some of the media EVERYTHING you do as a mother is wrong. FF or BF might be a big deal right now, but as someone who BF, mixed fed and FF I can assure you it has made zero difference in the long run for my three. Follow your instincts and do what feels best for you.

My children are 9 and 15. Many many things about them worry me and stress me out. There are new things every week for me to feel guilty about.
However, I cannot remember the last time I thought about how I fed them when they were babies.
It doesn’t matter. Do what’s right for you.