Switching to formula - does the guilt go away?

[Landofunicorn]

Ds has been breastfed for seven weeks.
I have had numerous problems - thrush, mastitis. It has always been painful. No reason found everyone agrees latch looks good no toungue tie.
I feel as though I am starting with another infection tonight.
Dh says I look ill and run down from the feeding and lack of sleep and feels formula would be best for me and also my toddler who has been somewhat ignored for the constant cluster feeding.
In some ways I agree with him. I do feel terrible and I’m miserable and snappy.
However I feel so guilty, almost as if I’m putting my health above babies. I don’t have a problem with ff at all, but I feel that because I have so much milk (it’s not like I’m not making enough) and this is what ds is used to after I initiated breastfeeding, Its not fair to him to switch for my own reasons.

If you were like this, did you persevere and did it get better?
Or did you stop and does the guilt go away? At the moment it feels all consuming.

I wouldn't give up on a bad day but look at the pros and cons of both feeding methods and make an informed choice of what will work best for you.

Breastfeeding has been proven to be significantly better when you count 1000s, or really million of breastfed babies. The benefits on individual babies is minimal, and for the vast majority will show no difference. The vast majority of bottled fed babies will grow to be healthy, not require any hospital treatment, will not suffer from attention deficit, nor be overweight and do well at school. I'm sure there are proportionally no more doctors who've been breastfed than bottlefed.

If you want to try more and thk you can give it one more week, do so. If you don't, don't asse that you are ruining your child's chances, you are not.

Yes, it does get easier. I was really thrown by my emotional reaction to giving formula - it was like a horrible secret had been exposed - I'd been banging on for years on here about how it was fine and then suddenly when it was my baby it wasn't any more. But the more you do it it becomes normal and really it's just food for them. Perfectly appropriate, safe, culturally normal food. I did find choosing a brand helped me feel a bit more in control. Then I had a minor freak out at DH when we changed to powder and I couldn't control every aspect of it being made up and then that became OK as well. Be kind to yourself - you will be very emotionally fragile at the moment and everything will feel magnified.

Also worth noting - it does not have to be all or nothing. You could do mixed feeding, temporarily with a view to getting back to breastfeeding or as a slower way to wean off the boob - the less you feed the more concentrated the antibodies, so it does have some benefit even if you are not feeding very much. You could also express. But I would strongly urge you to put the health benefits of breastfeeding very much in context - yes, they do exist, but in a rich country with clean water, electricity and free healthcare, we are not talking significant enough difference to negate all of the other factors which come into the decision. Your mental and physical health is absolutely important too. So I think it helps to look at the whole picture and think OK - so I have three options really, feeding directly, expressing (whether to feed baby or keep up supply) and feeding formula - which combination of these would be most practical and helpful and appealing to me right now? DS will not mind, being "used to" anything isn't really a factor in their thinking at 7 weeks old :) - they don't care where the milk is coming from as long as they get it.

If you do want to continue with breastfeeding in any way I'd say that you really need to escalate the support to get to the bottom of this painful feeding. When you say "everyone" has ruled out tongue tie, is that just midwives and health visitors, or is it also breastfeeding counsellors and lactation consultants? And if this all sounds too exhausting - that is absolutely fine. It's your body. And you have already given your DS 7 weeks of breastmilk - those benefits can't be undone and don't evaporate just because you switch to formula.

I never felt guilty. Fed is best....plus it meant DH could feed ds too which was a massive help.
DS is 4 now. He's healthy and exceeding all milestones. I honestly don't think you can tell which children were bf and which were FF.

Honestly... it does NOT matter! Feed your baby, whichever way allows you to enjoy your family. Seriously it makes me so cross how women feel guilt ridden and obliged to keep trying even when it's not working.

Two of mine were breast fed for a couple of months, two went straight on formula (I had the first three only a year apart each) It meant sanity and better sleep and dh loved being able to feed the babies.
Given that they are now a doctor, a nurse, a musician (and one disabled but he WAS breastfed)... I don't think it dented any IQs too much

Switch, the guilt will fade and we are lucky to have the option in the West, to safely feed our babies with FF.

I never felt guilt, just relief. DD was BF for 2 years, and I managed 8 weeks with 2nd DC. We were all miserable. After the first bottle he was the happiest baby in the world. How can I feel guilty when I have a baby with a full tummy and time with my other DC and both are happy.
When you look back in a few years, you realise it makes precisely zero difference how you fed them. I am much happier got it too. My mental health is better and I am bloody loving maternity leave! It's not how you feed them, but how you raise them that is important. Be kind to yourself.

I felt terribly guilty with both of mine when I started FF.

Years down the track (they're eight and six now and totally brilliant kids) I feel absolutely nothing about it - except regret at the wasted emotion when I could've been focusing on something - anything - else.

My BF'd baby is tiny, has tons of allergies and sick constantly. My FF child is solid & healthy. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Please don't feel guilty!! Enjoy your baby and don't even give it a second thought.

Why would you feel guilty? My LO is formula fed and I have no guilt whatsoever. I was FF, as was my partner, his siblings, their DC's, all my siblings, and their DC's and spoiler alert - we are all absolutely fine!! Companies have spent decades developing baby formula to make sure it contains everything that a baby needs. What could possibly be wrong with feeding that to your baby and ultimately have a happier baby raising experience. If you feel more rested and in a better frame of mind because of Formula feeding, then that will only give you a happier baby than BF. Win win on the formula front I say!

Please don't be hard on yourself. As long as your baby is being fed it doesn't really matter.
FWIW I formula fed my first who is now 7 and (touch wood) a robust little girl who is rarely ill.
Her 3 year old sister I bf for close to 12 months and there isn't a month goes by when she doesn't have a sniffle or a cough or some kind of skin condition. (All minor - thankfully) but I think that's just down to chance how they've turned out so far and nothing to do with the decisions I made around feeding.
Good luck with what you decide and enjoy your baby.

OP I had lots of issues too, including severe mastitis 3 times.
I wanted to quit many times but every time I asked a BFing expert they would ask me, do you want to stop? We can support you with that.
And my answer was always no.
I am still going at 2 years.
Other friends stopped because they really wanted to.
Others for lack of support.
You need to ask yourself the question, no room for guilt

What would you feel guilty about? FF is a perfectly ok way to feed a baby. Both my babies were FF for medical reasons (me) and they are now strapping young people in their 20s with hardly a sick day between them in all that time.

Not sure why you'd feel guilty

I not once felt quilty. In fact, I felt better for it as
A) I was less shattered (DD had reflux and vomitted every feed, so hey, there was no way I could have kept up with her)
B) being less shattered made me a nicer to be around
C) DD put on weight
D) I was not stuck for 1.5hrs BF'ing with a 30 minute break in between, 24/7
E) My DH was able to help more
F) Happier mum = happier baby

So yeah, not felt quilty once

Once your out of sleep deprivation it disappears. Try combo feed if you want so dh can give a bottle and you get yourself to bed.

It's really up to you to decide what will be best for you and your family. I found that breastfeeding got easier after about 8 weeks, so if you don't want to give up, then perhaps persevere for a couple more weeks and see how you get on.

I think one of the main factors in many women not reaching their breastfeeding goals is an unsupportive partner, so perhaps have a chat with OH and let him know how you're feeling. I'm sure he wants what's best for you, but isn't always a magic fix-all. Ultimately, it's up to you :)

Good luck

*but formula isn't always a magic fix-all

I felt very guilty when I stopped breast feeding after about three weeks, I couldn't take the pain of it anymore. I had started expressing instead on the midwifed advice but I spent all my time either expressing or feeding I was just so tired and miserable.

I felt like a total failure at the time, DD is now 7 and I'm not bothered at all that I didn't breast feed her as she's fine. It's such a small part of her life, and I did what was right for us.

It's easy to say don't feel guilty, but please don't beat yourself up if you decide to stop breastfeeding. Your baby needs milk, however they get it they're loved and safe and having their needs met. If you want to breastfeed, I would encourage you to see a lactation consultant who can assess for tongue/lip tie and also has the experience to help if there are small tweaks to help with other challenges.

Big hugs xxxx

When your child is 5 nobody will know which kids were fed breast milk, which formula, and which a mix of both.

What you feed your baby is irrelevant to their later wellbeing in the scheme of things. What really matters is what they eat later, whether they have regular exercise, whether you care about their mental wellbeing.

Really don't worry . The BF/FF debate is very important to mums of babies. Once your kids get older, not so much.

Yes, it does go away - and there is nothing at all to feel guilty about. I felt awful when I started giving DD formula top-ups (low supply issues due to a PPH) but it really did help - and, of course, it seems much less important now that I see her tucking into lasagne at nearly 2. Maybe you could start by giving your son a formula feed early evening, say, to give you a bit of a break and give you time to spend playing with your other child. And then try a bed-time feed to see if that helps you get a bit more sleep. Formula is a safe, nutritious, highly-regulated product and your DS has already had a great start. Hope it all goes well.

'I think one of the main factors in many women not reaching their breastfeeding goals is an unsupportive partner, so perhaps have a chat with OH and let him know how you're feeling. I'm sure he wants what's best for you, but isn't always a magic fix-all.'

Where are you getting this information from? My partner couldn't have been kinder or more supportive.
Sorry, this isn't going to be popular, but formula was a magic fix-all for us. My baby was fed and happy, I was happy and relieved, he grew strong and healthy and slept through the night from 6 months.

The other thing to consider is lifestyle. BF on the go is so much easier and you might regret switching if you want to do some traveling or even just a lot of motorway journeys to visit people.

My LO is 14months and BF just didn't work for us, tried expressing and that didn't work either, there was no support in hospital or in the community so we FF. I still do feel guilty, like I didn't try hard enough despite the rational bit of my brain telling me I'm an idiot for thinking that. It is getting less though. Baby just needs to be fed, you need to do that in the way that's best for you and your family.

Op, I know this seems like a huge issue now but its not. Before you know it you'll be waving your dc off at the school gates. No one knows or asks who was breastfed, who walked first, who talked. It really doesn't matter how you fed your baby. Just do the best thing for both of you and enjoy your baby. These early days go so fast! Don't feel any guilt just enjoy! Your doing great.