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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect my husband to be able to look after our baby for an hour?

81 replies

CustardCreamLover · 26/03/2019 19:52

I tutor online. An hour at a time. Today it was my husband who had to look after the baby. Recently it's been more often his mother. I had to stop my lesson after 40 minutes because he couldn't stop the baby from screaming. The second I took him off him he stopped. Was it the baby or my husband causing the issue here? I think it's my husband. The baby is fine with his mother. I'm.so pissed off but I don't know if I should be??

OP posts:

user1474894224 · 26/03/2019 19:54

How old is your baby? - brand new or a few months old? - why didn't your husband stick him/her in the buggy and take them out?

Kintan · 26/03/2019 19:56

Not sure - babies can be really unreasonable at times and nothing will console them but being with their mothers. On the other hand why didn’t he just take the baby for a walk or something though for 20 mins while you finished up?

Pernickity1 · 26/03/2019 20:01

How old is the baby? If your husband is anything like mine then yes it is his fault! Some (useless) men don’t even try to figure out what’s wrong/how to console a crying baby. They’re usually the type to instead get pissed off with the baby/you for putting them in the position.

If he’s generally a good dad/person, but just doesn’t get much one-on-one time with your child then maybe you could calmly give him some tips on what the baby likes in a non-patronizing way?

Expressedways · 26/03/2019 20:07

If this a newborn that needed a feed and your breastfeeding then I sort of get it. If not then he should be more than capable. Does he only look after the baby when your tutoring and his mother isn’t available? Because that’s probably the problem...

Stompythedinosaur · 26/03/2019 20:10

He isn't unreasonable for finding the baby hard to settle, as long as he was trying his best.

He should have taken the baby out for a walk or drive so your session wasn't disturbed though.

olderthanyouthink · 26/03/2019 20:11

My 4 month old DD has been inconsolable until I've taken her off my DP, he tried and he gets upset if he can soother her because she just wants me. It's stressful and limiting for me but we are working on him spending as much time as he can with her to help with this.

Hiddenaspie1973 · 26/03/2019 20:13

Imagine if the boot was on the other foot.
Op, you'd never hear the end of it.
He should've taken baby out.
Was baby fed before you gave him to Dad? If not, have a feed ready in case next time. Express if necessary.
Some blokes need spoon feeding unfortunately. 🙄

FullOfJellyBeans · 26/03/2019 20:14

Like PP it depends on whether he was trying or not. Some people are better with babies than others and done babies do prefer one parent over the other.

In the other hand if he wasn't trying to rock/feed/distract the baby and just held them while they were screaming then yes that would be annoying.

Topseyt · 26/03/2019 20:17

How old is the baby? Was baby already fed before handing over? Was there a feed available for him to feed to baby if needed- either a bottle of formula or expressed?

Not enough information.

Original poster

CustardCreamLover · 26/03/2019 20:22

I'll try and answer the questions sorry if I miss any. 9 weeks old, breast feeding but fed him literally 10 minutes before the lesson and he feeds max every 2 hours, hardly has any alone time with his dad because he hands him over every time he starts crying, didn't leave any expressed milk because I stupidly assumed he'd cope for an hour, baby van be a bit sicky but husband tends to move him about too much no matter how many times I suggest he doesn't. I've been told on multiple occasions that I need to be calm around the baby by said husband who then does the complete opposite when in charge.

OP posts:

Tachy · 26/03/2019 20:22

You are working. He needs to deal, he is as much the babies parent as you. Do not let him slack off because you'll just take the baby each time.

He needs to take the baby out of the house and work it out.

Sux2buthen · 26/03/2019 20:24

Hmm at 9 weeks I'd say dad isn't what your baby wants to be honest. I know it's hard but I think when they are that little they are hard to distract from their mum (or her breasts!) if that's what they want. Good luck to both of you though, it's hard

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 26/03/2019 20:26

He should have taken the baby out of the house. The baby can smell you and your milk.

LannieDuck · 26/03/2019 20:30

hardly has any alone time with his dad because he hands him over every time he starts crying

That's the problem. He needs to look after baby for increasing periods of time (possibly while you leave the house?) so they can both get used to it.

Springwalk · 26/03/2019 20:35

I agree you need to let dh get on with things and find his own way to deal with the baby crying. His default to always hand the baby to you is causing this. It may be a lack of confidence, either way start stepping back more often, but be encouraging rather than critical.

BoobiesToTheRescue · 26/03/2019 20:38

I've got three kids and with the best will in the world the babies always stopped crying when they came to me.

My first two kids (slightly older) used to look at me like "what?! How does that work?!"
When all I had to do is pluck the baby off a person and he would stop crying.

It's the baby. And in my experience it's normal.

It doesn't help a jot that your husband gives the baby back every time they squawk though!

It gets easier, 9 weeks is tiny. Even in 3 weeks time it will be a lot easier.

My baby loves my husband now (13 weeks).
Very different at 9 weeks.

ShellieEllie · 26/03/2019 20:40

Maybe he could take him out for a long walk the next time

Sitdownstandup · 26/03/2019 20:52

Did you feed baby when you took him/her? I do think I'd probably leave an expressed feed if possible next time, sometimes they randomly get hungry when they've had a load already.

Crabbitstick · 26/03/2019 20:58

Babies cluster feed and it’s very unpredictable. Maybe your husband could try wearing baby in sling for a nap so you can get a guaranteed hour of time.

sirmione16 · 26/03/2019 21:18

My LO is 8 and a half weeks old, and my partner atm is having similar issues but his are all to do with confidence, he gets down and thinks baby will only bring up wind for me etc when of course it's not true, he just gives up as he's worried or he thinks he can't.

I'd have a heart to heart, hubby probably feels inadequate and unsure x

Pernickity1 · 26/03/2019 21:22

Ah a 9 week old, breastfed baby would make me somewhat more sympathetic to your husband I think. If it’s his first child and he has limited time with the baby then it can get overwhelming - my first DD was inconsolable a lot of the time at that age - didn’t matter if it was me or anyone else trying to console her.

He could have brought the baby out but it might not have entered his head to do so in the moment? It might have seen too big a task to get the baby bundled up, strapped in etc. while hysterically crying.

spugzbunny · 26/03/2019 21:22

9 weeks is tricky. My baby would scream if i was in the house and she wanted me. Husband should probably have taken baby out for a walk but he needs to learn how to come up with his own way of parenting and it sounds a bit like you are over critical.

saraclara · 26/03/2019 21:36

Baby's only nine weeks and dad isn't confident yet. That's all.
And I'm sure he's only too aware that the baby isn't as happy with him as with you or his mother. Which won't do anything for his confidence either.
It's early days.

Waveysnail · 26/03/2019 21:36

Get him to go for a long walk next time.

Original poster

CustardCreamLover · 27/03/2019 00:06

Ok, thanks ladies. Seems like a combination of baby wanting onkynme and him being unconfident. I'll leave a feed and perhapsnask him to go for a walk next time. He does always sleep as soon as the pram gets going!

OP posts:

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