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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed about this

56 replies

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 25/03/2019 23:18

My finance has just come in from work and put Ddog in the cage for 10 minutes as a punishment for chewing a roll of cello tape I had already told her off for that earlier on when I caught her with it. I have told him before that he can’t use the dog crate as a punishment because she sleeps in there and it will only confuse her. He refused to let her out even when I told him that he can’t punish her for something that she did when he wasn’t here she’s a 14 week old puppy that is still in the chewing stage AIBU to be annoyed with him over it.

OP posts:

DizzyPhillips · 25/03/2019 23:19

Is punishing dogs a thing?! They actually are not children.

DoctorDread · 25/03/2019 23:20

He's an idiot and should not be a dog owner. I hope he improves before you have children!

Samind · 25/03/2019 23:20

He'll create negative associations that way!

IncrediblySadToo · 25/03/2019 23:25

He is an idiot and you’d be a fool to marry him.

Original poster

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 25/03/2019 23:26

Sorry @Dizzyphilips didn’t know how else to word it.

@Doctordread so do I. Otherwise am not sure what will happen when we have kids

@Samind he has been told this before but he refused to listen just kept saying it was only 10 minutes and that it would do her no harm which isn’t the point she’s being told off for something and she doesn’t understand what she’s done wrong.

OP posts:

thirstyformore · 25/03/2019 23:28

Ffs. A fool to marry someone because he hadn’t worked out the nuances of dog training?

Expressedways · 25/03/2019 23:28

Book some puppy training classes and insist he takes her. You can’t put a dog in time out FFS. And I hope you let the poor thing out.

Original poster

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 25/03/2019 23:32

@thirstyformore to begin with I was putting it down to he hadn’t had a dog before so doesn’t know what he’s doing but she’s been her long enough for him to know what he’s doing the dog will listen to me and do as I tell her but she won’t do anything for him.

@Expressedways I will do and I will make sure that he takes her so he can get a better understanding of dogs. I have told him that he can’t put her in a time out it won’t work with a puppy. I did let her out I wouldn’t let him leave her in there.

OP posts:

Myheartbelongsto · 25/03/2019 23:33

My ex husband used to pick his dog up by her ears, poor little thing.

Original poster

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 25/03/2019 23:35

@Myheartbelongsto that’s awful how could he do that to the poor dog horrible cruel sod.

OP posts:

Myheartbelongsto · 25/03/2019 23:37

Absolute bastard he is. Still has the dog and she is lovely.

I had a cat that went missing and he told me he shot her.

Sorry to derail your thread op.

Motoko · 25/03/2019 23:39

If he refused to let her out, why didn't you let her out?

You can tell what a person's like by how they treat their animals. This bloke doesn't sound very nice.

Original poster

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 25/03/2019 23:44

@Motoko I did let her out I wasn’t going to allow her to be left in the cage for something that she had done earlier on.

@Myheartbelongsto that’s shocking can’t believe he still has the dog he doesn’t deserve the poor dog. Horrible rat how could he do that to the poor cat. It’s fine it’s horrific to think that there are cruel people like that out there.

OP posts:

Crabbyandproudofit · 25/03/2019 23:54

His attitude to dog training is very ignorant. At best it will teach your puppy absolutely nothing, at worst it will actually lead to worse behaviours.

If you are using a dog crate the aim is to make it a safe and welcoming place for the dog. So maybe feed her in there and encourage her to sleep there. If you try to use it as a punishment she will come to resent it. If she likes being in the crate then she can be shut in there for short periods to keep her safe (and reduce the opportunities for chewing).

Also, there is no point in chastising her even 10 minutes after she has done something. She simply wont make any connection between the two incidents.

Why does he not trust that you have already dealt with her? Puppies chew things and she will continue to do so for months more. All you can do is try to reduce access to things she shouldn't chew and let her know that you are very happy when she chews toys that you have given her. Puppy training classes would help your DP understand dog behaviour.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/03/2019 00:03

He has absolutely NO IDEA how to properly train a dog. What an idiot.

Awesomeo90 · 26/03/2019 00:19

It's insane to punish a dog after the incident. They will never associate the incident with the punishment because they don't think the way we do. If he's going to use a punishment, it needs to be within a few seconds.
Putting the dog in her cage is also not an appropriate punishment. It will massively hinder any cage training you do if she's being put in there in anger. A cage should be the dogs safe space. There's also no point shouting at a dog- it just creates fear. In future ask him to tell dog no and swap the item being chewed for a toy. There doesn't need to be a punishment at all.
Although I will say you absolutely can put a dog in time out - I do with my lab; when she steals food she gets sent to her bed for a couple of minutes. But this needs to be done instantly.

Bambamber · 26/03/2019 00:21

What does he hope to achieve exactly?

WhatWouldChristineCagneyDo · 26/03/2019 00:34

Why does he presume he knows more about discipline than you? You are the one with experience as a dog owner...That's a bit of a worry going forward, especially if you are planning on having a family.

RSAcre · 26/03/2019 00:42

Ffs. A fool to marry someone because he hadn’t worked out the nuances of dog training?

Yup, maybe. Because fiance:

is punishing without reaon or cause (OP took care of it already)
lacks empathy, compassion & sense (dog does not understand, dog is being given negative crate associations)
is refusing to listen to OP, insisting that he handle the dog his way (wrongly)

Depending how much you like dogs, this is all concerning. But number 3 is a bloody great big red flag.

Original poster

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 26/03/2019 00:54

@crabbyandproudofit that is my point exactly and he has been told on numerous occasions that the crate can’t be used to punish her with because that’s where she sleeps and where she is put when we go out so that she doesn’t chew things when we aren’t here to watch her I don’t want to undo any of that by having her associate the cage with being naughty. I’m here with her all day so I have her trained and she does as she’s told with me the minute he comes in from work she reverts back to being naughty because he either lets her get away with it or tells her off too much for normal puppy stuff there is no inbetween with him when it comes to the puppy. I will definitely get him to puppy classes with her he needs to understand how to handle with her.

@Aquamarine1029 no he doesn’t and am not sure what to do to make him understand how best to handle her because what he’s doing at the minute isn’t working at all.

@awersomeo90 he has been told before not to use the crate with her because she knows that’s her bed i’ve tried to tell him that it’s like sending a child to their bedroom when they’ve done something wrong and then expecting them to sleep in there at night it’s mixed messages that will achieve nothing with her.

@Bambamber I have no idea but whatever it is it’s not going to work with Ddog

@WhatWouldChristineCagneyDo I don’t know but it annoys me that he thinks he knows better than I do I’ve had dogs since I was a child so I know what am doing he’s never had a dog before but thinks he knows it all. We are planning on having a family but getting the dog has thrown some serious doubt over his ability to parent a child I get the feeling that it would all fall to me and he would just let them get away with murder like he does with the animals. The dog and the cats know full well that they can mess around with him and not listen to him but they will listen to me and they know they can’t get away with anything with me. The dog is all nice and calm until he comes in from work and winds her with playing with her and then wonders why she starts to play up.

OP posts:

Original poster

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 26/03/2019 00:58

@RSAcre if I had known any of this before we got the dog am not sure I would’ve got a dog with him I love her to bits and have always wanted another dog and she’s great for me but not for him and I now have to wonder why she won’t listen to him at all. I just wish he would listen to me and not act like some kind of dog whisper that thinks he knows better than I do. I’m the one who’s with her all the time so I know what she’s like and how to deal with her when she’s doing naughty things he doesn’t and I really think puppy classes might help him to work on where he’s doing wrong with her.

OP posts:

LeesPostersAreInFrames · 26/03/2019 00:59

Punishment is such a lazy an ineffective way of training an animal. Having said that it has its place, but you've got to exact the punishment within max 10 seconds or the animal won't associate the two.

Original poster

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 26/03/2019 01:23

@LeesPostersAreInFrames I make sure she is told off as soon as I catch her doing something because I know it’s a waste of time after the fact because she hasn’t got a clue what your telling her off for.

OP posts:

RSAcre · 26/03/2019 01:25

Shootfirst

Oh sweetheart.
Ask yourself one question - who are you happier with: the dog, or him?

Sorry to be flippant, but "if I'd known before, not sure I'd have got a dog with him" is setting off alarm bells. What man is worth more than a lovely relationship with a dog?!

more seriously, you are absolutely right to question how he will be if you continue with him & have children.

It seems he has difficulty listening to you.
I am an old bag, have been there, done that, & now have zero tolerance for arrogant males who cannot accept that their partner knows what she is talking about.

Funnily enough, my XH used to posture about being some kinda dog whisperer. The fact that I grew up around horses & dogs never stopped him from patronising & undermining me about 'our' dog. Please take that experience with a pinch of salt, because my relationship then is not your relationship now. But I would genuinely, seriously, sit down with yourself & give yourself a thorough grilling on why he feels the need to control a situation he is utterly ignorant of. And whether you want to feel similarly frustrated around any bipedal 'puppies' you might wish to produce.

Good luck & enjoy your Ddog xxx

Preggosaurus9 · 26/03/2019 01:36

He sounds like an idiot. A self centred idiot.

The biggest issue is him undermining you and belittling your experience and knowledge of dogs. That shows he doesn't give a shit what you think. Believe me that will not change.

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