To think there is something more sinister in his behavior?

[Likepebblesonthebeach]

My DSS stayed this weekend and I can’t get his strange behavior out of my mind.

He is almost 14 and spent most of the weekend playing with his little brothers very loud toy piano - it’s a toy for a 1 year old. I mentioned that his sister dislikes the noise of it which seemed to prompt him wanting to play with it. He woke the baby from the noise and I had to hide it late Saturday night as he ignored all my requests to stop or lower it down. He wasn’t playing a tune just making as much noise as he could. DH wasn’t home on Saturday night - I usually leave all discipline to him as DSS does not like to be told what to do.

The piano is irritating but it’s leaving his shit in the loo that’s worrying me. He does it all the time now - forgets or doesn’t flush on purpose? Yesterday I refused to clean the loo after him & asked him if he had done it. (Usually I just clean it & had previously assumed it was a mistake) he denied all knowledge so convincingly that I went to ask DH. DSS caught me before I got to him & said ‘okay yeah it’s mine, I’ll go sort it’

Why is he leaving his shit for me is it a way of saying he doesn’t like or respect me? Or am I reading too much into it?

I think for your own sanity you need to step up and every time DSS doesn’t flush say “flush the loo, thats disgusting. You’re not a child, I’m not doing it for you”. You’re not going to make him feel unwelcome or pushed out, it’s what families do to each other. You’re clearly a really caring stepmum and like you say, he needed to know he could live with you etc, so it’s doing stuff that he knows you do care and he doesn’t need to act out, you will tell him off but it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. I think it’s almost like he’s wanting you to parent him to make sure that’s how you feel about it, if that makes any sense after the wine I’ve drunk...