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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not having WhatsApp?

101 replies

Babysleeeeeeep · 25/03/2019 18:53

I had WhatsApp for years and found it so liberating to delete it.

I found all the groups, different conversations and constant pinging really annoying and hard to keep up with. Between work groups, different family chats, friends groups, nursery group, faith group, hobby group etc etc it felt like a fill time job keeping up with everyone! I don’t like social media so aren’t on any of those.

I get asked all the time ‘why don’t you have WhatsApp??’ Said with quizzical confused faces. Family pressure me to get it as they like keeping everyone up to date in one go....so it’s for their convenience really.

People say ‘just mute the notifications’ or ‘just join OUR chat ignore the others’ which surely negates the point? I don’t seem to have missed out by receiving messages via good old fashioned texting...

Am I missing something with WhatsApp??

OP posts:
Maiyakat · 26/03/2019 11:09

I can't be doing with smart phones and have a basic nokia which doesn't support WhatsApp. However I found I was missing out on things as all plans in some groups were being made via WhatsApp. So I bought I really basic smartphone for £15, a £10 sim, and use WhatsApp via wifi on that. I just look at it once or twice a day unless there's a specific conversation ongoing.

Vulpine · 26/03/2019 11:28

There's no law about responding instantly - I do it at my leisure

MrsJayy · 26/03/2019 11:39

And i bet it irritates the hell out of some of your whatsapp contacts they will be thinking tut that vulpine takes ages to get back to us Grin

mondaylisasmile · 26/03/2019 11:57

i find that the people expecting an instant response are usually the ones with the least work/life commitments.

i once got berated by a family member for not replying to a message "in good time" - lol. my phone had been in my bag whilst travelling to work, then i was at work, and i'd checked my phone at lunchtime.

if someone can't be out of contact for 5 hours without being harassed... well, it's not me that isn't normal in that scenario.

had to stop replying to her messages for a day or two to drive the point home - my mobile is meant to be a convenient tool.. not another fucking chore to check every hour of the day!

BlindAssassin1 · 26/03/2019 12:22

I don't have or want another form of SM. And WhatsApp is the only one I've felt pressured into getting - which I've resisted.

I found out the group leader of one of my DCs clubs was organizing an event so I asked for the details and was told its on the WhatsApp group chat thingy. Now I don't assume to be given some special treatment with regards to finding out info but it annoyed me that there was an assumption I had this single app when all other contact was given by text. She told me she'd text me but tbh I was stood in front of her, she could have just told me! As it was she forgot, along with other people too, and the event didn't happen. It was all a bit of a modern day clusterfuck of messaging back and forth, changing plans, and rearranging.

I found the whole thing to be an example of how there's too much reliance on SM for basic human interaction. It creates another job to do, when everyone is busy already.

JustTwoMoreSecs · 26/03/2019 12:25

I would say whatsapp is the norm now for group chats, so expecting people to contact you via sms to keep you updated re group discussions is BU.
I just don’t understand why you don’t just mute the notifications if it bothers you...

JustTwoMoreSecs · 26/03/2019 12:27

@BlindAssassin1 but why do you consider whatsapp to be social media? Or do you consider texts social media as well? If not what is the difference?

youknowmedontyou · 26/03/2019 12:32

Love whatsapp, free, easy, efficient what's not to like... whoever said it was social media...how is it?

JenniferJareau · 26/03/2019 12:41

I use WhatsApp as I am not on a contract so texting costs me. WhatsApp is free.

SrSteveOskowski · 26/03/2019 12:41

I don't consider what's app to be social media. For me it's a way of communicating with people that's along the same lines as a call or a text, just easier.
Social media is more posting opinions etc and expecting comments and 'likes'. No 'likes' on WhatsApp.

GummyGoddess · 26/03/2019 12:46

What do you want to happen instead? If someone is organising something do you want to be the last to know, or if there's an announcement made?

thecatsthecats · 26/03/2019 12:46

I have absolutely EVERYTHING muted on my phone. What's App, email, texts. They don't even ping in the notification bar.

I reason that if someone genuinely needs me to respond now, they'll call. If not, then I'll go to those apps to see if I have new messages when it suits me (email once a day ish, WA a few times a day etc).

It honestly baffles me that people get woken up by emails pinging!

I treat it as a facility to see who'd LIKE to contact me, not something I'm at the beck and call of.

RosaWaiting · 26/03/2019 12:52

OP I am only in one WA group.

what's really essential for you? i.e. will you miss a cancelled meeting if you are not on the group.

then just tell everyone else you don't want your phone pinging all the time. I agree if someone really needs something, they will phone you.

BlindAssassin1 · 26/03/2019 13:05

JustTwoMoreSecs

I guess technically its not SM, but I feel often WhatsApp is used the same vein. My ILs wanted me and DP to get it so we could they could share with us essentially funny videos of cats falling off window sills. Again, we were stood right next to them. Just show me.

In the instance of my DCs club it was all such a mess, some people on WhatsApp, some contacted by text; the group leader is primarily on Facebook. Perhaps this is not a good example of it being used at its best?

If it was for a genuine work info sharing thing I'd get it. But we have our own set up already, and I wont put it on my personal phone (which I see is encouraged) because I want to differentiate between work time and private life. It looks like another way of infiltrating your home life.

RosaWaiting · 26/03/2019 13:11

" My ILs wanted me and DP to get it so we could they could share with us essentially funny videos of cats falling off window sills"

these are the people to whom you say no. Your ILs will call if there's something important to say.

Girlicorne · 26/03/2019 13:25

I don't have it as I have an ancient Samsung from 2012 and it only has the space for one app, I m not joking! so I chose messenger over whatsapp and no I don't feel like I m missing out at all. I came off Facebook last summer after a massive mental health crisis, not missing out there either :-)

Original poster
Babysleeeeeeep · 26/03/2019 13:38

Even with the notifications muted I’d still need to check all the group chats at some point in the day, and it took me AGES last time I hadn’t WhatsApp... time I really don’t have (I know everyone should busy but I really am Grin) and 99% of the time it was messages I didn’t need to see... along the lines of the cat videos mentioned above! So I deleted the app, have never missed it and feel much calmer

OP posts:
soulrunner · 26/03/2019 13:47

In the instance of my DCs club it was all such a mess, some people on WhatsApp, some contacted by text; the group leader is primarily on Facebook. Perhaps this is not a good example of it being used at its best?

Yeah- that does sound a bit rubbish. DD's rugby team has a WhatsApp group and that works really well for tournament availability/ when training gets cancelled at the last minute or something. DS's use email (remember that?) and teamer. So I guess anything's fine so long as it's consistent.

MyOtherProfile · 26/03/2019 13:47

That's great. It's good you've found a way to be calm. But as previous ppl have said don't complain if you miss out. Perhaps missing out on social stuff helps keep things calm for you too. In that case it's a win win!

Original poster
Babysleeeeeeep · 26/03/2019 18:09

@myotherprofile entirely possible, I am quite antisocial Grin!!

OP posts:
TruffleShuffles · 26/03/2019 18:41

I’m not sure that a lot of the people commenting about not wanting WhatsApp understand what it is. It’s just a messaging app, it doesn’t exist purely for group chats. You can text people individually in exactly the same way as you would with a normal text message. The only difference is that it’s completely free for both texts and picture messaging unlike a lot of contracts that charge for picture messaging. Pressing the icon for WhatsApp is no different to pressing the text message icon and sending a message. I don’t get why people think it’s a form of social media in the same way as Instagram or Facebook?

Anniegetyourgun · 26/03/2019 19:37

Well, Whatsapp and Instagram do belong to Facebook, which is why I don't have them. When DIL encouraged me to join Whatsapp I checked the T&C, as you do, and it said they are both members of the Facebook "family" and reserve the right to exchange data with each other. As I take grave exception to the cavalier attitude of Facebook to its customers' data (and its customers' contacts data without their permission!) this was unacceptable to me. I'm missing out on DGC cute pics and videos, but some things are just not negotiable.

A colleague did say what on earth would I have in my personal information that's of interest to Russian spies, but that's hardly the point.

iolaus · 26/03/2019 19:42

We tend to use it a lot for calls too in our household - because there are deadspots for phone reception in the house - but the wifi is good.

It can come into it's own on nights out etc - for example we went on a night out with the girls from work on Saturday - 7 of us caught the same train in - but got on at different stops. To be able to send a message to everyone saying 'on the X train' etc is great - and the one who missed it was able to send a message saying that she'd get a lift in later - so noone was worrying etc

youknowmedontyou · 26/03/2019 20:36

When DIL encouraged me to join Whatsapp I checked the T&C, as you do,

No I really don't!

BackforGood · 26/03/2019 23:37

I had it on my last phone i was on holiday and my grown up kids were irritated that i wasn't responding right away to stuff so I deleted it

That's not an issue with WhatsApp though, it is an issue with your grown up kids. My (grown up) kids, and various other family members will send me messages by WA or by text, and understand that I will sometimes be at work, or driving, or in a meeting, or asleep, or outside somewhere, and not get that message until some hours later.

Even with the notifications muted I’d still need to check all the group chats at some point in the day, and it took me AGES last time I hadn’t WhatsApp.

That doesn't make any sense at all. I glance at the front screen of my phone, and if there are any WA notifications, there is a little red circle with a number in the middle, indicating the number of messages. I don't even open WA if there is no red circle. Why / How can is take ages to check thread ? There is no needs to. Confused

@AnnieGetYourGun - I do think you are in a very small minority there

For those who think I’m UR not to be kept in the loop because I choose not to have WhatsApp- when did that become the designated method of communication that all must have??

When it evolved into the most convenient (and did anyone mention free?) way to share information and pictures, and to have a group conversation with people who aren't in the same room as you. Life evolves. Do you still write a letter every time you need to communicate with someone, or did you move on to using a telephone once tht was invented? Do you still use a landline for all calls and paper and envelope for all written communication, or did you move on to mobiles phone and maybe e-mail? WA is just a quicker ,more efficient, more convenient way to communicate, so that's why lots of people use it. Absolutely you don't have to, but why wouldn't you ?

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