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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this friend is taking the piss, repeatedly asking to borrow

95 replies

Abgh · 25/03/2019 15:47

I have a friend who is irresponsible with their money and she doesn't budget, instead chooses to fritter her limited income on unnessecary purchases.

I've leant her money many, many times in and have always gotten it back on her pay day but I'm starting to resent the frequent requests for £5 here and £10 here every week without fail. I feel resentful that she sees me as a source of cash when I have very little money myself, i have a child and am heavily pregnant with another.

When I was working more the amounts would be higher, she'd ask for £50-100 at a time and I happily obliged because I always received it back, but now the requests alone (although smaller) are building resentment.

I sent her £5 yesterday as she was claiming to have no food (I only had £28 in my bank)

Ater sending it via bank transfer she said thank you and that she was going to the shop to get something to eat. All fine.

This morning she messages me again saying she can't withdraw the £5 out at the shop cash point (no idea why she didn't just pay on her card) and they've stopped doing £5 withdrawas.. therefore she needs me to send another £5 so she can withdraw the minimum amount, £10.

There always seems to be a sob story, she's starving, she needs to buy painkillers, she's got no electricity, yet she wastes what money she does get on crap like takeaways, new phones, overpriced vapes. I tried not to judge but unfortunately I can no longer help but do so when her "poverty" is self inflicted and she refuses to work or budget her money.

She's very fortunate in that she lives in council accommodation which her housing benefit covers, so she doesn't have rent to pay. She also receives a council tax reduction and has minimal bills. I on the other hand live in an expensive private rent, have high outgoings and dependents.

I sent a very sharp message back to her after the second request simply saying "stop asking me for money. I'm done lending to you and the little I have is for my children"

She's taking the piss out of me, isn't she?

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 14/10/2021 23:52

ZOMBIE

Cheerbear77 · 14/10/2021 23:53

I'm in two minds wether to give to a food bank ,I really would like to know it's going to people who really are in need,what are your thoughts on this,???

XenoBitch · 14/10/2021 23:54

Are you me? I have a friend that is like this to the T. She claims more benefits than I do, yet is always on the scrounge.

Cheerbear77 · 15/10/2021 00:15

I love helping people in real need if I can ,I've been on a very low income and know all too well what a struggle it is , if people are on a high rate of benifits or high wages they shouldn't be using food banks, etc , loads of people who worked have lost Thier jobs extremely difficult to get another job now,alot of businesses have closed making near to impossible, I feel genuinely sorry for people who are genuinely hard up who get nothing,then people who take the piss get everything

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 15/10/2021 00:18

If you ever think she may be genuine I'd offer her help in kind.

"Sorry no money and we havent much in but you're welcome to come round and pick up some oats / lentils / potatoes to tide you over". If she was genuinely hungry, she would.

skybluee · 15/10/2021 00:40

It's up to you. She always pays you back so it wouldn't bother me. Have been in the position where I had no food for almost 10 days once. If someone hadn't lent me money until I could pay them back I don't know what I would've done. I really don't.

UniversalAunt · 15/10/2021 01:23

She’s a habit you cannot afford.

You are on a tight budget with carefully managed cash flow.
You simply cannot risk parting with a fiver when you have less than £30 in the bank, even if you do get the money back promptly.

You & your family are your absolute priority, your friend’s comfort & ease are not a priority for you.

She will not change, it is you who has to change the situation by not lending her money any more.

PoddingtonPea21 · 15/10/2021 01:30

Out of personal experience, once she realises you've seen through it, she'll totally act like the victim, just ignore & get on with your life, she'll miss you far more, than you her Grin

Saoirse82 · 15/10/2021 01:42

I have no issues lending friends money if they pay it back on time. I wouldn't say I'm much better off financially but might have a bit more to spare. I suspect rather than using you she's just become reliant on your help without realising it was an issue, in fact I'm asked quite frequently by a friend to lend money and I've never thought of it as being taken advantage of.

Crafting1Queen · 15/10/2021 02:25

ZOMBIE THREAD

Derbee · 15/10/2021 02:34

Well done for saying no. You get to a point where you see someone for who they truly are. This sounds like the moment.

The spending you describe doesn’t sound like someone on a tight budget! Good for you for deciding to keep your money for yourselves from now on.

MiniPumpkin · 15/10/2021 02:34

Yes to taking the piss out of you. I had a friend like this, the trouble being she knew I was good at saving money so was always begging and burrowing, however the endless nights out, hair, nails, tan, on a very much weekly basis whereas I was limiting this to save. It stopped when she told me she spent her last £50 on a jacket and didn’t know how she would fund that weeks packed lunches. I had my first child not so long after so I told her I no longer had the money to give her which was a big fat lie but she stopped asking so it worked,
Well done for telling her, these things are never easy

Derbee · 15/10/2021 02:36

Aaaarrrrggh. Can’t mumsnet do something about these bloody zombie threads? Put a warning at the top or something?

Maskless · 15/10/2021 02:42

You said she always pays it back, I think some pp missed that.

But even so, the lies are annoying.

BlankTimes · 15/10/2021 03:00

Send her this, OP

It's a form to show where her money is being wasted.

www.stoozing.com/soa.php

BlankTimes · 15/10/2021 03:02

Sorry, missed the ZOMBIE warning.

ZOMBIE

ZOMBIE ZOMBIE

ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE

ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE

ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE

MiniPumpkin · 15/10/2021 03:05

Can someone please tell me why people are writing ZOMBIE thread ? What is is zombie thread Confused

MiniPumpkin · 15/10/2021 03:06

Ok I get now.. an old post 🤣

FancyLampshade · 15/10/2021 03:24

I knew some people like this. Always wanting to borrow small amounts, always some drama or crucial reason. I couldn’t understand why they didn’t just buy in all the essentials when they got their benefits – they actually got a fairly decent amount.

I came to realise that they were engineering the panics and the scarcity and the ringing round for favours to make their lives more interesting. It was something to maintain a sense of interest in an otherwise pretty mundane lifestyle. If they’d just calmly bought what they needed when they got paid and avoided the constant borrowing and repaying, they’d have been bored.

Your friend is taking you for granted. If I were you I wouldn’t be off with them about it, but I’d just firmly start saying no, without further explanation.

SquarePeggyLeggy · 15/10/2021 04:03

Genuine question, what’s so bad about zombie threads? If people are wondering and it generates interest? I don’t mind reading partially older threads if it’s an interesting topic, people might have something new to add? And the poster might be alerted and find more benefit again?

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