To think this friend is taking the piss, repeatedly asking to borrow

[Abgh]

I have a friend who is irresponsible with their money and she doesn't budget, instead chooses to fritter her limited income on unnessecary purchases.

I've leant her money many, many times in and have always gotten it back on her pay day but I'm starting to resent the frequent requests for £5 here and £10 here every week without fail. I feel resentful that she sees me as a source of cash when I have very little money myself, i have a child and am heavily pregnant with another.

When I was working more the amounts would be higher, she'd ask for £50-100 at a time and I happily obliged because I always received it back, but now the requests alone (although smaller) are building resentment.

I sent her £5 yesterday as she was claiming to have no food (I only had £28 in my bank)

Ater sending it via bank transfer she said thank you and that she was going to the shop to get something to eat. All fine.

This morning she messages me again saying she can't withdraw the £5 out at the shop cash point (no idea why she didn't just pay on her card) and they've stopped doing £5 withdrawas.. therefore she needs me to send another £5 so she can withdraw the minimum amount, £10.

There always seems to be a sob story, she's starving, she needs to buy painkillers, she's got no electricity, yet she wastes what money she does get on crap like takeaways, new phones, overpriced vapes. I tried not to judge but unfortunately I can no longer help but do so when her "poverty" is self inflicted and she refuses to work or budget her money.

She's very fortunate in that she lives in council accommodation which her housing benefit covers, so she doesn't have rent to pay. She also receives a council tax reduction and has minimal bills. I on the other hand live in an expensive private rent, have high outgoings and dependents.

I sent a very sharp message back to her after the second request simply saying "stop asking me for money. I'm done lending to you and the little I have is for my children"

She's taking the piss out of me, isn't she?

'sorry, can't help. really really wish i could, but i cant'
it's not your problem.

i've had the same thing a friend of mine, she doesn't directly ask anymore just hints a lot, which i ignore.

i hate the weird risk of lending someone money, i find the whole thing stressful, much more than it actually is.
it's far less stressful, and less resentment involved, when you just start saying no.

I agree with everyone else, just say NO.

If you ever feel like subbing her again, just ask yourself who is more important to you, her, or your family?

I only ever lend money to family, not friends. I've been duped before, someone pleaded abject poverty, I transferred £50 (which left me with less than a tenner til payday) and later on that night, she posted photos of a takeaway and a crate of beer. When I questioned it, she said the £50 was mostly for utility bills and the pizza and beer was bought with what was left over. Oh, that's okay then...

ask her to borrow a fiver next week and see what she says. I can guarantee she won’t put herself out for you.

She sounds like one of life's passengers, having all her financial needs provided by the state, which is one of the reasons there is so little funding for things like mental health and the NHS because so much money is going to parasites like this. It's time she got off her arse and got a job and learnt to budget.

Next time she tries to extort money out of you just repeat what you have printed here:
"You are very fortunate to live in council accommodation which your housing benefit covers, so you don't have any rent to pay. You also receive a council tax reduction and have minimal bills. I on the other hand live in an expensive private rent, have high outgoings and dependents."

Probably a case if learned helplessness. When she has a totaly free lending service there's no need to budget.

Why doesn't she work, has she got young kids. So she should get child benefit.

She has an adult child who is almost 30 and has inherited her tendency to avoid work.

There's nothing physically wrong with her but she says she's unable to work, so perhaps there's something wrong behind the scenes of she's just a CF

She's 52 by the way

What annoys me as much as the constant requests is how she concocts dramatic tales like how she hasn't eaten since the day before, or she's in so much pain from headache/toothache.

If she's THAT impoverished she needs to go to a food bank

Do you think she's using the money for drugs or just flittering it away?

I think frittering it away, I can't see her being on drugs.

She has a clear problem with wasting money on random crap.

If she is single and on benefits without any dependent children she would get just over £75 a week to live on. So she probably is struggling. I’m surprised she can afford takeaways but that doesn’t mean you have to keep lending her money

I'm not sure which benefit she's on, I'm presuming universal credit though I may be wrong.

She orders takeaways as soon as her money hits her account after midnight, then orders things like accessories for her vapes, new juices, little trinkets etc.

Totally irresponsible spending

Op I would ask your freind for money every time she asks you play her at her own game, plead poverty.

If she contacts you again saying she has not eaten send her to the food bank, of she has no elec, gas etc get her to call the relevant companies to explain to them. You are doing the right thing by not sending her any more money, ever

She spent £58 on a new vape last month, then several 'premium' bottles of juices to go with it.

I've been reliant entirely on benefits myself for a year before and have absolutely no idea how she can do it, but she does.

She must have several of "me" who lend her money.

She must have several of "me" who lend her money.

Quite possibly. And she didn't even try to hide what she's doing, what a slap in the face.

She can go into any post office and with draw £5

Also with universal credit claimants are only paid every 4 weeks in one lump sum. This means people often have nothing left in the last week as the fail to budget properly.

She needs to learn to budget her money.

As another pp said, I wouldn't categorise this as piss taking as such because she always pays you back. It's irritating though and an unnecessary hassle at the level it is at. Also agree that if she's not working and her son is grown, her income from benefits will be very limited, so she probably genuinely doesn't have enough. I couldn't live on £75 a week. It's not a very nice existence regardless of the reasons.

I'd have said you don't have any money either and offered to give her a frozen pizza or tin of spaghetti. She would soon stop asking.

She gets paid fortnightly if what she tells me is correct, though I've no idea how much she receives or from which benefit. UC is just a guess.

I wouldn't be surprised if she was claiming ESA for some feigned illness or incapacity given her adamance that she's unable to work, but under what grounds I've no idea. Physically she is fine, no mental health problems either at least none she's open about.

She's very private about the amount she gets which is understandable, but very open about what she spends it on.

She's always sending me links to things online that she's ordering or has ordered.

Fair play to you for putting a stop to it. No doubt she will ask for money again. I'd completely ignore any further messages asking for money and only reply to messages where it's general chit chat, if you wish.

She spent £58 on a new vape last month, then several 'premium' bottles of juices to go with it. What?? How can she justify/boast about this and still beg you for money?

Remember this when she next asks you for a loan.