...to think he still wants me?

[FigRollTime]

Back in early December, a male friend and I became close but nothing happened because we both have partners and children. We never spoke about our feelings but I think it was obvious to each other. We’re still friends and are still with our original partners.

My question is, if he had strong feelings for me in December, is he likely to still have strong feelings for me now or can these things just disappear?

If it helps and for context, he’s a very logical, rational person. He thinks everything through and never makes rash decisions. He will be following his head in this matter.

Can men turn their feelings on and off? Will he still have feelings for me?

Thanks.

Why does it matter?
You leaving your partner?

Nobody can know this OP.

Can men turn their feelings on and off? I wouldn't have thought so. Can women?

Absolutely nobody on here can answer your question x

Bigonesmallone3, it matters because I still really care about him and the thought of him not reciprocating makes me feel sad. It’s human nature to want that reciprocity I guess.

ShitAtScarbble, I haven’t been able to turn my feelings off for him.

But I thought that maybe men are more rational and more sensible in these matters and, if nothing can ever happen, then he can possibly turn the feelings off. I don’t know.

Think about your partners feelings not his 🙄

OhLookMarch, you’re right. I suppose I was hoping for a ‘if he loved you in December then he most likely loves you still’.

Well you don’t really know if he has ever had strong feelings because you’ve never talked about it . Why do you need to know anyway, he has a partner and children, his feelings for you are irrelevant

Maybe you could ask your partner ..... i'm sure he'd be interested.

Are you unhappy in your current relationship or are you just wanting your ego boosted? Either way, this man is not the answer.

So you're not going to do anything about it but you want an ego boost, right?

Get a grip and think about your partner in all of this.

SavageBeauty73, I’m trying to think about everyone. I don’t want anyone to be hurt or get hurt. But as it is it’s most likely only me that’s suffering. Knowing that my friend still has feelings for me would help to ease my pain ever so slightly. Selfish? Yes, probably.

OP I guess the short answer is yes, YABU...to be actually thinking that he might still want you.

Longer answer...I understand how you are feeling, probably “buzzy” when he’s around etc etc, but if you think about it you know it’s wrong. Yes he might be a caring person and you might be too, but you both have partners.

So, wondering if he still “wants” you? Kind of wrong, isn’t it?

I bet those feelings are still there, maybe you need to reignite them

SpotlessMind, yes I’m not sure if he ever had strong feelings but I think he did. I need to know because it makes it easier somehow.

Surely to think that he's over it would be easier as you can get on with doing the same?

Bigonesmallone3, the rational part of my brain agrees with you. The part of my brain that is triggering all of these feelings of love is desperate for them to be reciprocated.

“I’m trying to think about everyone. I don’t want anyone to be hurt or get hurt.”

Really? If you really meant this you wouldn’t be asking other peoples’ views on this thread. So yes, sorry to say but you are being selfish. What do you think it would accomplish if you knew he felt the same?? You honestly think nothing would happen?

Perhaps you need to take a good hard look at yourself and your relationship and DC.

I’m sure there will be posters who are rather more direct in their answers along soon...

TooTrueToBeGood yes I’m unhappy but I feel trapped.

over50andfab, he is the most loyal man I have ever met. Nothing will happen. But I love him and knowing that he has feelings for me too would make it less painful for me....even without acting on those feelings. It would just make me feel less shit.

He’s one of those very rare men who I think I can say I’m 100% sure he would never have an affair.

Indulging in fantasy about how he feels is hardly going to help this go away OP is it?

But then i don't think you want it to.

Why don't you talk to your partner about it? Genuinely. Wouldn't you feel you at least deserved a heads up if he was 'desperate for feelings of love to be reciprocated' from another woman? In that scenario it would be up to you to help him get over it or chuck him out ..... which would you chose?

How would you tell the kids?

Think about these questions. It might kill the romantic fantasy a bit.

Of course he can turn his feelings off, just like some women can.

You don't really know the extent of his feelings...it might have just been...she's nice and I find her attractive.

Unless you shared some deep meaningful moments...you don't really know how he feels.

I think you need to focus on your partner/kids and life. He many have not thought anything to begin with and ruminating on it won't make you feel any better.

Laiste telling my partner has crossed my mind but it just seems too cruel to tell him that, although I’m willing to stay with him, I’m actually attracted to somebody else.

SandyY2K we did have some deep meaningful moments but he’s a brilliant actor and is trying to be good. So I don’t know if he has feelings or is brilliant at hiding them.