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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset that no one wanted to be my friend?

30 replies

TheMagiciansNiece · 24/03/2019 13:10

This has been praying on my mind for a couple of weeks now.

DH and I went to his nephew's wedding and he vaguely knew a few people, and I knew even fewer.

We had a nice time, chatted to lots of people etc.

Two weeks later and he's had 5 friend requests on Facebook from the wedding, whereas I've had none. I've no idea what I did wrong but very much having a crisis of confidence over this.

Any ideas as to why anyone?

OP posts:

thedevilinablackdress · 24/03/2019 13:12

What are your settings on FB? Mine is set so that I cannot be found by searching.

MummBraTheEverLeaking · 24/03/2019 13:12

It's his relative so maybe easier to find him on facebook?

Smelborp · 24/03/2019 13:15

Different people do different things. Maybe the people he was speaking wth are more likely to friend request people they’ve met once whilst the people you spoke with treat it as something for close friends and family only.

teta · 24/03/2019 13:18

Are you two?
If you’re trying to compete with your husband for friends you’re acting like one. Secondly just why worry about Facebook numbers? Is this how you assess your popularity?
The obvious answer in this case is it’s his family not yours.

Expressedways · 24/03/2019 13:19

It’s probably because he vaguely knew these people to start with. If you’re that bothered then friend these people yourself. But I don’t know of anyone that really still uses Facebook like that; this isn’t the social snub that it would have been in 2009. I’m sure you were perfectly charming and delightful, no need for a crisis of confidence.

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 24/03/2019 13:20

I really wouldn't worry about it, I'm often 'friends' with just one of a couple for no more reason than that one was the one I spoke to more, maybe your partner was the one to actively say 'add me, we can all get together'? Why don't you add them? Perhaps your name is harder to spell or is more common, your profile picture isn't of you? Millions of possible reasons!!

ShawshanksRedemption · 24/03/2019 13:23

He's had friend requests probably because it was his family member that got married, and nothing more than that.

I think this is just highlighting an issue for you, your lack of self confidence. Have you thought about getting some support for that so these kind of things don't bother you so much?

Perhaps you feel isolated and alone and are seeking out interaction via FB rather than in Real Life?

Drum2018 · 24/03/2019 13:30

Seriously? I'd berate my teen if she was whinging about not getting friend requests. I assume you are a grown woman - time to act like one and grow up. Maybe you should close your account if something so trivial is causing you a crisis of confidence.

SoupDragon · 24/03/2019 13:47

How many friend requests have you sent out to these people?

MyNewBearTotoro · 24/03/2019 13:52

The first friend request will have probably set off a chain event where all the friends of the first person had the notification ‘weddingguest is now friends with TheMagiciansNiecesDP’come up on their wall and so it prompted them to send their own friend request.

I bet if you add one as a friend you will suddenly find you get people sending you requests too.

BrendasUmbrella · 24/03/2019 13:57

Is it possibly because he told people to look him up on facebook, and you didn't?

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 24/03/2019 13:58

Would you accept randoms on FB from people you met once ? I wouldn't.

ittakes2 · 24/03/2019 13:59

If he is in his nephews Facebook then they found him easily through this.

Original poster

TheMagiciansNiece · 24/03/2019 14:12

Thanks for all your responses. I don't particularly want or need FB friends at all, but was surprised thatcher had so many requests and I had none.

For info, all the family members are friends of mine on FB, so I'd be just as easy to find as my DH.

Think I am over thinking it a bit. I felt very much the poor relation at this do - overweight, my hair is thinning and everyone seemed to be dressed up to the nines, whereas I was just in skirt and top. I think maybe I'm just a bit of a misfit generally.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 24/03/2019 14:18

It's definitely time for you to work on your self esteem OP, then you would be confident to send requests rather than just wait for them.

If your weight and clothes are bothering you then that's a good place to start. Go to the hairdresser's, buy a new outfit (it doesn't have to be expensive) and start there. Then concentrate on the rest. It will make you feel more confident.

bringincrazyback · 24/03/2019 14:19

I agree, there's a lot of variance in this. You sound like you're being very hard on yourself though OP, give yourself a break! I'm sure no one else was thinking what you were thinking about yourself, especially if they enjoyed chatting to you.

donquixotedelamancha · 24/03/2019 14:24

Are you two?

That is completely unfair. My 5YO is still learning to grow out of this sort of behaviour. Children mature at different rates. I'm sure by the time OP's daughter goes to high school all this will be a thing of the past.

SparklesandFlowers · 24/03/2019 14:26

I'm afraid I find it odd that you're upset about not getting FB friend requests. I'm assuming you're a grown woman. Do you want to be friends with these people? Are you someone who has a thousand FB friends? Do you and your DH compete to see who can get the most FB friends?

I've been attending several baby groups with my little one and have had zero FB friend requests from the other parents I meet, despite seeing some of them almost every week. I can assure you I am not bothered. My FB is for my actual friends so I can share photos with them, especially the ones that live abroad.

What is it on your FB you want these essentially strangers to see?

Cherrysoup · 24/03/2019 14:38

Why didn’t you dress up for the wedding? Could you not have borrowed an outfit or gone to a charity shop? I got a wedding guest type dress from TKMaxx, about £20. I don’t understand why you’re worried about your outfit after the fact.

diddl · 24/03/2019 14:51

FB friend request doesn't necessarily equal friend though does it?

That said I'm Billy no mates as far as FB is concerned-only people tha tI have actually known for years-not anyone & everyone that I meet!

PeapodBurgundy · 24/03/2019 15:15

Not everyone likes a large number of Facebook friends. I know these days you can pick and choose who sees what, and group people etc, but I can't be arsed with all of it. I have Facebook as I find it easy to keep in touch with people I don't see regularly for one reason or another. As far as I'm aware, I can only be seen by friends of friends, and can only be searched by somebody non-mutual using my email address. It made it easier than explaining to the Mams at various groups why I never accept their friend requests etc. I can't imagine I'm the only person who uses Facebook this way. It's likely nothing to do with you at all, and simply a difference in the way the people you both spoke to use social media

NunoGoncalves · 24/03/2019 15:24

Think I am over thinking it a bit

Yeah –just a little bit!

The social-media generation... My God. It's not important, OP. It's meaningless. Forget about it.

thistimeofyear · 24/03/2019 15:28

I think I was definitely born in the wrong century reading this!

Justkeeprollingalong · 24/03/2019 15:32

@donquixotedelamancha
Why are you mentioning OP's daughter? She doesn't mention a daughter - this is about her.

LetsSplashMummy · 24/03/2019 15:36

I think he's had an unusually high number for meeting people once. Has he posted some nice photos of the wedding? If he has, then the request will just be the result of that, not his personality over yours.

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