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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just had a raging argument with DP over the stupidest thing

74 replies

Spaceunicorn6789 · 23/03/2019 23:39

And I'm literally raging. And we never argue. Bicker from time to time but never full blown arguments.

Speaking about DPs brothers wedding and how theyre being pressured into inviting people they don't want through family politics etc.

Cue speak of our wedding and DP wanting to invite all and fucking sundry. Friends I've never even met who he hasn't seen since school... Distant uncles who we saw one Christmas 7 years ago and not a peep since... Ex girlfriend parents?!?!

The most ridiculous thing is, we aren't even engaged (Angry) so it was a stupid fucking argument anyway but I'm now furious that if we do get married it's going to be a fucking party for him with 10 people I actually know there and I'll end up sat in the corner basically.

So anyway I'm sulking over an imaginary wedding and he thinks I'm a selfish cowbag for not wanting him to invite these people to the imaginary wedding. Bullshit.

AIBU?!?!

OP posts:
BrieAndBread · 23/03/2019 23:42

Go to bed.

Sometimes these things just need 12 hours of reality and all will make sense tomorrow

TheDarkPassenger · 23/03/2019 23:44

I do think he should be able to invite who he wants. We’re having my partner’s exes parents and my ex and his new wife at our wedding. Doesn’t matter how we know these people they are people we want there on our special day because they’re close to us. There will also be some of his friends from school I haven’t met and some of my friends he hasn’t met.

Actually now I think more about it.... are you in a relationship with my fiancé????

Original poster
Spaceunicorn6789 · 23/03/2019 23:47

It's not about that I haven't met them... He wants to invite (to the imaginary wedding) people from his work I don't know. That's fine. But school friends from 14 years ago who haven't even so much as wished him a happy birthday in 10 years?! Come on.

I hope I'm not with your fiance or else we have bigger problems than an imaginary wedding!!

OP posts:
TheDarkPassenger · 23/03/2019 23:50

Hahaha yes that is very true 😂

steff13 · 23/03/2019 23:52

Who you invite to your imaginary wedding is limited to your imaginary budget. Who you invite to your real wedding will be based on your real budget. Assuming neither of you have unlimited financial resources, it's unlikely any of those people will make it close to the guest list.

malmi · 23/03/2019 23:53

Men don't tend to wish each other happy birthday. If he likes them and wants them there, what's the problem?

Justheretogiveaviewfrommyworld · 23/03/2019 23:58

If you've never had a row, you were due one. Go to bed and forget about it.

Fairenuff · 24/03/2019 00:00

It's all talk. I've yet to meet a man that could actually be arsed to organise a big wedding.

TheCraicDealer · 24/03/2019 00:00

Wait until you get engaged and then start getting prices. When he realises the bigger the do the less options you tend to have because of venue capacities, and that each of these of these invites will be £50 or £60 a head, he'll probably wind his neck in.

DpWm · 24/03/2019 00:03

Oh my God if you're like this now over an imaginary wedding it's going to be a shit storm if you actually ever have a wedding Grin

Pinkbells · 24/03/2019 00:03

If you're not engaged yet, just let it go over your head! When the time comes, if you haven't bashed each other to death by then about other people's weddings, sit down together and calmly agree a guest list. Crazy to get into a big rant about a hypothetical situation!

Mintypea5 · 24/03/2019 00:05

Wait until he sees the costs building up for their meals etc when you finally do plan a wedding! Then he'll want to trim down the list

Wantmyflipflops · 24/03/2019 00:06

Definitely what @TheCraicDealer said...men usually don't have a clue about the per head coat of a wedding.

My DH had over 80 people on his list. He also wanted to get married in a huge manor house. They told us it was £80 a head and his list went down to 30 people.

However if cost isn't an issue then you shouldn't stress.. as long as he is paying for it lol. The more the merrier :-)

GummyGoddess · 24/03/2019 00:07

Does he like food? Can you explain that the lower the guest count, the better food you can feed them? We had a small wedding and all of our guests said how impressed they were with the food as we picked steak (no vegetarians!) and they had more wine than the usual 2-3 bottles per table, plus canapes, plus ginormous evening buffet.

Or explan your imaginary dress costs 10k and you can't afford more than 5 guests Wink

Ilovemypantry · 24/03/2019 00:11

Can’t believe you’ve actually had a full blown argument about an imaginary wedding 😂😂

ReanimatedSGB · 24/03/2019 00:15

Have a cup of tea, a biscuit and go to bed, it will all seem ludicrous in the morning.
I once had a huge row with my co-parent about the fact that we are amicable co-parents but couldn't cope with being a couple - the actual subject of the row was who would bury whom under the patio first.
He lives in a flat so he hasn't got a fucking patio.

Verynice · 24/03/2019 00:16

Maybe hold off of becoming bridezilla until he proposes?

MollyYouInDangerGirl · 24/03/2019 00:19

I'd be fuming too. I'm getting married this year and my partner had ideas about inviting people that he hadn't been in touch with for years because they were "such good friends at school".

It's so ridiculous though, and he gradually dropped the idea of inviting people he hadn't kept in touch with. I think him dropping the idea coincided with finding out how much it cost per person though Haha

MissConductUS · 24/03/2019 00:22

Point out to him (when you've both cooled off a bit) what a decent catered meal at a wedding reception costs once you've factored in drinks, wine, cake, table favors, etc. 50 quid at least I'd guess. They multiply that figure by the number of distant relatives and marginal friends he wants to invite.

Original poster
Spaceunicorn6789 · 24/03/2019 00:27

That's the other annoying thing... The imaginary budget was 10k... So that was the next strema of the argument "if you think I'm paying 5k to feed a bunch of STRANGERS!" and so on...

I agree it is bloody ridiculous!!!

I have a small family and a few close friends so not many people for me to invite really.

I guess so just don't understand he wants to invite Bob who he went to Ibiza with when he was 18... Who the hell is Bob I've never heard of him... When was the last time you saw him?? In ibiza when I was 18?! But he was a close friend when I was growing up? Well he's nae a close friend how is he so invite him to the imaginary evening do then.

okay the more tired I get the more ridiculous this is getting

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 24/03/2019 00:30

My DP and I got engaged six months ago. He had this exact same dream. He wanted to invite everyone from work, people he went to school with and hasn't seen for 10 years. His whole family, ones he's not even met and loads of people I don't know.

This isn't happening and I've not even had to say a word. Once it hit that it was real and what it costs and inviting them, he's gone off the idea and only wants a few people now.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 24/03/2019 00:46

He lives in a flat so he hasn't got a fucking patio.

😂😂😂

ILoveMaxiBondi · 24/03/2019 00:48

FWIW (I’m not even dating anyone but I feel fine to say this as we’re talking hypothetical weddings here! Grin) I’m not sure I would feel comfortable with anyone I didn’t know and actually like at my wedding. Which makes it a very small wedding indeed Grin

ClingFilmApplications · 24/03/2019 00:52

YANBU it would be weird to have a wedding with the balance-of-guests badly tipped in the direction of one partner.

GreenTulips · 24/03/2019 01:12

I wonder if this is how the Royals feel at their own weddings! Hundreds of unknown relatives and strangers!!

Do you think they have a sneaky wedding the week before with just close family and friends?