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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Too mean and passive-aggressive?

41 replies

6amDanceParty · 23/03/2019 03:40

34 weeks pregnant with kidney stones and SPD; I'm in a lot of pain. Husband knows this. Decides to go out with (our) friends for the evening, leaving me to look after our toddler by myself.

Anyway, several hours after asking me how I am and then not bothering to reply to me telling him how awful I was feeling, he comes back at about 2am. So drunk he can't figure out how to open his own fucking front door. Has loud phone calls on speaker phone until I tell him to shut up. He's woken the toddler but was too drunk to either notice or do anything about it. He's also covered the downstairs wc in vomit and is now snoring hugging the upstairs toilet (also covered in vomit). I need to pee every 90 minutes through the night at the moment and am not best pleased at now being forced to go up and down the stairs all night to use the cold, vommy downstairs loo. I'm hangry because I've not eaten in 12 hours due to the pain. I'm tired because he's woken me up and now I can't get back to sleep because pregnancy.

Would I be unreasonable to have a nice loud baby shark dance party with our toddler as soon as he wakes up tomorrow morning? I can guarantee it won't disturb the neighbours - just the guy in the bathroom with what promises to be an absolutely horrific hangover. There's also some vacuuming that needs doing on the landing. Grin

OP posts:
steff13 · 23/03/2019 03:48

I'd be livid. I don't understand people getting that drunk. You would not be unreasonable to wake him up, make him clean it up, and have the baby shark party. Really, I would struggle to find my husband attractive after this.

Expressedways · 23/03/2019 03:50

Blast out baby shark when the toddler wakes up and then leave your DH in charge whilst you go back to bed. YWBU to even consider hoovering under the circumstances, I hope you are implying that your DH will have to do it hungover. Also make him clean both bathrooms since he’s puked everywhere Grin

burritofan · 23/03/2019 03:51

You'd not be unreasonable to kick him out tbh. Nor to wee in a bucket all night instead of using vom-loo, and add the bucket to his clean-up tasks in the morning. (Please tell me you're not going to clean this all up in the morning!)

WhiteDust · 23/03/2019 03:57

I suppose you'll have to clean the downstairs loo so that you can use it during the night but leave everything else for him.
As for your DH... he sounds awful. He needs to grow up.

julensaor · 23/03/2019 03:58

Can u get the duck out of dodge at like 6! But leave the toddler there and wake him to tell him so; just disappear yourself until Monday afternoon

goodolddaze · 23/03/2019 04:01

Can’t believe how many DHs go out and come back so drunk they’re spewing. I’d be disgusted.

steff13 · 23/03/2019 04:03

Especially when OP is so sick herself and there's another child to look after.

Boulshired · 23/03/2019 04:06

Sod the shark dance, he has got himself that pissed because he can. He knows you are unwell and yet knows you well pick up the pieces tomorrow caring for your child.

CaseofEllen · 23/03/2019 04:07

Oh dear OP! I'd be annoyed he'd even gone out and left me with toddler for the evening if I felt as poorly as you at 34 weeks pregnant. To come home that drunk and puke everywhere is just Hmm have the dance party as early as possible and then go back to bed!

ohfourfoxache · 23/03/2019 05:51

Don’t you have to go out on a really important errand as soon as you wake up? One that you couldn’t possibly take a child with you?

I joke of course - the only place you should be going is back to bed after peeing. And don’t you dare lift a finger to clean up after him.

Kaleela · 23/03/2019 05:54

This would be one of those rare occasions where I would throw a bucket if water on the tosser and tell him to go clean up his mess AT A MINIMUM

dontgobaconmyheart · 23/03/2019 06:01

Came to say I genuinely, genuinely would chuck water on his head and tell him to bloody well get up and clean up his mess; its inconsiderate and honestly embarrassing to be a grown adult and not able to demonstrate basic restraint with alcohol, especially when you have someone else at home with you to consider such as this. I'd be very pissed off and disappointed, and no way on gods green earth would I clean up a grown adults vomit as a result of drinking - he'd have to do it in the morning.Sorry about your shit night OP, sounds like all you need Flowers

BertrandRussell · 23/03/2019 06:19

Bucket of water. Don’t clean anything. His job.

FurrySlipperBoots · 23/03/2019 06:30

When's his 21st birthday? Maybe he'll have grown into his responsibilities by then!

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/03/2019 06:33

YANBU Before clearing anything up downstairs, make sure you take photos of the loos and him. Like the idea of throwing water on him.

Climbingahoneytree · 23/03/2019 06:37

If my grandad were alive, he would be telling you to pee using the loo he is hugging and accidentally get a bit of splash back on his face.

YANBU. Your DH is being a prick.

Snog · 23/03/2019 06:42

I'm fine with DH going out but not with dealing with the next day hungover.

Don't make today easy for him. He needs to help you so you can rest. You will deffo need a nap to catch up from a disturbed night. He needs to clean bathrooms, entertain kids and cook for you as an absolute minimum. If today is really tough for him he might think twice about being hungover again.

pictish · 23/03/2019 06:46

Well he’ll have a lot cleaning up to do today. I’d not be upset over him going out for the night but I sure as hell wouldn’t be mopping up after him.

HarrysOwl · 23/03/2019 06:47

What the hell?

Going out with friends leaving you at home pregnant and poorly is a little bit Hmm but then coming home at 2am blind drunk is such immature and selfish behaviour.

Sod Babyshark, go with Black Sabbath!

I hope he has a mountain of good characteristics and is otherwise a wonderful husband because he behaved like a dick.

Definitely get him to clean his mess.

Orchidflower1 · 23/03/2019 06:49

Hope baby shark is booming out op! What snog said is spot on- no issue with going out it’s the lateness and the state he was in that’s not on. Today, tomorrow and the rest of the week need to be awful for him. He should have more respect for you and for himself.

allthingsred · 23/03/2019 06:49

Make sure as soon as toddler awake they know daddy's looking after them.
Then take yourself off somewhere for the day where you can treat yourself.
I'd be livid.
When my OH has come home drunk in the past he has known he will have to be up at 6 the next morning with 3 little ones to pay for it.

justilou1 · 23/03/2019 06:50

I hope toddler gets up EXTRA early, too. Bloody manchildren!!! My husband did that when we had a two year old and our twins were three weeks old. He hasn’t done it since. I left for two days and didn’t answer the phone.

AguerosAngel · 23/03/2019 06:53

As Good said, I’m amazed at the amount of DH/DP’s of MNetters who go out and get so shitfaced that they throw up/pee themselves, it’s disgusting!

YWNBU to just leave him to it today OP, definitely a Baby Shark disco for the DC for Daddy to supervise. I’d be taking myself off to the nail bar/hairdressers for a pamper and leaving the horrible hog to it!

FrozenMargarita17 · 23/03/2019 06:54

I would go with Rammstein for a morning playlist, actually :))

Happygolucky009 · 23/03/2019 06:54

I would get up early, ignore him and go out for the day. No good will come from sitting at home seething, he clearly isn't going to be good for anything today.

How often does he behave like this and is he safe to around? Are you safe?

Do your own thing with your child today and have a serious discussion tomorrow and consider whether you want a future with this man .