AIBU to wonder how you would feel about your child having an autistic teacher?

[Aspieteach]

Name changed for this just in case any one from my school is able to identify me from previous posts.

I had an appointment today at my county's neurobehavioural clinic. No formal diagnosis yet, but I was told that I meet the diagnostic criteria for ASD. I'm going to "come out" to friends and colleagues once I've had a formal diagnosis but don't know whether to tell parents or not.

I've been a primary school teacher for over 20 years and have always had good relationships with both the children in my class and with parents. But I'm not sure whether parents who don't know me would feel uncomfortable with the idea of their children being taught by someone with autism or whether parents who do know me may change their opinion of me.

I'll read all replies if anyone takes the trouble to post, but won't be back on this thread tonight. Today's been quite intense and overwhelming. I'm feeling pretty exhausted so am off to bed now.

It wouldn’t bother me at all but I’m s fellow aspie. I’m actually thinking of getting into special needs nursing myself. Not sure how my aspergers would go down with potential employers though

To me it would depend on whether they can do the job adequately but then that goes for all teachers autistic or not.

No one's business but your own.

Not a problem
DD has an autistic English teacher and really likes how he teaches

It would not bother me. But I also don't think it's anyone's business, so you should choose whether to disclose it.

It wouldn't bother me. My children having a great teacher is all I want. As a pp said, you could be a great role model for students who have it too. That said asa patent I wouldn't expect to be told anything about the health of my children's teachers.

Don't tell parents - it is none of their business. As for helping at PTA events you just make it clear that for sensory processing or medical reasons you can't do the hall.

If a colleague or my ds teacher “announced” they were on the autism spectrum I would be and worried/wonder what I was supposed to do with that information. People on the spectrum I have met are all so different I don’t find knowing very useful tbh.
However, I don’t think there’s any harm in saying in a relevant context with a reason and what you expect the recipient of the information to do with that info.

Out of interest, in an ideal world what’s your greatest hope for having parents know? Do you want them to say or do something differently? Or understand something specific about you and how you do things?

I think I may be in the same boat as you but for various reasons (including your concerns) am not pursuing a diagnosis. I would not see the need for parents to know. I would feel that if my DCs teachers announced this it would feel like over sharing. However I think there's a good case for your head to know as it could well be relevant under the dda.

This is your private business and life.,
I am a teacher and I do not think you should tell parents.

Thinking about you first- I think you have to be realistic for every 25 parents who are fine there will be a vocal 1 or 2 who could use it to be cruel.

Secondly, if you think of all the teachers out there- there are all sorts going on for each of them and it is highly inappropriate for that to be shared with the students or parents.

The only exception I can see is if you are doing a talk and you are using your experience to help guide other school children/parents to a better understanding of how to navigate school life with autism. Therefore you are using it to ‘serve’ your community.

As a big reveal....definitely not.

Thanks again for all the messages. It's been very helpful reading them through.

The consensus seems to be that parents wouldn't want to know (think it's none of their business and/or would be uncomfortable with oversharing) and if they did happen to find out they wouldn't give a toss as long as I cared for their child and was a good teacher. I find that reassuring and hope that parents I come across in RL would be the same.

I think that some of the later posters hadn't RTFT (I can't blame you - I often just read the first and last pages of a thread) so hadn't seen my updates. I wasn't planning on any kind of big reveal or grand announcement.

I was thinking about maybe dropping it into a conversation if it seemed relevant and am also aware that it may just get out into the school community anyway (eg because my daughter may mention it to her friends and some of them have younger siblings who are at the school where I teach).

I'm still undecided about whether to let colleagues know. I can see the pros, but posters have also made me aware of the cons (from my POV and from my colleagues' POV).

@AnxiousAspie: I found your post really helpful, especially the comment Don't see it as lying and as being honest; see it as managing the information. I'm so sorry for the way your ex reacted. That's awful.

@CuppaSara: Thanks for the congratulations - not crass at all. It's really explained a lot and has come as quite a relief. I'd been very anxious before the appointment because I'd half expected to be told that I was reading too much into things, my difficulties weren't severe enough, it was all in my head etc (which is why I'd been reluctant to talk about it in advance, even to close family)

@museumum: you'd asked Out of interest, in an ideal world what’s your greatest hope for having parents know? Do you want them to say or do something differently? Or understand something specific about you and how you do things?
I don't particularly want parents to know; I have been wondering how they would react if they find out. I suppose I'm a bit anxious in case there would be an adverse reaction. If it's something parents would worry about.
I also wondered if there was a child in my class with, for example ASD or sensory issues, whether it would be helpful for a parent to know that I had the same issues and could understand their dc a bit more.

I wouldn’t tell the parents . I am sure most will be fine but there is always that parent .

Unless it affects my child it is none big my business.

I think one of the things I like about the change of teachers is they learn at different from them.

My DD has a teacher who was head of year whi has autism, the girls know so that’s how some parents know I guess. It’s really not a big deal. Autism is part of our society and brings many benefits just like neuro-typical brains do. Try not to focus on it too much, but don’t feel you need to keep it a secret. My DD has autism and was actually happy to see an adult woman, with autism who has a good job and a family.

You sound like a fantastic teacher to put the children and parents first above the possible personal cost to yourself of disclosing. I would be very happy for my children to have you as their teacher. But there would be absolutely no need for me to know something so personal about you. All that matters is that you’re a good teacher and you care, and that certainly applies in your case.

DD3 has HFA. She doesn't disclose it unless on a "need to know" basis eg her friends and boyfriend know, only because so they understand when she wants to have alone time when as she puts it "she's peopled out". She is comfortable with who she is and likes the fact that she thinks differently to others. Her friends come to her because they love her direct, non bullshit approach.
Would I care if my kids teacher was ASD? Not a bit. Nor would I need to know. As someone else said, so many people still think that being autistic is "Rainman" style flapping and it isn't like that for everyone.
You have been a teacher for 20 yrs and are obviously great at what you do, so no one needs to know.

and am also aware that it may just get out into the school community anyway (eg because my daughter may mention it to her friends and some of them have younger siblings who are at the school where I teach).
Please be careful with that way of disseminating information, that would be gossip, wouldn't it, or Chinese Whispers, [are we allowed to say that these days?] both of which distort the actual message. Who knows how that will be phrased by the time it gets around the school playground and to your colleagues. "Miss has mental problems" being the likeliest and most polite wrong interpretation and passed on by people who genuinely think autism is a mental health issue.

I also wondered if there was a child in my class with, for example ASD or sensory issues, whether it would be helpful for a parent to know that I had the same issues and could understand their dc a bit more

The problem with that is no two people present the same way with autism, so you may end up with parents thinking you fully understand their child like they do which would probably unrealistically raise their expectations of you a lot, but you wouldn't have the same perceptions as them, because their child's presentation could be very different to yours.

I think you need to take some time out to process your diagnosis and evaluate how it affects you, and how disclosure may affect you, positively and adversely, rather than carry on with this seemingly evangelical zeal of spreading the word.

Your intentions are good but your methods need more thought and more awareness of wrongful interpretation both accidental and deliberate, if you want this approach to be a success.

"I also wondered if there was a child in my class with, for example ASD or sensory issues, whether it would be helpful for a parent to know that I had the same issues and could understand their dc a bit more"

This is a bit of a double edged sword. For everyone who might feel like that, there will be as many or (more likely) more, who might think your autism makes it harder for you to understand where their own child is coming from, with their dyslexia/ attachment disorder / family grief / physical disabilities / playground friendship issues / different profile of autism. Once the genie is out of the bottle you won't get opportunities to counter that - they might judge you before they even meet you.

We had a teacher who was described by other parents as "a bit on the spectrum". My autistic son's had some fab teachers, but he had a really difficult year with her. I repeat, MN is not representative of RL. I think you are wrong to take from this thread that parents in general wouldn't give a shit. There is more potential downside to sharing the info than you think, in my view.

I also wondered if there was a child in my class with, for example ASD or sensory issues, whether it would be helpful for a parent to know that I had the same issues and could understand their dc a bit more

ASD is such a huge spectrum. I have a child with severe Asd. I often find the 'experts' because they have ASD themselves or a close family member with ASD the worst and least open - they often think they know it all based on their very limited personal experience.

and then you have lots of ignorance around ASD - Mumsnet seems ASD heavy (for loss of a better word) and more open but that isn't my experience in the RL. there is so much ignorance and prejudice out there. Just keep it to yourself. This is nobody's business.

After 20 years Teaching, You have this, it is not any of the parents business.

I think it's possible that one of my DC's primary teachers has an autism type disorder. He is an amazing, inspirational teacher & has been all three of my DC's favourite.

I hope your diagnosis helps you to access support, but it doesn't change who you are, especially if you are well thought of.

i would have loved it.
you would have at least understood my kids needs,not bully one to a nervous breakdown in y6 at 11 or leave the other to play in y2 at 6 just because he could not talk

as im valleys of south wales there are no special schools here so we were stuck with the local village school(couldnt change as the next village school is for that vllage)and these 2 teachers ruined my faith in teachers to the point i now home educate as schools are rubbish with sen kids

*I think you need to take some time out to process your diagnosis and evaluate how it affects you, and how disclosure may affect you, positively and adversely, rather than carry on with this seemingly evangelical zeal of spreading the word.

Your intentions are good but your methods need more thought and more awareness of wrongful interpretation both accidental and deliberate, if you want this approach to be a success.*

I couldn't agree more. You're being too hasty here, by a long way. There's no need for your daughter to tell anyone yet (if at all). It's not a medical condition that people need to know about to keep you safe. You are the same person you've always been, and you've got by this far. Some people might well start treating you differently in ways you'd prefer they didn't (even if they're being kind). Do you really want to be defined by a condition you didn't even know you had until now?

Your colleagues manage your quirks fine, by the sound of it. I had some of the same ones (staying and working in my classroom in breaks, because it was quiet and I could re-group). No-one thought anything of it, and I used to laugh at myself with them about my hermit tendencies. But let's be honest, there might just be someone who uses your diagnosis against you at some point.

You really do need to slow down and think this through. Tell your daughter that you're going to do this too, and let her know that maybe holding off on talking to people about it might be a good idea until you've processed everything.

Ugh. The top five lines in my post were a quote from someone else's post and should have been bolded. I don't know why it didn't work.

My youngest is almost 9 and going through the assessment process. I would not be bothered by it. So long as my child is happy and learning thats all i am bothered about. If you don't want to discuss it that's your choice. Personally i think i would wait a bit after telling colleagues etc then maybe just a few select parents with children suspected of asd to show them how much their child could acheive. If you decide to put it out publicly do it in your own time maybe as a letter and tell parents if they have concerns to come see you. You have done a fine job for this long i am sure so that should be all the proof they need.