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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to wonder how you would feel about your child having an autistic teacher?

128 replies

Aspieteach · 22/03/2019 22:30

Name changed for this just in case any one from my school is able to identify me from previous posts.

I had an appointment today at my county's neurobehavioural clinic. No formal diagnosis yet, but I was told that I meet the diagnostic criteria for ASD. I'm going to "come out" to friends and colleagues once I've had a formal diagnosis but don't know whether to tell parents or not.

I've been a primary school teacher for over 20 years and have always had good relationships with both the children in my class and with parents. But I'm not sure whether parents who don't know me would feel uncomfortable with the idea of their children being taught by someone with autism or whether parents who do know me may change their opinion of me.

I'll read all replies if anyone takes the trouble to post, but won't be back on this thread tonight. Today's been quite intense and overwhelming. I'm feeling pretty exhausted so am off to bed now.

OP posts:

Forkrightorf · 23/03/2019 07:18

I wouldn't expect a formal announcement as a parent either but I think it's fair to prepare for the info to filer out as per your pp. I wouldn't worry at all as a parent - your experience clearly speaks for itself.

My DS actually has a trainee teacher who has autism assigned to his class at the moment. His autism is quite obvious and he's very open about it - the kids love him and he seems to be doing very well. I'm certainly happy with his input as a parent. I'd say his only hurdle is that his autism makes him struggle with names - he has been in with DS class since September and literally cannot remember one name! I'm sure he and his teachers will come up with some strategies to help before he qualifies and gets his own class though.
I hope your diagnosis is well received

daisychain01 · 23/03/2019 07:27

OP - The trouble with labelling yourself is that it sets an expectation there is something "wrong" with you which can be particularly unhelpful in a workplace setting, where the tendency is towards people behaving a certain way, to certain norms. Despite all the diversity and inclusion nowadays, people still have unconscious bias, so don't feed into that.

Be proud of your own uniqueness but don't count on everyone seeing your autism as something to embrace, especially those who don't understand it. Most people will continue to get along with you but there'll be the odd few who reveal a judgmental side just because you've highlighted it.

ooooohbetty · 23/03/2019 07:27

I wouldn't have a problem but I would wonder why you felt the need to tell me. I don't need to know.

Pluginwall · 23/03/2019 07:36

I wouldn't have a problem but I would wonder why you felt the need to tell me. I don't need to know.

^This

daisychain01 · 23/03/2019 07:38

Aspie why do you need to justify yourself to colleagues. If you're not keeping up with paperwork etc, this isn't something to discuss with them. It's something for your line manager. You're opening yourself up to a world of judgement and scrutiny. If I wasnt keeping up with things at work, no way would I make myself vulnerable to other colleagues.

In your case, your diagnosis gives you access to reasonable adjustments through your employer, which is none of your colleagues' business. I feel concern for you that you're adding a layer of complexity that could make your life harder not easier.

PolarBearDisguisedAsAPenguin · 23/03/2019 07:42

I wouldn’t expect or want to know. In the same way I wouldn’t expect to have any other medical information about you shared with me or other parents.

However, I've been a primary school teacher for over 20 years and have always had good relationships with both the children in my class and with parents.

^This is very relevant and what is important here.

YemenRoadYemen · 23/03/2019 07:42

I wouldn't see it as any of my business and absolutely wouldn't expect to be told.

You make a very insightful and crucial point - adults are much more about non-verbal communication and behaving in ways that belies their true feelings. Not so much young children.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 23/03/2019 07:50

As an ex teacher I'd add my voice to the "Don't tell them, they don't need to know" pile. You will just be anothe rof those teaches with a quirk!

I have worked with quite a few colleagues who were autistic. Some of them were the best teachers I have worked with, others maybe not. So they fall into the same categories as everyone else, no different from any other teacher really!

If you find some things get aay from you discuss it with your HoD, they'll be able to put some support in place quite easily, the same as they would for any not autistic teacher who is crap at paperwork!

Mostly though, put down the 'badge of dishonour' and concentrate on working out how to incorporate all that new information into your every day self.

Best of luck working through it all.

bobstersmum · 23/03/2019 07:50

Absolutely no problem with it here.

Original poster

Aspieteach · 23/03/2019 07:53

Thanks again for all the posts.

The comments about whether or not to tell colleagues are interesting. I'd taken that as a given, but that's probably because I'm naturally very honest and find lying/covering things up difficult (a typical autistic trait). I'm very good at pretend play when I have to be (my dd loved it when she was little), but not so good at pretending in real life.

I am curious about whether they suspect or not. I think some of the people that I work closely with have an idea, but a lot would be surprised as I'm very good at masking. I'm lucky to work in a school where both teaching and non-teaching staff are lovely so I genuinely don't have to worry about adverse reactions.

If you're not keeping up with paperwork etc, this isn't something to discuss with them. It's something for your line manager. You're opening yourself up to a world of judgement and scrutiny. If I wasnt keeping up with things at work, no way would I make myself vulnerable to other colleagues

I do manage to keep up with the workload by putting strategies into place to help me, living by lists etc. But it's exhausting!

OP posts:

averythinline · 23/03/2019 08:01

I have no idea of any of my dc teachers have ASD as I don't lnow them personally....
As long as DC learn and get on ok thats all I'm interested in about their teachers really....
If it gets out and people ask then I would be open , but I'm very private person so its not something I would tell anyone unless I thought it may have an impact on them..... so I may tell my employer and possibly coleagues I work closely with but strangers (and your pupils parents are strangers ) probably not...

7circlemats · 23/03/2019 08:01

"I do manage to keep up with the workload by putting strategies into place to help me, living by lists etc. But it's exhausting!"

Honestly I think that is just teaching in general and not related to ASD. I'm not autistic but struggle too.

I'd tell colleagues if you think it would help, I wouldn't tell parents.

Nanny0gg · 23/03/2019 08:02

I'm not saying that being autistic means you can't be a good teacher but I do think it's less likely. It's no different to my personality making me unsuitable for being a good proof reader or copy writer.

There are many reasons that make people not good teachers. Sadly that doesn't always stop them. As autism presents in many different ways there is no reason to think that it's a problem for the OP. Not everyone with autism struggles with relationships.

Original poster

Aspieteach · 23/03/2019 08:07

Honestly I think that is just teaching in general and not related to ASD. I'm not autistic but struggle too

There's a lot of truth in that. Things have changed a lot since I started teaching. Myself and other experienced teachers occasionally have a moan about it, and the younger ones can't quite believe how much more relaxed things used to be.

OP posts:

Walkaround · 23/03/2019 08:08

Tbh, as a parent I wouldn't want to know. I wouldn't know what I was expected to do with the information. It's not really relevant to parents, is it, if it doesn't compromise your teaching?

youarenotkiddingme · 23/03/2019 08:10

My sons autistic so I expect I'd be pleased as you'd be someone who actually got him rather than had learnt to understand him.

In general though I couldn't care less about a teachers personal life etc. As long as they age good at their job.

Which you obviously are after 20 years!

AnxiousAspie · 23/03/2019 08:14

I need to echo what people have said; do not just tell colleagues and most certainly not parents. These people do not have the right to know this and do not need to know.

I was diagnosed as an adult and it ended my marriage as he didn't want to have that label. I have told my closest friends (work and outside), my family and my head of department, but I told him as a friend and not boss, as it doesn't affect my work. And he only knows as he saw me very emotional the day a student committed suicide, and he had never seen me like that.

I completely understand the whole 'coming out' part of it, because the diagnosis was such a relief as it finally explained things about how I operate on everyday life. But you need to remember that everyone is operates slightly different anyway, and we are such a bit further down the scale. After the shock of my ex husband, and experience of having relationships with women when I was younger, I knew that any coming out with anything was risky, as as a teacher you can't expose yourself to that. Don't see it as lying and as being honest; see it as managing the information. I don't walk in a room and tell everyone 'sorry if I'm a bit moody today I have PMT', the same way I don't walk in an say 'FFS, my data might be late because I've really struggled with my executive function today and been really distracted by the colourful thing on the wall' (not a joke, pretty patterns completely mess with me and I start working out the area ratios and stuff...)

grasspigeons · 23/03/2019 08:17

Like others, this information wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I am pretty sure both my children have had autistic teachers.

However, it really is none of my business so I'd be surprised to be told and find that a bit odd.

SylvanianFrenemies · 23/03/2019 08:25

It wouldn't bother me. However I wouldn't expect to be told and would advise against telling. It's not parents' business. By telling them it makes it look like it is relevant. Plus, there will always be some dicks who have the potential to make an issue of it.

AnnaMagnani · 23/03/2019 08:59

Honestly I know why you might want to tell people but I wouldn't.

Mumsnet is lovely but it is not real life. Real life is full of bastards.

I wouldn't mind you teaching my child - you clearly are competent, my child might be autistic and I might be autistic. But do you want to be a standard bearer?

FWIW I told my employer and 2 months later I was leaving having been bullied out. I am positive the two things are connected. Next job I'll be going in expecting it fully to be aprotected disability and with my wits about me.