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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want partner going out night before mother's Day?

110 replies

ohhcecelia · 22/03/2019 18:15

DH had planned a night in with some mates Friday before mother's Day - which was fine, I planned to go off my mum's to spend the night so I was out of the way.

Now people can't make it so instead he's planning a work night out, the Saturday night before mother's Day? AIBU to be upset at this? No plans for the next day, I obviously won't get one of the two lie-ins I get a year (birthday and MD) and he'll spend the entire day hungover.

OP posts:
JoyceDivision · 31/03/2019 08:20

Leave.

Or, rather, tell him to leave.

What a grade A wanker.

Original poster
ohhcecelia · 31/03/2019 08:23

Luckily it's my house. Well, my family members house that we rent and I'll inherit. I know he'll try and make it difficult for me though. I'll end up having to evict him before he goes anywhere, he's on a contract.

OP posts:
ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 31/03/2019 08:24

Shock what a fucking arsehole!

Yes that would most certainly be it for me. How bloody dare he?!

It sounds a bit strange in context, but Happy Mother's Day op; treat yourself by throwing him the fuck out for good.

EnglishRose13 · 31/03/2019 08:25

Get rid. Then you'll be able to enjoy more than two measly lie-ins a year!

Seriously, this relationship sounded shit before your update. Would you want your daughter in a relationship like this? No? So don't put up with this bullshit yourself.

BlueSuffragette · 31/03/2019 08:27

Done. He needs to move out so you can move on with your life without him. X

Weenurse · 31/03/2019 08:30

Before he contacts you gather all the paperwork you need.
Bank statements, passports, pension plans etc.
If you have joint savings transfer half to an account he can not access.
Pack him a bag and leave on the doorstep.
It does not mean your Marr is over unless one of you says it is, but it does give you both space to think.

AppleKatie · 31/03/2019 08:37

Give yourself a Mother’s day treat. Get online and seperate your money away from him as quickly as you can.

Pack him a bag, leave it outside. Bolt the door. If you don’t trust him to go quietly, ring a friend/brother/your parents to come and sit in the house with you.

Elizabeth2019 · 31/03/2019 08:38

I’d be getting the locks changed too...

Sorry you’ve found the messages OP but he didn’t sound great before your update. General selfishness isn’t a deal breaker but messaging another woman, meeting up etc isn’t something I could put up with.

Hopefully you can enjoy some of Mother’s Day with your child, whilst packing a bag for him?...

Original poster
ohhcecelia · 31/03/2019 08:39

We don't have joint finances. Thank you everyone Flowers

OP posts:
starshollow1 · 31/03/2019 08:39

He's a lazy waste of space OP and he's holding you back. Now it sounds like he's spent the night with a woman he's been flirting with for over a year. Has he been in touch at all?

Spend this morning gathering paperwork...bank statements, wage slips, passports, birth certificates etc. Put them in a safe place (perhaps your DM). Regardless of what happens next it gives you a little security and some feeling of control over things.

Ask your relative to give you both notice, then sign a new contract with just your name. The clock is then ticking for him to be out if you want him to be.

Daenerys77 · 31/03/2019 08:41

I am so sorry. This is a terrible thing to find out. But at least you have confirmation of what you had already begun to suspect-he is not committed to the relationship with you. You now need to start thinking about practical issues. If you have a joint bank account, you might want to get your share of the money out of it as fast as possible. And find a solicitor.

Viobihi · 31/03/2019 08:43

For me, that would be it. Relationship over. Your head will be all over the place just now though, it’s totally shit.

I’d message him and tell him not to bother coming home. Try to keep calm and give yourself a few days, a week even, to get your head together - then decide what you want to do with his stuff. I know you will want answers but completely ignore him for now (except the text)

And what about the girl? Surely she must know he has a family? Especially if they’re messaging on SM!

I really feel for you OP but please be strong and get this waste of space out of your life.

Happy Mother’s Day and good luck Flowers

YouTheCat · 31/03/2019 08:49

If you are renting from a family member, is his name on the lease?

Original poster
ohhcecelia · 31/03/2019 08:49

Thank you everyone.

No, no messages. Not since about 10pm last night anyway.

Yes she knows. They work together, she regularly plays with my daughter if we go in to see him Angry She knows all about us, she's actually in a relationship as well. For context he's early 30s and she's almost ten years younger.

OP posts:
mumtomaxwell · 31/03/2019 08:49

I think he left Facebook open deliberately because he was too scared to admit what he’s been up to.

I wish you well OP in getting rid of him and moving on to a bigger and better life without him.

Original poster
ohhcecelia · 31/03/2019 08:50

His name is on our tenancy agreement, yes.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 31/03/2019 08:53

OP it has to be over now there is no coming back from this

But look at it this way you do pretty much everything with separate finances will you even notice

YouTheCat · 31/03/2019 08:55

Get family member to begin eviction process then.

QueenofmyPrinces · 31/03/2019 08:55

I’m sorry OP - what a shitty situation.

You deserve so much better. Don’t let him treat you like this and start making a better life for yourself and your daughter Flowers

OKBobble · 31/03/2019 08:56

Even if his name os on the tenancy yiu can still throw him out.

NoShoeShops · 31/03/2019 08:56

Tell your family member who you rent from and see if they can get him out.

What a dick.

strawberrisc · 31/03/2019 08:59

Another Mother’s Day when I thank God I’m single.

ButtMuncher · 31/03/2019 09:02

Get rid. What a prize wanker. I'm sorry Thanks

Pizzaaddict · 31/03/2019 09:06

You know what op I think finding those messages is the best thing that could have happened as it’s now clear cut that he is a shit and you will be rid of him rather than dilly dallying and hoping he will change.

user1511042793 · 31/03/2019 09:07

I’m sorry. You’ve answered your own question now I hope you have the strength to carry it through. Flowers

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