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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having to explain why you don't drink alcohol

76 replies

DirtyDennis · 22/03/2019 11:28

So I know I probably am BU but I'm in a bit of a grump about this so wanted to have a rant.

I'm not teetotal but I have periods of time (weeks or months) when I don't drink alcohol for all kinds of reasons.

It annoys me that during these periods there's always a moment of silence in the pub or at a meal where there's a clear expectation that I explain why I'm not drinking.

For example, yesterday I went to the pub with some colleagues and I ordered a Coke. One colleague said "Oh, are you driving?" to which I said I wasn't. Another colleague said "Oh you're not drinking" and I said "No, I'm not". After both of these moments there was a really awkward pause where it was clear these colleagues were expecting me to explain why I wasn't drinking. I didn't explain, mostly because there is no particular reason or explanation and, secondly, it's no-one's bloody business Grin

It really annoys me. Alcohol is a drug and is addictive yet is so normalised in everyday life that there's an onus on people who don't drink to explain why not. It's really bizarre and I can't think of another instance where people have to explain why they don't do something harmful in everyday, normal life.

I don't know what my AIBU is - I just wanted to rant !

I guess, AIBU to just let the silence hang and not offer any explanation as to why I'm not drinking? Grin

OP posts:
Plastictree · 22/03/2019 11:31

YNBU - it drives me mad to the point I avoid going out. I don't know the answer.

Footle · 22/03/2019 11:33

"Why are you drinking?"

Original poster
DirtyDennis · 22/03/2019 11:35

I like that @Footle but I'd be worried about coming off as holier-than-thou. Plus it'd kind of backfire the next month when I'm back to drinking and the same person sees me clutching a pint

OP posts:
BlueAndYellowPurplePills · 22/03/2019 11:35

Because I don’t want to thanks and I’m too old to fall for peer pressure.
Might come across as rude but something like that?

Reddragonqueen · 22/03/2019 11:39

Yanbu

I rarely drink, I rarely go out but if I do people expect me to drink loads. Now one cocktail or prosecco is enough and even then I get a bad head the next day

I used to drink lots and go out all the time but now I'm 29 with two kids and don't want to

People look at me like I'm mad. "Come on you'll be fine!" No my IBS will be horrible and I'll feel like death and don't want my Sundays wasted like that. I want to do tings with my kids

Plus I actually don't like consuming loads of liquid. One alcoholic drink and a few soda waters or cranberry juices leaves me full

Original poster
DirtyDennis · 22/03/2019 11:39

Things is @BlueAndYellowPurplePills No-one ever really asks outright "why aren't you drinking". People just kind of state it as a fact like "Oh you're not drinking" and just expect a response/explanation.

But, yes, I love your suggestion. And your username, D12 were ace Grin

OP posts:
thecatsthecats · 22/03/2019 11:39

Funnily enough I HAVE been asked why I don't smoke by a group of women who all do, which took me aback a little!

It's very much not the norm where I grew up.

It was a bit of a culture shock when I went out with a random group once and was asked not 'what do you do?' but 'do you work?'

stevie69 · 22/03/2019 11:42

Oh, you have to explain everything: why you're not drinking; why you don't want to eat cake; why you don't want to be in a monogamous relationship; why your hair's so short; why you don't want to a move to a safer area of the city. I could go on.

People just don't grasp that we're all different and that what's right for you ain't for them.

And yeah, it does get wearing at times. But I'm hanging on in there with no booze, no cake, no husband, my shaved head and my dodgy residence. I love it Smile

BlueAndYellowPurplePills · 22/03/2019 11:45

Thanks 😁

Thinking about it I think I say ‘don’t fancy it tonight, thanks’ and stare back...
it’s a shame people can’t take no thank you for an answer really. It’s their problem not yours tho.

Original poster
DirtyDennis · 22/03/2019 11:45

Good for you @Stevie69

FWIW I fucking love a woman with a shaved head. I shaved my head when I was at school and I loved it. I got a lot of questions as well but then slowly there was this trickle of other girls getting their hair cut really short (though no-one else was brave enough to go for a #4 Grin )

OP posts:
PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 22/03/2019 11:45

It passes after a while. I dont drink, I'd say it took about 6 months for people to back off

Footle · 22/03/2019 11:46

DirtyDennis, yes , holier-than-whoever is not a look I favour. And I do sometimes have a drink. "I don't feel like it today" is about as far as I'd go.

Original poster
DirtyDennis · 22/03/2019 11:50

As a woman in my early-30s I'm also very aware that a key assumption when I'm not drinking is that I'm pregnant Grin

OP posts:
MustStopSnacking28 · 22/03/2019 11:50

YANBU, I hate this! I am 28 and have 10 month old DS and I just don’t really wanna drink anymore, I didn’t miss it whilst pregnant and have never been a huge drinker anyway. I have been asked a few times if I am pregnant again as I have turned down a drink Confused nope just got a post baby tum 😂

Dimebag10M · 22/03/2019 11:53

I have been teetotal since I was 19 as I have huge amounts of hereditary health issues - that was 15 years ago. People think I must be lying that I've been teetotal all my adult life, and I don't want to have to tell people my health problems!

stevie69 · 22/03/2019 11:54

@DirtyDennis

Thank you Blush. I do mine on #0; you can cut your hands on it when it's freshly done. It really does suit but ..... there's only me who thinks so Blush Still, I'll be right and the rest of the world will be wrong Grin

stevie69 · 22/03/2019 11:56

As a woman in my early-30s I'm also very aware that a key assumption when I'm not drinking is that I'm pregnant grin

I was 52 a couple of days ago. If it's any consolation, people have stopped wondering that. Although, I'm sure it's still possible. Makes mental note to check Mirena is still in place Grin

Original poster
DirtyDennis · 22/03/2019 12:00

@Stevie69 Oh it sounds brilliant Grin

OP posts:
TapasForTwo · 22/03/2019 12:07

It sounds like you need new friends. I'm quite happy to go out and not drink, but my friends never question why.

Original poster
DirtyDennis · 22/03/2019 12:09

@TapasForTwo I have to say it is mainly colleagues. Most of my friends know I do random dry periods.

OP posts:
TapasForTwo · 22/03/2019 12:12

Ah, not much you can do bout them then. I would be quite happy just to say "I don't feel like drinking just now" without having to give a detailed explanation.

M3lon · 22/03/2019 12:12

I'm a chicken with this...I always just say 'not today' in response to 'oh aren't you drinking?'.

Felt randomly like having a half pint the other day then remembered right as I was ordering that I'd just started a course of antibiotics...

I'm not teetotal as such or for any reason, I just can't be arsed with it most of the time.

TapasForTwo · 22/03/2019 12:13

You can drink with most antibiotics.

ijustdontunderstandher · 22/03/2019 12:15

I’m teetotal, and the amount of people who judge is unbelievable. I’ve had people literally buy be drinks even though I’ve told them I don’t drink and practically begged them not too, and then when I don’t drink it they call me ungrateful

SuziQ10 · 22/03/2019 12:17

I hate this too.
Sometimes I get a lemonade and ask for a slice of lime in it so people assume it's something else.

I occasionally do drink but I want it to be on my terms, not just because other people are and want he company of someone else drinking. If don't fancy it, why spend money on it and probably end up feeling rubbish.