Having to explain why you don't drink alcohol

[DirtyDennis]

So I know I probably am BU but I'm in a bit of a grump about this so wanted to have a rant.

I'm not teetotal but I have periods of time (weeks or months) when I don't drink alcohol for all kinds of reasons.

It annoys me that during these periods there's always a moment of silence in the pub or at a meal where there's a clear expectation that I explain why I'm not drinking.

For example, yesterday I went to the pub with some colleagues and I ordered a Coke. One colleague said "Oh, are you driving?" to which I said I wasn't. Another colleague said "Oh you're not drinking" and I said "No, I'm not". After both of these moments there was a really awkward pause where it was clear these colleagues were expecting me to explain why I wasn't drinking. I didn't explain, mostly because there is no particular reason or explanation and, secondly, it's no-one's bloody business

It really annoys me. Alcohol is a drug and is addictive yet is so normalised in everyday life that there's an onus on people who don't drink to explain why not. It's really bizarre and I can't think of another instance where people have to explain why they don't do something harmful in everyday, normal life.

I don't know what my AIBU is - I just wanted to rant !

I guess, AIBU to just let the silence hang and not offer any explanation as to why I'm not drinking?

@InDubiousBattle I do appreciate that but when I said "No I'm not [driving]" there was this heavy pause like I was expected to then elaborate on why I wasn't drinking (i.e. once it'd be established that it wasn't driving-related)

Plus, in a library if the topic of alcohol did come up and I said "I'm not drinking", I think people would still expect an explanation

Incidentally the colleague who asked if I was driving doesn't actually know that I do drink.

Another colleague said "Oh you're not drinking" and I said "No, I'm not". After both of these moments there was a really awkward pause

Is it not really obvious to you that you are causing the awkward pause not them? And why would you do that to people who are supposed to be friends or you are at least friendly with?

You are in a public house where generally people drink so they are just wondering why not, but the awkward silence is there because they know the answer might be something private (pregnancy, medication etc), and don't want to ask another intrusive question after your abrupt "No I'm not".

Contrarily to MN advice "No" (or No im not) is now a complete sentence. It is actually quite rude when talking to people you, I assume like to socialise with. Why not just say "No not tonight, I'm having a break from the booze for a few weeks". Its just general conversation.

FWIW I think this is changing, but very slowly. There are a bunch of clubs and groups in London based around not drinking. Soberistas etc. It'll spread like veganism in a few years

even openly discuss / suggest how I must be a recovering alcoholic

I think at times it would have be easier to say that I was a recovering alcoholic I have explained my reasons to people in the past but now if anyone asks I just tell them I choose not to. No further explanation is needed or given. You can then move the conversation on to something else and leave them wondering.

@BrokenWing

Is it not really obvious to you that you are causing the awkward pause not them? And why would you do that to people who are supposed to be friends or you are at least friendly with?

I'm completely aware that the awkwardness comes because they expect me to elaborate on my answer of "No, I'm not" and I don't. In some sense, yes, I cause that because I refuse to follow the expectation/convention to explain myself. In another sense, they cause that by wanting/expecting an explanation.

Contrarily to MN advice "No" (or No im not) is now a complete sentence. It is actually quite rude when talking to people you, I assume like to socialise with. Why not just say "No not tonight, I'm having a break from the booze for a few weeks". Its just general conversation
It's rude to expect someone to explain themselves for not drinking. I don't think "general conversation" should have to revolve around what could be incredible personal reasons for not doing something. That's not "general conversation", that's just nosey

You are in a public house where generally people drink

You are aware that there is quite a range of non alcoholic drinks served in bars? Once it has been established that you are not drinking then that should be it. It's more rude to pass comment on the fact that a person is not drinking than for a non drinker to be evasive with their reply.

I quite often fancy a hot drink when in a pub, not alcohol.

I hate it when they won’t accept you not drinking
Them -what do you want
Me - Diet Coke please
Them - oh you don’t want that I’ll get you a Prosecco
Me - no thanks. Diet coke is fine
Then hand me a glass of Prosecco

Why can’t people just get whatever you asked for
I don’t get it

Ha! Yes, in a restaurant the other week I had a conversation like this:
Me: I'll have a Coke
Person I was dining with: Oh are you sure? They do a lovely [insert wine name]
Me: No, I'm fine with a Coke, thanks
Person: Oh no, you should have a
Me: Thanks, honestly, Coke is fine
Person [to waiting staff]: Can we have a Coke and two glasses of .
Person [to me]: Just in case you change your mind

Fuck off

"Why can’t people just get whatever you asked for
I don’t get it"

Neither do I. But nor do I hang around with stupid dickheads like this. If someone did that to me I would just go to the bar and order myself a coke (not diet coke though because it is vile )

Yanbu! This also annoys me. I'm not teetotal but like yourself I have periods where I won't drink at all for months and then when I do go out (which is rare these days) Im looked at like I've got five heads when I say I'm not drinking. Even when I do decide to have a drink it won't be very much just because I don't drink a lot. I relate to this.

@TapasForTwo

Normal Diet Coke is vile but draught Diet Coke is the actual nectar of the Gods. I fucking love it

Why can’t people just get whatever you asked for

People do. They might get me a close alternative eg Merlot instead of Shiraz, or 7up instead of Sprite. I've certainly had nobody get me beer instead of cola!

I haven't had to explain why I am not drinking alcohol, but I have had an argument with my most recent boss over the Christmas party when I said I wasn't going out boozing as I would get a hangover and had to work the next day (the idea was cocktails and pub, no food) and insisted on having a meal. I don't work there anymore and that is one of the reasons.

So I do drink but because I get horrible hangovers very easily, I am very careful about how much, especially with red wine.

You don't have to drink alcohol and you don't have to explain why you don't but I find it a little strange that you talk about alcohol as being poison and addictive whilst you seemingly drink coke on a regular basis. What do you think that is made of - because last time I looked it wasn't natural organic ingredients and the sugar contained therein is highly addictive!

I'm virtually tee total...maybe one glass of wine every few months.

Because...in my opinion...

It's a waste of money
It's a waste of calories
I'm vain and I don't think it ever helps improve your looks
I dislike feeling out of control
It makes my limbs feel heavy
I like driving home after a night out
It makes my anxiety worse

Yanbu...people definitely regard non drinkers with suspicion.

I would turn it on them (particularly at a meal). 'You really drink alcohol with a meal?'

I’m totally teetotal. People have got bored of asking me why now. I think they all assumed I was pregnant again but now can see is clearly not the case. I gave it up because I hate how it takes over peoples lives and lives revolve around finding a pub. I was becoming one of those people and as someone with bipolar disorder it never ever ever ended well. I decided to jack it in and that was it never touched it since! I’m not supposed to drink on my meds anyway so I just use that if people push and push, which they will try to do. ‘Because I go full psycho’ is something they also want you to elaborate on

@Bigbluebus
Totally appreciate that Coke isn't particularly healthy. It is, however, nowhere near as problematic as alcohol in terms of short- and long-term health consequences.

But that's not my point. My point is that there's an expectation to explain/account for not drinking.

As I've said, I do drink. I don't have an issue with drinking. I have an issue with the expectation of an explanation for why you're not drinking.

@TheDarkPassenger Congratulations on successfully giving up Sounds like you made a really positive decision, well done.

You need new friends! If I'm not drinking friends who are used to me ordering alcohol might ask if I'm ok assuming I'm on medication, but passing acquaintances such as work friends wouldn't mention it as I'm always driving!

Sorry Dennis tell that to the guy who was in the news the other day who weighs 40 stone and was totally addicted to Coke!

A simple 'No I never drink' should suffice and need not be challenged. If you want to add your reasons then that should be your choice.

I never drink and I get sick of this. I don't judge those that do or preach about not drinking, I simply don't like the taste

Given that I'm no longer a teenager following the crowd, I won't force myself to drink it just to fit in.

It annoys my MIL as she's a big drinker and she recently said non drinkers are "fucking dull". Fantastic message to give children. Her use of the f bomb was acceptable apparently because she'd had too much wine I give up!

DD gets this a lot, mainly cos she is a teenager though. Her medication means she has to be very careful about alcohol but when she is well and off the medication she can have a small amount if she wants to.

Her good friends take booze off her cos she shouldn't drink and casual friends try and force booze on her cos it's so boring not to drink. She can't win!