Being taken for granted

[WetWetWithTears]

I have just had a moan at DH and the DC. After getting home with DD I went to the kitchen to start the usual jobs..... Everyone else disappeared upstairs to do their own thing. DC are 9 and 12. Both me and DH have been off today.
I cooked dinner, made lunches, put washing on.... still no sign of anyone. I called them down to dinner and said, calmly that I was a bit put out that they'd all cleared off and left me to it. I wasn't stomping around passive aggressively, just said how I felt.
DD said sorry. DH and DS tried to make excuses, and DH said I should have come and asked if I needed help. I didn't need help. I was just pissed off that they all assumed I would just get on with it all, clear up their mess, put dinner in front of them etc
AIBU to think they were all (especially DH) being inconsiderate?

I hate the "you should have asked for help"

WHY DO I NEED TO ASK?!

Yanbu

They all assumed because you've probably been doing this for years and that's how it is now.

Don't do these things, don't clean their mess and get them to help you with dinner or the cleaning after

YANBU to expect them to clear after themselves.

YABU to expect them to read your mind.

Sometimes expectations need to be clearly spelled out with added reasonable timeframe.

Me to DH “ could you please empty the dishwasher”- he will do it next day before work if he has time.

Me to DH “could you please empty the dishwasher after the dinner” gets it dome when I want/need it.

You shouldn't have to ask, but clearly the current dynamic means that you do. You should have gone and and got them all instead of doing everything yourself, and you need to discuss your longer term expectations, as they are currently either unclear what these are, or wilfully avoiding the work.

I can see this happening at my house as the kids get older. My eldest is currently keen to be helpful and rarely says no so I am trying to encourage chores to set a precedence.

Maybe do a rota or similar so everyone knows what they need to do?

Agree you shouldn't have to ask though.

I think this depends on what values you and DH have instilled in the family. I don't believe in one off pissed off events. Everyone reaps what they sow. You maybe doing that already and I make no assumptions. Your DH behaviour would suggest otherwise though.

I'm chipping away at DD every day, through talk and incentives that eventually (she's 8) it becomes 2nd nature to her to ask if I need any help with anything.

You sound a bit like a martyr and their behaviour doesn't sound new so why have you been putting up with iy?

*it

Thanks all, I am working on getting everybody to pitch in - with varying degrees of success. I think I was most annoyed at DH, he's off work at the moment yet still barely lifts a finger. I can see how I have enabled this as I work part time so usually, when he's at work, I do pretty much everything. Still, last night was worse than usual and I still feel miffed. My rant must have had some effect though, as things were better tonight.