To be fuming about this comment

[takeasadsongandmakeitbetter]

DH has a few days off work. I am on maternity leave with 10 months old DS. Today we went to a playgroup. There were other babies there of a similar age. Many of them competently crawling. DS has tummy crawled for a while and very recently starting crawling on his knees, not so much today as it's slower than commando style. He is very bright generally and climbs, stands, claps, blows raspberries, waves and says some words.

After the group DH asked if I was worried about how 'behind' DS is. I explained that I didn't think he was behind at all. He then asked if the other babies (who can crawl well) were breastfed. I said yes 2 of them were EBF to 6 months. By this point I was on edge as I could see where he was going with it. He then said maybe DS was slower as not breastfed. And then said that breastfed babies are obviously more advanced.

For medical reasons we had to combination feed. I managed to BF to 12 weeks, i was extremely upset about the whole situation as DH knows.

AIBU to want to punch him?? Don't want to go into details of our relationship and how good or terrible he has been generally. Just want some perspective on this comment as I know I am sensitive about the topic!

Child one: bottle fed from 14 days. Crawling at 9 months, running around at 11 months (kid went 1 step, 3 steps, 8 steps, RUN!!!! He's 7 and hasn't stopped since)

Child two: Breastfed for 25 months. Commando crawled slowly from 4 months (desperate to get to big brothers discarded toys). But didn't crawl properly until about a year and walked at 14 months. Also, hated being sat up so couldn't sit unaided until about 9 months as he'd just flop straight onto his tummy. 5 now. Still lays on his tummy to play on the floor.

Tell your DH to STFU.

The comment above mine wins the thread.

Also, you could 'accidentally' step on his balls whilst climbing over him on the sofa to 'reach' something....

Punch him in the nadgers!! And then buy yourself some cake and wine as a reward for being a totally amazing Mum.

Also consider my completely bottle fed child who did what we referred to as "injuried soldier" crawl and got into MENSA aged 7.

Oh well then. I’ve not read the thread (sorry) and I just know you have a million similar messages, but I EBF my baby til six months, then BF and weaning til he was a year, and he didn’t walk until he was 2. He’s also a massive doofus. No link. None.

Oh Christ both my babies were/are breastfed and have progressed differently

I have 3. EBF 2 who were perfectly average. Mixed fed the youngest...also perfectly average.

Send him round to me,,,I'll punch him for you

I breastfed DD for almost two years, she never crawled! Your husband sounds like a monumental dickhead, how dare he try to make you feel guilty over something so inconsequential that he clearly knows nothing about.

I breastfed my DS up to 11 months. Out of our mothers group he was the last to roll over, last to crawl, last to walk (almost 15 months) but there is nothing wrong with him at all. I think he just prefers to work on his mental development rather than physical stuff (or he's lazy lol). Every child is different and for every one that is super advanced and walking at 9 months old there will be another who is still figuring it out at 18 months - BF or bottle really doesn't come into it

Tell DH that maybe he isn't playing enough with his son, that you feel he should take over crawling duties with DS.

I would not be upset about this comment as long as it wasn't about lashing out for another reason. I see it more about an interest in the raising of the child. This should be commended in a parent not destroyed. Should he have to stay quiet when he has questions? Is this not his child as much as it is yours? Think about how you would like to be treated as a parent and provide this possibility to your partner.

Both of my kids, three years apart, were breastfed exclusively while I was home on maternity leave for three months, and then a combination of BF and formula once I went back to work. I BF DS1 for one year and DS2 for ten and a half months. I can’t remember the situation with my second but my firstborn belly crawled until 12 months. Then he crawled on his hands and knees for less than two weeks, then stopped that and started walking.

Children are all different. Your DH is being ridiculous. And rude, as he's "blaming" you for something that's not a problem.

YANBU. The correct response is 'No dear, I always suspected he might be a bit slow as he takes so much after his Daddy'.

Then punch him.

Nobodies business except yours.

Children's bodies know when they can do something ( everyone's development is different) and so they crawl when they are ready.

if you look at the development scales for children you will find many interpretations.

best wishes for the future for you and your family.

This would upset me too loads. I struggled to bf and it was pretty awful and I mix fed all three of my kids in the end. I am v touchy about this - justifiably - as I feel I failed etc even though there were many good reasons for it not to have worked. Had dh made a comment like yours I would have been furious and it would have led to a lot of tears and an argument, so yang. Sorry op - my oldest is 8 and it would still upset me. It is ok to be upset. xx

This comment probably stems from one sided pressured advice about breastfeeding. At parent class ALL we got was how healthier and how quicker breastfeed babies are

My baby is bf and was a late crawler! Also didn't walk until about 16 months!

When did you realise DH was stupid? My brother was formula fed and was one of the youngest children ever to walk, at just over 6 months. All three DC were EBF and walked at 12, 9 and 7 months. It means absolutely nothing.

My ds used to commando crawl and he was exclusively breastfed. Your DH is an idiot and so insensitive for commenting like that!

My breastfed 1yo DS is an adorable lump and only just bothering to crawl. He’s comfortably 4 months behind where his combi/express fed DSis was at pretty much every stage. He’s happy and DH and I are supremely unconcerned. Take your DH hasn’t had much baby contact?

Give him a massive slap. My exclusively breastfed eldest daughter didn't even roll over until 10 months. She was totally happy just smiling away at the ceiling. She's now 11 and perfectly bright and 'normal'. And no longer breastfed. Promise.

Just chiming in that your DH is a complete dick. My two were both BF (EBF to six months then BF for an embarrassingly long time after because I was too fucking lazy to figure out how to wean them). My first was verging on behind on all milestones, and his commando crawl was more like an inchworm. He's now an above average in all respects 6.5 year old. My second did things in a normal time, and is now a terrifyingly bright 3 year old. Breastfeeding had nothing to do with it--they are who they are, and how fast they do things as babies has f-all to do with how they are as kids.

no your dh is a bit slow not your son

Tell him he is speaking bullshit! My bf ds was bf until two years and commando crawled until just after learning to walk when he crawled on his knees - he was fourteen months when he started walking. My dd had to be ff as failed to thrive on my bm, it honestly was incredibly traumatic for me (she had then undiagnosed coeliac so was genuinely I’ll due to my milk) although despite this she was crawling on her knees at six months and learned to walk at 9 1/2 months! Both children are very intelligent. I believe the difference between them is that my ds had no older sibling to copy or want to chase after - dd obsessed with her hero big brother copied him so learned quicker.

I haven’t read the whole thread yet, but I’m concerned that your dh seems to deliberately being cruel to you over a topic that he knows hurts you deeply! It is my guess that he is emotionally abusive in other ways too but I had to reply quickly as I felt so angry on your behalf!

I’m sorry your DH was such a horrible twat. How often is he like that? I’m getting the feeling it’s far too often. It’s not about BF v FF it’s about him knowing how you already feel about it.

I've settled for suggesting he spend a bit more time parenting and less time pissing me off and have earned myself a rare afternoon to myself whilst he takes DS somewhere and no doubt tries to teach him to crawl better

Well done.

Now find a different playgroup for each morning & afternoon he’s off and tell him to take DS so he can more fully compare babies...while you nap & whatever else you fancy.