Nightmare neighbours! Intrusive, aren't they?

[leaveyou]

This is the second time now I've been questioned "Is everything okay?" with a concerned face to boot!

And I've only moved in recently.

It's about DS, he has absolutely turned a switch. He became 15 months old and suddenly my sweet, innocent boy went. He is now a very loud screechy thing. Lots and lots of tantrums. It sounds like I'm murdering him at times. The reality is I'm trying to put his clothes on, or more annoyingly for him, his nappy.

From birth, he has always been one of those babies who's cry sounds heartbreaking and severe. All cries sound very dramatic, like he's seriously hurt. Family always find it quite funny. You can never tell if he's actually hurt himself because all cries are equally dramatic as the next 

I love being his mum but these toddler times are testing me, and I'm sure the worst is yet to doom upon me.

However, it's really difficult when I now know very well that next door thing I'm bloody abusing him or just not coping.

I was first asked by next door and his partner "Is everything okay?" A little whilst ago. And now, I've just been asked again. He knocked on my door to ask!

I answered and he said something like "Is everything alright? I've heard a lot of crying".

I explained DS had to get out of the bath and wasn't impressed. Therefore, he puts on a show of absolute hysterics.

The response I got was "Okay, please let me know if there's anything I can do, or anything you need". And off he went.

AIBU to say it's a bit intrusive? It's really stressing me out. DS must have two personalities because he's quiet, smiley, kind and a shared in public and with friends/family.

It could be that they do remember what it is like, and wish someone had come to offer help to them when theirs were going through the tantrum stage.

‘Actually, no I’m not ok. Can you mind him? I want to pop round to yours, it’s quieter’

Sounds very sweet of them. At least they are not beating down your door demanding that you keep your child quiet!

All this about sound intrusion, do they not have enough sound going on with 3 kids of their own?

I was in your neighbors shoes, when I knocked the door I was fully prepared to help, it sounded like the toddler was hurt, the baby was awake, my offer was to hold/look after the baby whilst toddler was patched up etc. My own DD was in nursery and the crying coming from the toddler was awful.

It sounds like the concern is coming from a good place rather than an intrusion. As your toddlers grows you can help him with his emotional responses, for now I would befriend your neighbours

They've just knocked AGAIN! I was putting a clean nappy on and he screamed for a few minutes, all whilst I was struggling to put the nappy on. Yeah, just normal DS behaviour at the moment.

Then they knocked. This time the both of them, husband and wife. They said "Are you sure everything is alright? Is he settled and sleeping or is something wrong?"

I'm very smiley and just said yes thanks, all is well. Just typical DS.

I tried laughing it off, they said "We are here to keep an ear out if anything else happens". And off they went.

I started a new thread in haste just updating this one

YABU. I think it's good that people are looking out for kids who might be in trouble and mums who are having a hard time.

Just say thank you, you appreciate their concern, but your son has always had a flair for drama and it sounds worse than it is. You're sure he'll grow out of it soon etc.

You sound stressed (toddlers are hard work!!!) so be kind to yourself as well.

Truly I wish more neighbours did this, I know it’s frustrating for you OP but where the f were Baby B’s neighbours, Victoria Climbie’s neighbours, the list is endless. Often when neighbours are interviewed after a tragedy they say ‘oh, we heard shouting’ and I just want to shake them for not acting

Nightmare neighbour is rather extreme
Have my new neighbours. kids running along balcony, banging the bars and screaming at each other. And the first thing the woman ever said to me was asking where she can get some knock off fags

I'm very smiley and just said yes thanks, all is well. Just typical DS.

WTF - again??? However, I think the above is where you're going wrong. If I were you, I would call their bluff and say outright that I'm really, really sorry about all the noise. I do realise it's disturbing you and I will look into soundproofing. Don't smile or try to laugh it off because they will take this to mean you don't understand what they are trying to say, which is 'please try to keep the noise down'. And I wouldn't be smiling at someone who had knocked on my door three times to essentially tell me to keep my child quiet. I'd be really fucking stressed about it.

If they want to say to the OP that there's too much noise and can she do something about soundproofing, they need to say that using words instead of hinting and fannying around.

OP, I'd be irritated too – stressful enough for you to be dealing with the screams without then having to answer the door to them repeatedly. But I do think instead of smiling and placating, next time you need to bring the conversation out into the open: what help are they offering, exactly? Are they actually really there to tell you to keep the noise down? Explain DS is having a screamy phase and their interruptions aren't helping you to cope with it. Etc.

If they want to say to the OP that there's too much noise and can she do something about soundproofing, they need to say that using words instead of hinting and fannying around.

But they won't, because we're in Britain and that's not how we do things here. So if OP responds as though this is what they said, she will have addressed their actual complaint and maybe they'll back off.

From their point of view OP, you haven't got the message so of course they are knocking again.

if i were you i would start recording a few of these screaming tantrums each day so one day if they decide you are beating him senseless you have weeks of banked up evidence saved to show he does this every nappy change every bath, every "no" every time you cut his toast wrong etc etc.... just in case

They’re probably sick of the screaming. I did this to my bright. Knocked on her door and asked if everything was okay. Why? Because they had an autistic daughter who used to throw the most massive tantrums amd their solution was to shut her outside. It was so loud and so regular I got bloody sick of it! Hours and hours she’d carry on scream, swearing etc. really great when you’ve got a baby in their nursery 3m away. Not!!!

Anyone is within their rights to address any of their concerns about anything to the authorities.

The authorities might not be remotely interested, but, the right to contact them remains the same.

Just sayin'

(That's THREE times they've knocked on the door and been fobbed off. Sounds like evidence gathering/case building to me.)

What if none of this was true because drip feeding is going on in true troll style ?