Nightmare neighbours! Intrusive, aren't they?

[leaveyou]

This is the second time now I've been questioned "Is everything okay?" with a concerned face to boot!

And I've only moved in recently.

It's about DS, he has absolutely turned a switch. He became 15 months old and suddenly my sweet, innocent boy went. He is now a very loud screechy thing. Lots and lots of tantrums. It sounds like I'm murdering him at times. The reality is I'm trying to put his clothes on, or more annoyingly for him, his nappy.

From birth, he has always been one of those babies who's cry sounds heartbreaking and severe. All cries sound very dramatic, like he's seriously hurt. Family always find it quite funny. You can never tell if he's actually hurt himself because all cries are equally dramatic as the next 

I love being his mum but these toddler times are testing me, and I'm sure the worst is yet to doom upon me.

However, it's really difficult when I now know very well that next door thing I'm bloody abusing him or just not coping.

I was first asked by next door and his partner "Is everything okay?" A little whilst ago. And now, I've just been asked again. He knocked on my door to ask!

I answered and he said something like "Is everything alright? I've heard a lot of crying".

I explained DS had to get out of the bath and wasn't impressed. Therefore, he puts on a show of absolute hysterics.

The response I got was "Okay, please let me know if there's anything I can do, or anything you need". And off he went.

AIBU to say it's a bit intrusive? It's really stressing me out. DS must have two personalities because he's quiet, smiley, kind and a shared in public and with friends/family.

I would offer to help, and mean it, even if it was just them being able to pop around for a cuppa and a change of scenery. I've done something similar as a volunteer role though. I would be coming from a place of sympathy and concern for mum and child, not from the noise.

leaveyou

This was way back in the 60s when you knew your local bobby (and we lived opposite the police station) so they just had a little chat and a laugh about it and my Mum popped round to the - otherwise lovely - neighbour and explained what had been going on. All good.

I would accept their enquiry in the spirit it was probably meant, although I don't actually see what they could do to help!

You've said yourself that your child's screams are so bad that it sounds like you're murdering him at times,so as annoying as it must be you can't blame your neighbours for being concerned,especially as they don't know you very well. They actually sound lovely.I'd invite them round for a cuppa so they can get to know you and see how dramatic your little one can be for themselves.

They actually sound lovely.I'd invite them round for a cuppa so they can get to know you and see how dramatic your little one can be for themselves.

Yeah, Sod's law he wouldn't make a peep. He never does in front of people he doesn't see every day.

I understand it must be annoying but at the same time a lot of children do get abused and i would rather know the person was checking on things rather than just ignoring it even though it can be hard to see the signs, i knew someone when i was young who went through it and no body bothered to check, she said the neighbors MUST have heard SOMETHING but nobody even tried to check until it was nearly too late so in that case YABU.

My son screams bloody murder at bath time, nappy time and sometimes just generally being bored and i think the neighbors must think i'm seriously hurting him but thankfully they have a son the same age and he is the same but i wouldn't hate them for checking in,, it would just be a bit frustrating.

Another vote for a noise complaint. I would charitably suggest that if they have had young children themselves they have forgotten how noisy they can be. Ds has just turned two, and even dh had forgotten just how much un avoidable screaming there is, I had to have a strong word with dh after he accused me of being a bad mother because ds was lying on the floor crying and I was doing something other than attempting to console him (I refused to spoon yoghurt into his hands).
Ignore them OP.

HerOut Tell me about it. DH swans in from work sometimes to find him crying his eyes out. He rushes to him, asks why I haven't smothered him in kisses etc etc and consoled him.

When the culprit of his crying is something like no banana left or that I wouldn't let him gain access to my downstairs cleaning stuff

Why is a bad thing? I can't imagine many abusive parents say "Yeah sure I was battering the little toad". Children die every year because people turn a blind eye.

My neighbours decided to do controlled crying last summer when it was warm and everyone had their windows open and/or were enjoying sitting in their gardens. It’s not nice to hear a baby constantly crying let alone screaming blue murder! At least they’re being kind!

They're complaining about the noise. Sounds like there's not much you can do though

I did this and it was a veiled complaint about the noise but it was somewhat different - a family get together in the front garden next door including screeching playing toddlers at 11pm at night midweek.

I wandered out and said "is everything ok" with a Paddington Bear stare and they did shut up and go indoors.

Hopefully once they've seen you and your child a bit more, got to know each other etc, they'll know things are under control.

I totally understand how you feel, it would make me feel the same way but I suspect that they really are just trying to be helpful, take it that way and it will make you feel better about it.

I would rather 10 neighbours knock on my door when my kids are having a meltdown and find nothing out of the ordinary than have neighbours that just turn a blind eye and shut the door like all of ours when I was growing up.

My neighbour has a screecher for son No 2 - but Son No 1 does give him no quarter what so ever. I put up with it as thankfully its not overwhelming as have large garden and she is not attached to us. However, she has chatted about it and saying no sure what to do etc, I just said best thing is to keep reinforcing no hitting, pushing snatching from Older Son and getting him to say in words what the issue is - he does speak v well but prefers to hear the sound of his own screeches!

I also mentioned not to react too much to screeches if possible otherwise it could turn in too tit for tat with him screeching to get back at older brother when not hurt or no issues!

Its about being wise to the wyles of kids

They are letting you know they are unhappy with the noise.

I have an 18mo DS who has just started with the tantrums and this is my nightmare I’m scared is gonna happen with the neighbours 🤣 I wouldn’t let him eat the cats dreamies this morning and it ensued a good 15 minute breakdown of sobbing and flailing about like an utter diva.
Hopefully now your neighbours know he is just being a drama llama they will leave you be!

My neighbours once did this too and to be fair my son was carrying on so much you'd think we were murdering him and he was a young teen at the time. It was annoying but I understood why they did it. We were bloody struggling at the time.

They might not be asking how things are, they might be trying to say can you shut him up please, he is very loud.

I think they are just trying to help, rather than be deliberately intrusive.

Also 'please let me know if there is anything I can do' is hardly Nightmare Neighbour territory

You have nice neighbours. They are (a) tactful and (b) watchful. Be appreciative, they have more to put up with than you do.

So your neighbours have asked on all of two occasions if everything's OK and have offered help if you need it, and that makes them nightmare neighbours and intrusive?

Looking at what is regularly revealed on this board about what real nightmare neighbours can do to make life hell, I'd say you're being massively unfair.

Yeah, Sod's law he wouldn't make a peep. He never does in front of people he doesn't see every day.

Drop DS round to their house every day for a couple of hours then. They did offer to help