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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I go back to work?

90 replies

GeorgiaDeBelle · 20/03/2019 15:29

I'm kind of stuck with what to do- and need some advice. my DD is turning 1 soon and I'm due to return to work after maternity leave. I always loved my job and I have good friends there.

The only issue is, me and DH have looked into nurseries/childcare, and it seems for me to go back to work full time- it would almost be pointless, as the cost for nursery is pretty much the same as my wage. We both live in a city around 2 hours from our parents so friends/family childcare is not an option. I work in a recruitment at a university and really enjoy it. I also love DD and I know it would be a shame to be away from her nearly all of the day.

I'd even consider going back part time, but a part time wage would have the same issue and I'm not sure work would even offer this.. We can't really cover the household bills with DH wage alone so i'd have to go on some sort of benefits. I'm kind of stuck with what to do, I'd love to career progress but financially we'd definitely be worse off and even with career progression, I dont believe my wages would go up for a couple of years.

I've considered staying at home with DD until she's 3, and we can apply for childcare funding, but know by then we'd be looking at baby number 2!

What kind of benefits do you get as a SAHM? My mum worked and all my friends do, so this is the first time I've ever/would be on benefits?

Has anyone else given up work until their child starts school?

DH is on around 28,000 a year before tax and I was on 22,000. We live in the South East. Our rent is £800.00 for a two bed flat and we can't really cut these costs down as it's already cheap for our area and DH has a reasonably good job with a good progression for the future.

OP posts:

PandaBlue · 21/03/2019 09:37

I really like PP suggestion of both of you dropping to 4 days. That's 8 days earning for 3 days childcare, and you both get one day a week of quality one on one time with DC.

I don't have a partner but if I did I would be pushing for that!

Constantlurker · 21/03/2019 09:38

@countessvonboobs WHAT?! Are you serious? So my husband can also have a TFC account too and get 20% top up? I thought it was per child! I think I love you...

VelvetPineapple · 21/03/2019 09:40

In my opinion childcare should come out of the family poto not be compared to one persons salary
I never understand why people say this. If childcare costs £15k and one person is earning £12k after tax, then it makes not one iota of difference whether you compare it to that one person’s salary or to the family pot as a whole. You’re still paying out more than you’re putting in.

CountessVonBoobs · 21/03/2019 09:41

Yep. DH and I both claim vouchers (the older voucher scheme works best for us). It was a bit of a pain for my nanny because she had to register with two different voucher companies but we sorted it.

VelvetPineapple · 21/03/2019 09:47

I thought it was per child!
It is per child and is capped at £2000. Both parents can claim if they’re separated or divorced.

CostanzaG · 21/03/2019 09:48

I work for a university and worked in recruitment when I returned from mat leave. I've found that universities tend to be incredibly flexible and family friendly.

It very much depends whether you want your career development to take a bit of a hit. Yes childcare is expensive but it is short term and actually flexibility is more important when they start school. I worked full time when I returned and have managed to progress into a role that offers me a huge amount of flexibility which I need more now that when he was tiny.

CountessVonBoobs · 21/03/2019 10:09

TFC must be different from vouchers then - I only know about the voucher scheme - vouchers were offered to both me and DH as a benefit and we both took them up. I get a larger amount in vouchers although my salary is lower because of caps but paperwork is all filled out correctly for both of us and we both earn them. So apologies for giving misleading information on TFC. But definitely worth checking you're taking advantage of all workplace benefits etc as best and tax efficiently as you can.

CostanzaG · 21/03/2019 10:17

Vouchers are being phased out but the tax free account can end up saving you more money - depending on your situation. It was a better option for us. However, you both need to be working to access this where as vouchers were an individual benefit.

mrsk28 · 21/03/2019 10:35

I would keep up some hours at work if you can, whether that's full or part time. What other people have said about paying pension, keeping sanity etc is important.

If you really want to stay home with baby could you mind other people's DC as a way to bring in some cash? And then possibly ask work for a career break to keep the door open?

The other thing to consider is that if you don't go back to work but want another baby in the future you would miss out on maternity leave. And you probably wouldn't go back at all once you have 2 DC.

cuppycakey · 21/03/2019 10:43

We can't really cover the household bills with DH wage alone so i'd have to go on some sort of benefits

I don't think you will be entitled to any benefits. You may get a small amount of tax credits - you can check on the tax credits calculator.

Although I agree with PP that working "for nothing" is sometimes a good idea as it enables you to continue a career trajectory and maintain pensions, in your case it seems you would be unable to pay rent/bills/food so it's not an option..

I suspect you will have to either find a means of earning whilst working from home, or get an evening and weekend job so that when DP comes home, you go out. That is how XH and I managed for many years. It's not ideal but it was the only option.

FuckertyBoo · 21/03/2019 10:56

If you think you could do it and would enjoy it, childminding, as suggested^^, is an option, as it allows you to make money while staying at home with dcs. Therefore, not paying childcare. Could that work?

It is frustrating when you realise just how much of a cut you are going to take as a family, just so that you can give your child to someone else to look after, which is always a slight wrench, even when you do want to go back to work.

But, benefits aren’t going to just magically appear because you decide not to work.

We don’t even get child benefit in this house, (which is fair enough, as we do not need it), and I don’t work, (not really by choice, as I said at the beginning of the thread ). And I know people who work full time, who DO get some benefits and rightly so. Stopping work does not = benefits.

reallyanotherone · 21/03/2019 11:00

I never understand why people say this. If childcare costs £15k and one person is earning £12k after tax, then it makes not one iota of difference whether you compare it to that one person’s salary or to the family pot as a whole. You’re still paying out more than you’re putting in

O/p’s household income is 50k. She would only be in deficit for 3 or 4 years, once the child goes to school their income will only be 28k. If o/p stays employed any nursery deficit will be made up very quickly, and they will have an extra 22k per year. Giving up work over a lifetime means o/p will contribute far less financially even considering nursery fees.

Anyway, on what planet does nursery cost more than 22k a year?! Mine went a while ago but even in the se 1k/month was on the expensive side. £40 a day is average? So how does that end up as 2k/month?

EvaHarknessRose · 21/03/2019 11:03

Why don't you both request part time. Remember the mantra that nursery costs come out of both salaries and maintaining your pension pot and career prospects is just as important to the joint finances in the long term.

VelvetPineapple · 21/03/2019 11:21

on what planet does nursery cost more than 22k a year?!
£22k salary gives you £1500 per month after tax. Childcare costs about £800, petrol and parking could easily cost £400. That leaves £300 per month and you’d have other expenses such as work clothes etc. You’d end up with maybe a tenner a day for working full time and having to rush round doing all the chores at weekends. That would barely pay for a family summer holiday! I’d prefer to skip the holiday, SAH and have time to spend with my DC.

NewAccount270219 · 21/03/2019 11:36

I think you can only do TFC if you both work, so inherently you're both claiming (unlike the vouchers)

Disfordarkchocolate · 21/03/2019 11:43

Go back to work.

The cost of childcare is not your expense it's a joint expense incurred because you are both at work. The cost of childcare will therefore only take half of your wages, don't undervalue yourself or allow responsibility to be removed from your husband.

cuppycakey · 21/03/2019 11:47

Posters telling OP to go back to her job - she has already explained they will not be able to cover rent and bills if she does this.

Likewise she won't be able to cover rent and bills if she doesn't (plus all the other negatives of not working)

I think the only alternative here is a different job as I specified before - evenings/weekends or from home.

OP did you not talk about this with DP before you decided to start a family? If so, what was your original plan? Has something changed since then (free childcare option fallen through etc)

FuckertyBoo · 21/03/2019 11:48

£60 a day for nursery where we are. Where we lived previously, friends paid an average of £90 a day for nursery. It totally depends on the area.

I know someone in NI whose children go to a beautiful nursery for £35 per day.

Lifeover · 21/03/2019 11:48

You would be better off working long term. I would also consider that if you’re having issues now paying for one child I’d stick with the one. Child care costs don’t go away for along time. Wrap around, holiday club, activities etc costs a fortune too

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 21/03/2019 11:59

As others have said, you will be building up your career, your pension and giving the family more financial resilience. I'd almost always advocate returning to work.

pootyisabadcat · 21/03/2019 12:07

I think the only alternative here is a different job as I specified before - evenings/weekends or from home.

No, it's not really because if she received anything over SMP, most contracts will state that if you don't return for a minimum amount of time (usually 3-6 months), you have to pay it back, so they'd wind up in huge debt.

I'm wondering why you had no plan until now. Many, many of us do not have 'family/friends' who can provide free childcare, I mean, seriously? Friends?

cuppycakey · 21/03/2019 12:11

pooty Many employers don't insist on this now - although they used to.

I haven't heard of anyone having to pay back contractual maternity pay for a long time now, although doubtless there are some employers out there who will enforce it.

So, it depends on OPs contract/workplace policies.

Phineyj · 21/03/2019 12:11

I think you'd be crazy in the current economic and political situation to cut your household income nearly in half, give up a job you enjoy and stop paying into a pension. However, your salary sounds low for a graduate position, so medium term I think you should look for better paid work. You and DH could do 4 days each to get childcare requirement down to 3 days (that's what we did). What are the prospects for your university post BREXIT? Do you recruit much from the EU?

This is no help to you but I'm always astonished that couples often only seem to look at the numbers when the woman is due back to work. The time to make the spreadsheet and cost up all the possibilities is when you're pregnant. Knowledge is power!

arethereanyleftatall · 21/03/2019 12:50

If you're umming and arrring about working vs nursery for one child, whilst simultaneously thinking about baby number 2, then bear in mind childcare costs will then be doubled if you work, but stay the same if you sahm.
Tbh, I'm not sure you can afford baby number 2 at the moment, I'd be saving first, by working a night job to coincide with when dh gets home. I wouldn't just assume that benefits will cover any number of babies you fancy.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 21/03/2019 12:52

We can't really cover the household bills with DH wage alone so i'd have to go on some sort of benefits.

I don't know why you have assumed you will automatically be entitled to benefits of you choose to leave your job, especially as your DH works FT and is on a decent wage.
Also confused as to why you're already thinking about baby no 2 when you haven't even resolved how you're going to support the one you've already got.

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