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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I go back to work?

90 replies

GeorgiaDeBelle · 20/03/2019 15:29

I'm kind of stuck with what to do- and need some advice. my DD is turning 1 soon and I'm due to return to work after maternity leave. I always loved my job and I have good friends there.

The only issue is, me and DH have looked into nurseries/childcare, and it seems for me to go back to work full time- it would almost be pointless, as the cost for nursery is pretty much the same as my wage. We both live in a city around 2 hours from our parents so friends/family childcare is not an option. I work in a recruitment at a university and really enjoy it. I also love DD and I know it would be a shame to be away from her nearly all of the day.

I'd even consider going back part time, but a part time wage would have the same issue and I'm not sure work would even offer this.. We can't really cover the household bills with DH wage alone so i'd have to go on some sort of benefits. I'm kind of stuck with what to do, I'd love to career progress but financially we'd definitely be worse off and even with career progression, I dont believe my wages would go up for a couple of years.

I've considered staying at home with DD until she's 3, and we can apply for childcare funding, but know by then we'd be looking at baby number 2!

What kind of benefits do you get as a SAHM? My mum worked and all my friends do, so this is the first time I've ever/would be on benefits?

Has anyone else given up work until their child starts school?

DH is on around 28,000 a year before tax and I was on 22,000. We live in the South East. Our rent is £800.00 for a two bed flat and we can't really cut these costs down as it's already cheap for our area and DH has a reasonably good job with a good progression for the future.

OP posts:

Redorangeyellowgreen · 20/03/2019 16:37

I think you'll only get child benefit which you'd also get if you were working anyway.

If you don't want to go back because you would rather stay at home that's one thing.

But if it's genuinely a financial thing, look at ways round it. My partner and I both do 5 days compressed into 4 so we only have to pay for 3 days of childcare. It's worth asking at least.

You can't get childcare vouchers any more but you can get tax free childcare which is where the government puts in 20% of whatever you pay for childcare.

As others have said, childminders are usually cheaper than nurseries.

Gazelda · 20/03/2019 16:51

Contact your employer and find out what options are available - tax free childcare options, work place nursery, flexi hours etc.

Each of us are different, but for me it was much better to return to (part time) work. It was a few years of tight finances, but the pay off longer term is better for us a family. I maintained career progression, pension, work-place confidence etc. We have a comfortable disposable income now and I have a fulfilling job that I love. And I have financial independence which is important to me.

Lazypuppy · 20/03/2019 16:56

You probably won't get other benefits as you are intentionally making yourself unemployed. Probably only for a period.

If you breakeven by going back to work i always think it is worth it

flyings0l0 · 20/03/2019 17:07

I worked for 'nothing' for three years due to childcare costs. But working maintained my skills and sanity, and my pension looks great. Think long term.

This!!!

Piewife · 20/03/2019 17:12

I'm always surprised when people get to the point of going back to work before considering what their work and childcare options will be. I personally had this worked out before we started TTC our first baby. If it'd been a surprise baby this can be considered when pregnant.

Anyway, definitely bear in mind tax free childcare - if nursery fees are £1k then you'll pay £800 of it. Still a lot but it does make a difference. If you could both drop a day each week that might help too?

I'm working a 4 day week and it's quite good. I get that extra day in the week with the children and still very much continuing my career. I'd say it's definitely worth it if you can.

Good luck working it out!

CountessVonBoobs · 20/03/2019 17:13

As long as you aren't making an actual immediate loss it is always worth going back to work. The value is in the pension, in the career progression and maintenance of salary, in the confidence and the current skills that you keep up.

Leaving means quite possibly never getting back to the previous level of salary, losing independence and often confidence, and often shifting the power balance of the relationship quite significantly in the favour of the working partner as well. Keeping your hand in for those few years if you enjoy your job is well worth it.

And as PPs say remember to explore all childcare options and factor in any tax-free childcare savings.

Hollowvictory · 20/03/2019 17:17

Tax free childcare means that govt will effectively pay 20% of your childcare costs. Could you really manage a family of 3 on £28k gross salary? After tax that's what, £24k? Rent is £9600 so that leaves about £15k for everything else?

Lazypuppy · 20/03/2019 20:09

@Piewife

This ^

I knew how long my maternity leave would be, how much i needed to save for my 3 months on smp, what nursery my baby would be going to, how much it would cost and when i could put her name on the waiting list.

SpringLake · 20/03/2019 20:46

Another factor to think about is your contract, if you've had more than SMP while you've been off. I'd have to repay the extra if I don't go back for a minimum of 6 months!

Marmighty · 20/03/2019 20:53

Another vote for going back, full or part time. It's an investment in your career, your pension, entitlement to maternity leave and pay if you want another child, also spreads your risk if your husband was made redundant or became too ill to work. Is there a nursery at the university? It might be subsidised or you could at least see your child during your lunch break.

BigRedBoat · 21/03/2019 07:41

If you have a job you enjoy then there's more to work than just money, even if you only break even after childcare (don't forget to take tax free childcare into account) it's only for a couple of years until your funding kicks in, I would have thought it's worth keeping a job you enjoy (not to mention pension contributions and no cv gap) for the long term benefits rather than the short term financials.

pootyisabadcat · 21/03/2019 07:57

We can't really cover the household bills with DH wage alone so i'd have to go on some sort of benefits.

What kind of benefits do you get as a SAHM? My mum worked and all my friends do, so this is the first time I've ever/would be on benefits?

That's no longer an option. People got sick of funding people to stay at home rather than go to work. It's all UC (no more tax credits for new claimants and the threshold is quite low) and funding for childcare now. And child benefit

It's never pointless to not work FT and you can't afford not to (and even a glance at the Relationship board is enough to realise everyone should always be able to support him/herself, disability or impairment excepted, naturally). That's the way it is for many. Rather than thinking about 'no. 2' it would be better to focus on sorting out childcare and going back to work.

reallyanotherone · 21/03/2019 07:59

You’re thinking short term.

It’s worth being skint the next 3-4 years and working, as at the end of it if you donmt when your child goes to school you will find yourself back on the bottom of the career ladder, if you can even get a job after a long break.

You will also have paid into your pension, wages will have gone up and/or you may have advanced.

Don’t think about how you will manage with nursery fees, think about how you will manage when the kids are at school, and you can’t get back to the workplace. Think about how you will manage with retirement just on your husband’s pension. Think about what may happen if your relationship breaks down and you and yoir partner have to split his salary between two homes, two sets of bills etc.

Your partner isn’t a particularly high earner either. Pension wise you may struggle.

RB68 · 21/03/2019 08:04

In cases like this I would say the best solution and fairest long term is BOTH parents go down to 4 days and 3 days nursery or childminder.

Is there a nursery at Uni you can use?

I say both parents and long term as you both bond well with the child, learn how to look after her, get quality one on one time and the loss of wage is for both as is the reduction in benefits such as pension. It also means it is less pressure on the higher wage earner long term and less resentment for the SAH person

Climbingahoneytree · 21/03/2019 08:07

I've also worked out that if I return to work 3 days a week after ML, after nursery fees are paid, I'll onlt have a couple of hundred quid left from my wages.
It's goingnto be a bit tough financially - I'll actually be better off while I'm on SMP than working part time! But to me it's good to have an up to date CV without gaps to keep you employable, and it's good for children to go to nursery. I do panic when I think a year ahead to when that happens...but we will cope, everyone manages.

Climbingahoneytree · 21/03/2019 08:07

Please excuse the typos

pinkdelight · 21/03/2019 08:15

Mumsnet is awash with threads where mums struggle to get back into work after losing confidence from being out of it for the child rearing years, not to mention the many more trapped after having lost their financial independence. Sure none thought it would happen to them, but it happens so often that it'd be a shame not to take notice and come to the situation as fresh as you seem, asking if anyone's done this. Have a search around on here. That sum about childcare equalling the woman's wage comes up constantly and is so distorting. Your wage is not solely there for childcare. Childcare is a joint expense and work has many other values, taken for granted for men. And we all love our DC, going back to work has no bearing on that. Would be different if you'd planned to be a sahm and figured out how it'd play out, but this sounds like a short-term idea you need to think through much more fully.

CountessVonBoobs · 21/03/2019 08:25

Your partner isn’t a particularly high earner either. Pension wise you may struggle.

Very true. Tbh, it sounds more like you can't afford NOT to work.

mindutopia · 21/03/2019 08:25

I have a career that I love as well. After I had my first, I went back part time at 11 months and the full time at around 2.5 years. My salary just covered nursery with nothing much left over at the time.

For me, it was a wonderful choice. My dd loved nursery and it was such a refreshing change for me. I still had my time with her and we weren’t worse off financially (but no better either), but I enjoyed work and being around other grownups and it was great for my mental health. Several years later, I’ve just gone back to work part time when my 2nd turned 1. It’s still great. The difference is that in the intervening years, I was able to network and build my career while still spending a lot of time at home. I’m now back to work at a salary grade about £20k a year higher than I was 6 years ago. Those years of just covering nursery have paid off and I was just much happier too.

I think if you love what you do, then try to find a balance. Most employers offer flexible working and it is most certainly possible in HE (I also work for a university and they have been very flexible).

reallyanotherone · 21/03/2019 08:40

In my opinion childcare should come out of the family poto not be compared to one persons salary

This. How many men do you reckon even think will my salary will cover nursery?

DorisDances · 21/03/2019 09:26

I would be very wary of stepping out of work permanently. Pension benefits are one reason but also think of the psychological impact and your future earning potential. The key to working when you have children is being totally confident in the child care arrangements you have in place and ensuring quality time when they are with you. Exploring part time options sounds a win win option.

pootyisabadcat · 21/03/2019 09:30

In my opinion childcare should come out of the family poto not be compared to one persons salary

Exactly! I'm amazed it isn't. Why on Earth not? It's HIS kid, too.

VelvetPineapple · 21/03/2019 09:33

I’m in the same boat. My salary wouldn’t cover the expenses of working such as childcare and transport etc. As a SAHM you generally get zero benefits except Child Benefit (£20 a week).

This is the main reason we’re only having one child - I can’t afford to return to work until free childcare kicks in at age 3, and I can’t afford to extend my time out of work by having another child. We’re surviving those three years using a combination of savings, loans and good old frugal living.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/03/2019 09:33

With DH on 28 K you won't get much if you're not working as it goes on family income.

With a family income of 50K can you afford your bills and childcare? Any money left out of the 50k is split between you and DH.
Does either of your employers do the childcare vouchers? What is the cap for help with childcare costs otherwise?

Personally I'd go back short term (so you don't have to pay back maternity pay) a d see if you can make it work.

Can DH do half the drop offs or pick ups?
Any option of condensed hours so you finish earlier one day and can steal her from nursery early?

If you have a second sooner than later you could also withdraw her from nursery whilst you're on leave and when you're due to go back use the 30 hours free or reevaluate then

CountessVonBoobs · 21/03/2019 09:35

Remember that if you're both working both of you can claim childcare vouchers/tax free childcare, not just you.

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