To be sick of DH's lack of budgeting skills

[singsong777]

DH and I spent beyond our means last year on a few short breaks away, going to restaurants a lot and that kind of thing. It left us with a £3.5k credit card bill at the end of the year, which we paid off straightaway but left a big dent in our savings.

This year I'm determined that we live within our means, putting away £400 per month between us into savings and living off a strict but decent budget. We essentially have about £80 per week each to spend on frivolities after all other bills (including food) have been paid.

However, DH is struggling to stick to this and now, a week before payday, is badgering me about money, asking if we can take £50 each out of our savings to get us through the week. We both have about £30 for the next seven days, which will have to buy a few cheap bits of food, a bus ticket here and there but not much else. Ok it's not a huge amount, but IMO it's perfectly adequate considering we have all other expenses paid.

DH thinks I'm being ridiculous as we have almost £7k in savings and says "£50 here and there won't hurt". But like I say, I'm really keen to build up our savings this year to make up for last year's overspending. I'd also like to buy a new bathroom and make other improvements to our house.

We own our home (mortgaged) and have no DC.

AIBU to force DH to stick to this budget or should I give in and let him take £50 out of our savings?

I sympathise but have no advice. Dh and I are both miserly we scrimp and save and rarely go out! We love a good movie and a nice home cooked meal though - all our spare cash goes on the children and the children's education - BUT we sat down and planned everythign years ago and still go through our budgets monthly.

I find living within my means actually give me more freedom in the long run.

And I know its not really relevant but I am gobsmacked by a couple having 160 a week just to splurge.

If he isn’t in debt let him spend his money.

My step mum was like this with my dad. It’s controlling and not fair.

He's being ridiculous. He's already spent hundreds of pounds on himself this month!

As for the pp who said it's best to spend all money and not save, that is awful advice. Everyone should have savings in case they lose their job or have a sudden expense crop up. It is completely reckless to spend everything.

I suppose the sensible thing is to have three months savings PLUS a finite amount to save for the home building works. You can budget for that then everything else is up to him to spend. If he sets up a dd for the amount that goes into savings then the rest is his.

I'm with the OP in that the answer should be no. Tough love as it were.

He IS free to spend all his money, but it would be really unfair if the OP was the only one saving. Why should she be the one having to pay to improve the house, to cover redundancy and emergencies because she didn't just splash and live above her means?

If they have a joint mortgage, he is responsible for 50% of the house, so it's more than fair he contribute to the saving pot.

If it was a flat and not a house, he would have to put money in the emergency fund to cover any possible work and emergencies. (which not all management company do, but that's a stupid thing not to do)

You're controlling him. Why are you in charge? He's a grown man, who earns his own money. I'd be really pissed off if my husband did what you're doing to your husband.

and I'd be really pissed off if I was living with someone that thought someone else will provide if the washing machine blows up or the windows need replacing.

Unless of course he asked you to take charge of finances and is happy with you telling him how much he's allowed to spend. If that's the case, ignore my previous comment.

I'd be really pissed off if my husband did what you're doing to your husband

pay more than his share, have no say on how you spend what's on your current account but insist you are responsible for 50% of the savings to cover the house?

Why would you be so pissed off? Would you expect your husband to pay for everything and you nothing?

So put less into savings and give yourself each more individual spending. You can each decide what you want to do with it. If you want to stay home then stick yours in a personal account and let dh spend his

Saving £400 pcm isn't working for him even if it's working for you. This isn't that hard. It's not exactly a disaster is it to save £300 pcm instead? Perspective is what's required here. You already have £7K savings - it's not the end of the world to save less. (I'm a frugal saver and I would say that you should make the most of life before kids!)

So, what do you do with any of your allocated £320 pcm that you don't spend? Or do you spend it all every month?

£7k in savings isn't very much when you have a bathroom and a holiday to save for, and it has to do as an emergency fund too and £320 pm for just spending is loads, unless you are very well off.

I'd be pissed off at him frittering all that money each month when I had about a third of that because I was paying the food shopping too.

You need to split the food shopping 50/50 and he needs to grow up a little. But have you checked all your expenses to make sure they're as low as possible - utilities, TV services etc. Get all that on the best deal and you can eek out a little extra spending money.

I know I might sound controlling to some, but honestly if DH was in control of our budgeting/expenditure we would be massively in debt - even he admits that! He's got a lot of wonderful qualities, but he's just never been good with money. I think it is just a completely different mindset - live for the moment and enjoy yourself today vs delayed gratification and saving for a rainy day.

All our expenses are as low as possible according to Uswitch, with the exception of food perhaps - but we like to treat ourselves a bit on that front.

Having considered it, I think I'm happy to save a bit more than DH each month, as while we do both want a new bathroom and holiday, I'm probably more keen on the first one at least.

But while I am happy to save a bit extra as that's my priority, in return I would like him to manage his budget and not run out of cash a week before payday. I think that's fair?

Well, it's not what we think is fair, it's what your dp thinks is fair.
A lot of us have already agreed that your savings approach is in line with our approach, BUT it is still controlling to decide what is/isn't fair for your dp, unless your dp is fully on board.
If your dp comes to you and says "my spending is out of control, please put my money into the joint savings account and only let me have £x amount each week", - fine, but any other form of managing his money is still controlling if he hasn't explicitly asked or agreed to it.

And...why are you subsidising his food? I find that very odd. He needs to take a bit more responsibility for his spending if he prioritises beer money over food.

If you're married and live together, you'll both enjoy the bathroom and the holidays, but it's you who's having less spending money while he enjoys his days out and whatever he buys.

You do need to agree on a fair proportion of spending money.

And if you do prefer to stay at home and he needs to go out with friends, then I wouldn't argue over him having a bit more spending money to do that.
But I wouldn't agree with regular £50 overspends to the point that you might end up not saving enough.

Penny pinchers are repellent. There are enough threads on here from people whose partners kick up about even buying the DC an ice cream when there are thousands in savings accounts.
OP may not be genuinely mean, but the overall impression is that she expects her DP to obey her WRT money, and that isn't a reasonable expectation of another adult. She's not his owner.

I didn't get that impression RGB

lucky you if you've never had to save for anything.

Hmm - I think I need to sit down and have a proper chat with him about all this.

Ideally I'd like to open a joint current account together so the finances become more of a shared responsibility. However, I'm not sure DH would be eligible, as he's £1,300 overdrawn on his personal current account and has been for ages.

This isn't too big a deal in some senses, as the bank only charges him around £39 per year in fees rather than per transaction, as far as I can gather - although I personally couldn't live like that. However, I suspect (but don't know) that the overdraft might mean his bank and/or mine won't let us open a joint account.

About five years ago I encouraged him to clear the overdraft by paying back £100 per month, which he did - but he eventually spent it all again. As much as I'd like to encourage him to get rid of it for good, I now bite my tongue.

The OP doesn't want to get into debt. That's very far from penny pinching.

I couldn't be with a partner who was happy to get into debt and I'd rather separate than to be called controlling because I prefer to have a healthy cushion in the bank.

It's very different from women with actually controlling husbands who have to buy second hand clothes for themselves and the children, while their husbands buy in upmarket shops, and have tens of thousands in the bank in their own names.

the first thing is surely to split the monthly food bill between you? Why are you paying for all of it? You say it's because you would budget better, but that doesn't mean you should pay all of it, it should come from joint funds surely?

It looks like he would be better off with an account that only allows spending on a positive balance and a cash card.

I think you'll be fine opening another account. The only issue will be if his transfer doesn't go through due to lack of funds.

Dh and I get paid on the 30 of each month. We transfer a percentage of that to a joint account which covers mortgage bills, food, Netflix, gym etc. The money left in our accounts is ours to fritter as we wish.

Reanimated

Since you appear to have missed it in the OP and several times elsewhere on this thread, the OP's partner has £80 a week to spend, or £320 a month.

That's 40 magnums a week, if you're going for a posh ice cream. And it doesn't include the £115 pound the irresponsible git causes OP to spend on food.

I'll see your 'penny pinchers' and raise you the 'selfish twunts who think that they never have to grow up or defer enjoyment for five seconds and happily let their wives pick up the bills for necessities'.