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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get very annoyed by Santander Bank?

81 replies

NameChanger22 · 19/03/2019 19:00

I continue to get mail from Santander for my abusive ex-partner, even though he moved out 12 years ago and has been deceased for 2 years. He owed them money, he owed everyone money. I had no idea that he owed them money until he moved out 12 years ago, when I started getting all his post.

When he was still alive I kept telling Santander he didn't live at my address, but they told me he needed to contact them, which he probably never bothered to do, he told me he had, but probably lied to me about this.

I have never had a bank account or any association with Santander myself. I have told Santander repeatedly that my ex hasn't lived here for 12 years and he is dead. I contact them whenever I get mail from them, phone them and send most of the mail back, but they say they can't promise me they won't stop sending mail to my address. They basically said they don't believe he is dead so will keep sending me his post.

AIBU to think this is a ridiculous way to run a business and to feel annoyed about this? What can I do to stop getting the post of a dead man sent to my address indefinitely? I have already lodged 2 complaints with them, which seems to have been a complete waste of time as nothing has been done.

OP posts:
Original poster
NameChanger22 · 19/03/2019 20:47

Ohgod - thanks but I don't think his next of kin really needs the hassle of this either. It's Santander's problem, they should be able to get the death certificate themselves, instead they're choosing to annoy and stress other people out. It makes very poor business sense to me.

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 19/03/2019 20:48

Banks can only accept a death certificate. That is the legal position. There have been cases of people pretending their relative is deceased in order to commit fraud.
Don't open any post.
Return to sender marked Deceased.
Write to them notifying them of his legal next of kin.
That is probably going to be the person who registered the death and collected the certificates.
They are responsible for notifying his bank.
Presumably you are not his NOK.
It is not necessary to argue or create a scene.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 19/03/2019 20:50

Branch staff won't be able to help you, other than to suggest you make a complaint, which you will probably find easier and quicker to do online. They don't send the letters, and certainly won't be able to register that he's deceased without the death certificate. Going in and shouting at them isn't going to help, any more than shouting at a checkout operator in Tesco is going to encourage the company to reduce plastic.

endofthelinefinally · 19/03/2019 20:51

The next of kin has to do this.
I had to sit down and phone all my late son's relevant financial institutions the week after he died. It was horrific but necessary.
You are making a huge issue out of this and it is not necessary.

Original poster
NameChanger22 · 19/03/2019 20:53

I have already sent unopened post back marked deceased, but it still didn't stop. I will continue to just do this if they keep hounding me. I am not his NOK, I will tell them who is, but I don't have contact details for this person. Thanks.

OP posts:
stardustlil · 19/03/2019 20:53

Surely the fact that he has died is actually irrelevant to the problem. He doesn't live at your address and hasn't done for 12 years, surely all you would need to prove to them is that he doesn't live at your address? And you shouldn't even need to prove that. If I moved into your house and received he's letters I wouldn't know he was dead, I would just say he doesn't live here and they should stop sending the letters?! It's down to them to trace he's new address/discover he's death. Dead or alive he doesn't live there they shouldn't be sending you he's post

GPatz · 19/03/2019 20:54

I would have said that it's funny that no one at Santander has actually explained what you need to do in order to prevent their unnecessary posting, but it's not surprising.

Original poster
NameChanger22 · 19/03/2019 20:55

I'm not making a huge issue. I haven't done anything, except get annoyed and complain on here.

OP posts:
Original poster
NameChanger22 · 19/03/2019 20:57

Santander have never asked me to provide proof that he hasn't lived here for 12 years. They never asked and I never thought I would need to.

OP posts:
WFTisgoingoninmyhead · 19/03/2019 21:02

Write on the envelope “return yo sender, not at this address” pop it back in the post box after a few weeks they will stop.

JessicaPeach · 19/03/2019 21:03

The bank should know that he is dead or at least have an idea. Banks use trace reports to try and chase up 'gone aways' that give them all sorts of clues to people's status and whereabouts. Death and disappearance is common in debt and banking, should be easy for them to sort out.

Write a complaint letter to the ceo office and have it dealt with there. It's a straightforward query and shouldn't need you to pay for a copy of the death certificate etc.

endofthelinefinally · 19/03/2019 21:04

Their head office computer has your address on it. None of this is generated by a person.
You said you wanted to go to the branch and make a fuss.
That isn't appropriate and wouldn't help.
I get that it is annoying.
I got a letter from HMRC a year after my son died, demanding to know why I hadn't sent them a tax return for the last 4 months of his life. That was very upsetting, but it wasn't a person's fault.
All these things are computer generated.

Original poster
NameChanger22 · 19/03/2019 21:08

Thanks WFT, but I've been doing that for many years and it hasn't stopped. Santander told me today that they cannot guarantee it will stop.

What Santander need to do now is to get the death certificate themselves. They want proof, they need to get it. Then they need to write me a long letter of apology about how sorry they are they didn't believe me and they are sorry that they ignored my phone calls, returned post and complaints. I don't think I need to do anything further, it's their problem, not mine.

OP posts:
Spiritinabody · 19/03/2019 21:13

Copies of certificates from the GRO cost £11. However, you can't just obtain a Death Certificate from the General Register Office for someone who has died in the last 50 years. You are asked for your relationship to them. I don't think they would provide someone with one who was basically an ex boyfriend.

You can obtain them for anyone if the death was over 50 years ago.

Original poster
NameChanger22 · 19/03/2019 21:17

Thanks for your help everyone.

OP posts:
GuineaPiglet345 · 19/03/2019 21:25

I believe they can order the death certificate themselves but as they’d have to pay for it they probably won’t if he owes them money.

To be honest I’m surprissd the debt is still with Santander after 12 years, I would have thought they would have sold it on to a debt collection agency by now.

Either bin the letters or keep sending them back marked as deceased, it’s not your problem.

GuineaPiglet345 · 19/03/2019 21:26

@Spiritinabody you’re talking absolute rubbish, death certificates are public record the same as birth and marriage certificates, anyone can order them for any other person which is why I frequently have to explain to customers why we don’t accept a birth certificate as proof of ID.

Oscopies · 19/03/2019 21:33

Similar issue with Barclaycard here. We bought our house 15 yrs ago & forwarded post to the previous tenant for a few months (mainly just the Bcard bill). Out of the blue 6 months ago we started receiving the Barclaycard bill again for her. Had a bit of a Kafka-esque conversation with Bcard who said they only had our address for her & so would keep sending the bills here and there was nothing we could do about it. The address(es) they've been sending her bills to for the last 15 years they've given up on & have reverted to ours. The card has a balance of about 300 pounds on it & pays £5 a month by dd and gets charged £4.99 interest so no doubt we will continue to get the bills for many years. Unless the cardholder dies/cancels the dd - not sure what will happen then. (Opened the first one accidentally thinking it was my bill)
We just bin them now & I try not to waste any time thinking about it. Your situation is much more personal and I can see why you are annoyed and frustrated. I would encourage you to try and think of it as more junk mail and stick it straight in the recycling.

ny20005 · 19/03/2019 21:47

If you go into a branch shouting loudly, I hope they call the police 🙄

They don't have to do anything to confirm he's dead - the onus is on you to prove it if you want the mail to stop

You are not a customer & it's not your account - they will never take your word for it & remove an address from an account that is not yours. They are not doing anything wrong .....

Original poster
NameChanger22 · 19/03/2019 22:03

FFS ny =20005. Are you a troll? It seems you are trying to wind me up. I suspect you work for Santander. I've already said I'm not going to go into a branch shouting. Another poster suggested that I go into a branch. I said previously I would not shout.

The onus is not on me. I don't have to prove anything. This is between a stupid bank and a dead man. Nothing to do with me.

I am not their customer, their customer is dead so they cannot take his word either. They are doing lots of things wrong.

Please keep off the thread if you don't have anything useful to say, thanks.

OP posts:
delilahbucket · 19/03/2019 22:44

ny20005 is correct, but clearly anyone who doesn't agree that Santander are crap and join you on your high horse OP is wrong and unhelpful Hmm. Chill out. Santander don't owe it to you to stop the letters and they have done nothing wrong. They cannot change account details on your say so, only that of the next of kin. You would be extremely pissed off if someone went into your bank and changed your postage address because they said you've died. You would rightly be pissed off because it is illegal. I've never known anyone get so stressed out over some mail that doesn't belong to them. Just bin the letters and focus your energy on something more worthwhile.

Ohgodtheresaspider · 19/03/2019 22:48

Ny20005 is only telling you what previous posters have although slightly less tactfully! Santander aren’t doing anything wrong, they are trying to chase their debt at his last known address to them that’s all. I get your stuck in the middle but due to data protection they can’t just update his account on your say so unless you are providing legal documents like a death certificate. You really are making a mountain out of a molehill. Just keep returning to sender or shred the letters you receiving.

Ohgodtheresaspider · 19/03/2019 22:49

Cross posted with deliahbucket

Original poster
NameChanger22 · 19/03/2019 23:04

I will just return the letters. Thanks.

OP posts:
Scotsrule · 20/03/2019 00:34

www.resolver.co.uk/companies/santander-complaints

Give this a whirl, no harm no foul

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