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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this school newsletter too rude?

715 replies

RudeHead · 19/03/2019 17:19

NC as obviously outing to other parents. This week's primary school newsletter had the following from the head^^ about parents' evening...

Thank you for all the positive comments that teachers received yesterday. They all work so hard for each child in their class. Though I have noticed that there are too many parents not attending the parents meeting and making individual appointments with teachers before and after school This will not be allowed. We start at 1.30pm and finish at 7pm so whatever job you have, you can still make the consultation. I have to keep the workload down for our teachers. If there is a reason why you cannot meet on the designated parent consultation, which is dated in September, then please write to me.

AIBU that this is unacceptably rude? I feel like I should write in or something. I get her point but surely there's a better way to make it?

OP posts:
IC4nSeeYourPixels · 20/03/2019 19:38

Which is a bit cheeky considering they problem get the most paid holidays per year with the best paid sociable hours!!!!!!!

Not true at all.

bringincrazyback · 20/03/2019 19:41

There is also a very limited office staff, so teachers can also carry out marketing, admin and events events management tasks that they wouldn't have the chance to elsewhere, so they can really develop their skills.

Yes, but what we really want to know @Yellowfish123 is: are they locked in while they're doing this?

Theworldisfullofgs · 20/03/2019 19:41

If you are not a teacher maybe you should consider being a school governor. Then you would see how many hours teachers actually work.

Theworldisfullofgs · 20/03/2019 19:43

And yellowfish if I was a governor at your husband's school, I'd be asking why teachers aren't actually teaching.

NoooorthonerMum · 20/03/2019 19:43

Obviously it's stupid to say whatever job you do you can make it. I get the rest of it though. You can expect a personal appointment at your convenience.

Corrag · 20/03/2019 19:46

Its s very generous timeslot with a very generous pre- warning. Either arrange shifts, or take the day off and you are sorted. A lot of people have to take a (half) day of for appointments , so the head is very reasonable

As others have said though, not everyone can just change shifts or book half a day off. Where U work, there's not a single day (or half day) available to book off between mid June and the end of Sept.

BrokenWing · 20/03/2019 19:46

The majority of parents can have a least one parent available for parents evening either by taking annual leave or leaving work early.

For the minority who really can't go on that date they can write to the head saying why they couldn't attend and request a separate meeting.

The letter is worded for the entitled ones that could make arrangements for one parent to go but don't want to waste their annual leave or TOIL for a 5 minute slot, but happy to waste the teachers time with separate appointments. Parents evening times are a pain but it's only once (for our school) a year. I dont see the problem with the newsletter.

Differentcorner · 20/03/2019 19:50

So if your salary is 30k a year you get paid 39/52 of that split over 12 months or do you get the whole of 30k to represent a total pay for 39 weeks work? A salary of that amount potentially bumps up your hourly rate hugely, well behind other public sector roles. I think what teachers do is amazing BUT you know what the job entails when you sign up. I work as a midwife and there’s no point in me moaning about getting off late, having so work weekends, bank hols Xmas etc, nights...

Oliversmumsarmy · 20/03/2019 19:52

Maybe it is easier to go to an appointment after school with your dc as having made the appointment the teachers might not then get your child mixed up with another

Been to more than one where the teacher has clearly got Dd mixed up with another pupil.

Dd was told off for not attending a certain class although Dd wasn’t meant to be in that class and telling Dd she was university material because of her top marks in the recent tests.
Dd came second to bottom.

Dp has never been to a parents evening. He leaves the house at 6.30am and rarely returns before 7pm at the earliest more regularly 7.30-8pm

kennycat · 20/03/2019 19:57

It is on the abrupt side (and would annoy lots of people that I know) but on the whole I think 'Allelujah!!' and would like very much to work for this Head who won't stand for all the idiot parents thinking they are in some way more special than anyone else.
Give that Head a medal I say.

Ellyess · 20/03/2019 20:04

merryMuppet. Obviously those hours you worked were a killer and I feel really sorry you had to do it as a mum. But please don't accuse School staff of not understanding that people have to work difficult hours. In my long experience before I changed careers I was a Teacher then I worked with the Inspectorate, so I saw many schools. I was deeply impressed by what they did to help the community and parents cope with difficult hours, Breakfast Clubs and After School Clubs for example. After all this was not their job. Teacher have a contract to work so-many hours a week and to teach during that time or do that which is necessary such as preparation. I have never met one Teacher who fitted in all their school work into the hours they were paid to do it. Most work many hours over that. One, on a full-time contract, we estimated, worked double the number of hours they were paid to work! We then realised this was probably quite common, but not every week. People would get ill!

Teachers are very dedicated and the job is not like any other. It is extremely demanding and exhausting yet the Teachers I met were so dedicated to their pupils and they were doing extraordinary things to help them in often difficult conditions. All the Teachers I met were over worked and said they often were doing school work at night till almost midnight, coming in over the week-end too. Keeping 30 very mixed ability juniors on task and learning all day or motivating teenagers who hate school, trying to give them some ambition to study for grades that will affect their lives, - this is exhausting and not a job you go home and forget about. Teachers think of their pupils nearly all the time, collecting ideas for projects, things to help a particular child who has a problem, they never stop! Not even when they go away on holiday!
The Head in this case did say to write to her if you cannot manage the hours she has arranged. She hasn't left it as come then or never. She wants people who have problems with those arrangements to write to her. People are ignoring that she says this! I find that a very good sign she has asked for details in writing because she is obviously looking for information she can work with. This is not a Head Teacher who thinks everybody works the same hours.

It has to be said too, that if a parent cannot manage to see their Child's Teacher at a mutually agreed and reasonable time, the onus is on the Parent to arrange their work so that they can keep an appointment at the school about their child. You would keep a medical appointment, presumably, even if you had to miss work. This has to be seen as just as important. But this Head has asked people to write to her first so she is going to try and find a time suitable for both Parent and Teacher.

You should remember, school is not a child-care organisation just so you can dump your children there and go out. Your child(ren) are your responsibility. What do you do if your child is ill, for example? You have to be aware that you are the carer of your child and you might have to collect your child from school at any time. Similarly, organising Parents' Evenings is almost always asking Teachers to do free overtime. A Head Teacher knows her Staff are already overworked. She will do all she can to protect them from unnecessarily long hours. I think it is reasonable in the circumstances, to ask Parents to see the School Teachers at the times the School gives and the Parents should make arrangements to meet those appointments. It would only be in an extraordinary case that the Parents would be given a different time. If Teachers can give up their free time, then the Parents must take some sacrifices too.

People do not see Teachers as being at work, like other people, doing a job. But Teachers have rights! Teachers have the right to work their contracted hours. If all Teachers chose to work to rule, including the Heads of Schools, and only work the hours their contracts state, most Parents would have to get to work late and leave early. This would be because the "contact hours" a Teacher has of being with pupils actually teaching are only part of their contract. They have to spend "non-contact" time preparing lessons and marking and researching educational methods for individual needs etc. Just about all Teachers work far more hours than those on their contract without extra pay. If they didn't, our school system would collapse. Parents have become so used to Teachers doing so many out of hours extra things without pay, that they forget that this is the Teacher's own free unpaid time. Or that this is the time they would be doing education-related work but because they've stayed to see you, or do something extra, they will be doing all that marking and preparation and making new educational aids tonight at home. Probably past midnight.

You cannot expect them to do over-time for no pay just because of your job. Their job is demanding and it's time to respect them and stop expecting them to be at your beck and call just to fit in with your working hours. They are not Nannies or Child-Minders who you can ask "to stay on a bit longer tonight". They are Professional people who work very hard and are not paid to be available 24 hours a day just to suit you.

Would you regularly stay at work for an extra couple of hours without pay just because a client was working and couldn't get in earlier for the meeting?

Differentcorner · 20/03/2019 20:10

If NHS staff, police, fire and ambulance crew did not work extra hours and many many of these are unpaid the entire public sector would collapse. I appreciate the worth of the teachers in my children’s life, after all they spend most of their time with them and their loving care, skill and attention to detail is wonderful. I just think you have to accept with the job term time is tough but you get a decent break

Double0FeckingBollocks · 20/03/2019 20:10

My husband works 12 hour unsociable shifts in a difficult job, but he is able to take annual leave for his children's school things because, y’know, priorities.

Ellyess · 20/03/2019 20:11

Differentcorner. Midwives need all our support! You are a fantastic bunch of perfect professionals who really do set the standard! Please don't go in competition with Teachers on this thread, they too work extremely hard and it is very exhausting! There is no competition; both Professions deserve our support! You all work beyond the call of duty and both professions get taken for granted!
I have noticed what a hard time Midwives are having and I wrote to my MP recently about it because of the thread here.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 20/03/2019 20:18

Not rude. Just direct. With 6 months notice there really isn’t an excuse not to attend. If neither parent is able to attend then you have plenty of time to discuss with family support network to see if someone else can go.

Ellyess · 20/03/2019 20:19

Double0FeckingBollocks. He's a lovely Dad!! I'm really moved to read what you've said actually! It's made me a bit tearful! So much on here expecting Teachers to be at their beck and call and that their job comes before the Teachers' work conditions, and then I read your lovely post! Dad, with extremely hard hours and job on shifts, takes annual leave for the children's school things. And you just said so simply:
because, y’know, priorities

Should be engraved on every parent's heart.

Ellapaella · 20/03/2019 20:22

I'm a nurse and my husband a doctor. In the past it has sometimes been impossible to attend parents evening due to shift patterns. An off duty is often done up 6 weeks in advance for nursing staff and as DH is a consultant he can't cancel operations or clinics for open days unless he gets 6 weeks notice, same for on call - if he happens to be on call the week of parents evening then unfortunately the hospital can't be left without an on call consultant! And parents evenings at our school never give 6 weeks notice - it's usually more like 2.
It's incredibly insulting for someone to imply that 'y'know' our kids are not our priority.

I think teachers are amazing and work incredibly hard for very little reward or thanks from the public. Sometimes you just have to make individual arrangements with the teachers if it's not possible to attend parents evening, I've never had any hostility form school when this has been the case for us - we simply speak over the phone or email or catch up another time.

nuxe1984 · 20/03/2019 20:22

Not being rude. Just being honest and upfront. Some parents just don't get subtle.
And teacher workload is a serious problem - have a look at the numbers leaving the profession, or the numbers suffering from mental health issues. Teachers don't turn up 5 minutes before the children - they get in much earlier to prepare and plan work. And they don't head off the minute they wave goodbye to the children either. There's usually all sorts of work that needs doing at the end of the day including a ridiculous amount of paperwork required by the government ... which they obviously can't do during the day because they're teaching the children.
Offering time slots from 1.30pm - 7pm well in advance should give people enough time to sort something out. There may be the odd one or two who works shifts and can't change them but most people won't have an issue.
Besides, it's your child so surely it's worth a little bit of inconvenience to see how they're doing at school?

PinkPanther27 · 20/03/2019 20:23

Not rude but making an assumption although I would imagine it's directed at the can't be arsed brigade than the minority that would be working those hours.

StarB3 · 20/03/2019 20:26

'So whatever job you have you can still make it'! Yes this is rude. Some people do have to work during those times

marshmallowtum · 20/03/2019 20:27

My dad has just come home with a letter for parents evening with 2 weeks notice...not a problem for me and DH with our job roles but September is a fair amount of notice IMO! Rude or not, these people have to work around their jobs so I think that is a fair amount of notice!!!

marshmallowtum · 20/03/2019 20:27

*dh even, TYPO!!!

Ellyess · 20/03/2019 20:28

Differentcorner. I totally agree about ll the public Sector people - wholeheartedly. I went into the Health sector in my second career, so saw a lot.
The Teachers can't actually help the fact that there are school holidays! I have to say, they do appreciate it and none I know ever thinks they are better or more deserving than any of the people you have mentioned. It's just that here we're talking about a school! And during term time it is very full-on and very tiring! Also in many of the shorter breaks I used yo be in school as did my colleagues and we did school journeys too....

Btw lots of us used to do loads of education-related things during the holidays and work on children's holiday schemes etc. I used to do one with children with learning disabilities because it's extremely hard for the parents of these children to have them at home for 6 weeks!

marshmallowtum · 20/03/2019 20:30

Ok, I'm sorry! I've just read through the OP and it's not about parents evening! 🙈 meetings are a different ball game!

CoastalWave · 20/03/2019 20:37

Can't see the problem.

I'm self employed and it costs me £30 to attend every parents evening. I still prioritise it.

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