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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this school newsletter too rude?

715 replies

RudeHead · 19/03/2019 17:19

NC as obviously outing to other parents. This week's primary school newsletter had the following from the head^^ about parents' evening...

Thank you for all the positive comments that teachers received yesterday. They all work so hard for each child in their class. Though I have noticed that there are too many parents not attending the parents meeting and making individual appointments with teachers before and after school This will not be allowed. We start at 1.30pm and finish at 7pm so whatever job you have, you can still make the consultation. I have to keep the workload down for our teachers. If there is a reason why you cannot meet on the designated parent consultation, which is dated in September, then please write to me.

AIBU that this is unacceptably rude? I feel like I should write in or something. I get her point but surely there's a better way to make it?

OP posts:
shatteredandstressed · 19/03/2019 22:54

Cookie -who looks after your children if you're flying all over the world at the drop of a hat?

thedisorganisedmum · 19/03/2019 22:57

in person she comes across as caring
I bet she is, and her priority is the children and the staff.

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking · 19/03/2019 23:01

YOU CAN WRITE TO THE HEAD!

The head recognises there are some ever so important people and you can write to her. A polite request requesting a different is what's required (and the child's father's if they are involved) is what is required.

For what it's worth, at our school its the busy, two full time working families who are often the most present at events and assemblies and parent's evenings etc because their life means they are used to making things happen.

MsRabbitRocks · 19/03/2019 23:02

DH's background is not in teaching, but in business.

Yellow, you are just the gift that keeps on giving! Thank you for entertaining me tonight after a long Parents Evening, ironically. Pure comedy gold!!!

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking · 19/03/2019 23:04

Ok time for bed, I just wrote the least articulate paragraph in the whole thread.

If you are called to the bar at short notice and your child's father is also working a long shift/jetting off to a last minute meeting overseas, you can write to the head.

Kolo · 19/03/2019 23:04

DH's background is not in teaching, but in business. The commercial approach he has imolemented within the school as headteacher has led to great outcomes for children and very satisfied parents. The school is now extremely oversubscribed and many of the staff are enjoying the agile, exciting and innovative culture and working practices he has put in place.

I’d love to be a fly on the wall in this school’s staffroom. I bet even the caretaker is pissed off that for a whole month he can’t clock off and lock up the school.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 19/03/2019 23:05

The commercial approach he has implemented within the school as headteacher has led to great outcomes for children and very satisfied parents. The school is now extremely oversubscribed and many of the staff are enjoying the agile, exciting and innovative culture and working practices he has put in place.

]hmm] Did you copy and paste that directly from the brochure? Sounds like corporate wankery to me. I wouldn't touch such a school with a barge pole.

MsRabbitRocks · 19/03/2019 23:06

No way on earth I could commit to a slot no matter how much notice I had been given unless I took the week out to clear my diary and avoid eg cases going long etc.

So you write to the Head and explain. Problem solved. Genuinely thought that a lawyer would have picked up on that on the OP newsletter piece. Parents Evenings are not a surprise when your child starts school and nor are they compulsory. Some people will be offended by anything.

ilovesooty · 19/03/2019 23:06

agile, exciting and innovative culture Hmm

@YellowFish123 I've seen enough of your comments on other threads about workers' conditions and what your husband expects of his staff to feel thoroughly sorry for anyone who has the misfortune to work for him.

HeronLanyon · 19/03/2019 23:09

Marabbit - not sure why the scathe - of course I would - I was agreeing with others that many reading that newsletter would be in difficulty and so it was particularly unfortunate that the tone was so peremptory.
Nice to meet you too.

Tunnockswafer · 19/03/2019 23:09

many of the staff are enjoying the agile, exciting and innovative culture and working practices
Rofl. That might be what they say to his face. It won’t be what they say to their spouses/friends/down the pub.
I’ve still not had an answer from yellow fish as to how I can make myself available to over three hundred parents. Oh and I only work part time so that wipes out another couple of days.

Kolo · 19/03/2019 23:10

I've seen enough of your comments on other threads about workers' conditions and what your husband expects of his staff to feel thoroughly sorry for anyone who has the misfortune to work for him.

Is there a way of searching for a user’s past posts? (And also, you must be the same @ilovesooty from TES back in the day? 👋)

HeronLanyon · 19/03/2019 23:10

The ‘agile’ in particular was worrying!

Tunnockswafer · 19/03/2019 23:12

If you can’t commit to a slot at all then you can’t commit to the school show, football match, piano recital, birthday party, night out with friends - anything really. Which would be a tough way to live but hardly the school’s fault.

ilovesooty · 19/03/2019 23:13

Yes @Kolo, I am. Grin

I didn't need to search her previous posts--I remember how unpleasant she was on a thread started by a poster who was ill and worried about ringing in sick to work.

UnspiritualHome · 19/03/2019 23:15

The sooner we have Virgin Healthcare in the UK, the better as far as I'm concerned.

Try having a child with SEN left to the mercy of Virgin Healthcare staff for the delivery of vital reports and therapies. You wouldn't be saying that for much longer.

Thisismyschool · 19/03/2019 23:15

@RudeHead

I know where you're coming from, I just think she's not that great with the written word!

I assume you don't have one in year 6? We had a corker of a letter this week.

I think she often takes a 'telling off' tone in the newsletter, but then some of the parents at the school....you can't blame her!

Anyway this thread has gone completely off on a tangent now!

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking · 19/03/2019 23:16

I would imagine the reality is that there is a whole lot of parents who DO always make it to the school show in plenty of time to elbow their way to the front, and the football match, and to take a day off for a weekend away etc but don't want to take time off for parent's evening.

It is these parents the head is trying to target, not those where both of the child's parents work is genuinely inflexible positions - and this can happen for those at both ends of the economic scale. But it doesn't happen simply for parent's evening.

Kolo · 19/03/2019 23:17

@ilovesooty 👋 Nice to ‘see’ a ‘familiar face’ here.

YellowFish123 · 19/03/2019 23:18

DH believes that the role of a teacher is to put their clients i.e. parents and children first @Tunnockswafer.

This means that, yes, there is a one month flexible parents meeting period to ensure maximum engagement m. But there also needs to be the opportunity for parents to raise concerns outside this period. Many of DH's staff use Skype to do this at a time convenient for parents. Some staff also find that morning meetings before school work well for working parents.

clairemcnam · 19/03/2019 23:20

Tunnocks Yes it might be a tough way to live, but plenty of people can not commit to anything on weekdays, but only at weekends.

I support the Head. But there are a range of comments on this thread which do show a lack of understanding of many jobs. So DP can not take time off work unless it is an emergency, without 3 months notice. He is self employed and works on 3 month contracts. At that point he has to state any days he is taking off, and of course does not get paid for them.
Lots of people in low paid jobs have to take the hours offered to them, or risk not being offered many hours in the future.
Working conditions for a lot of people are actually pretty shit.

Although the only time I would not have been able to make parents evening was when I was caring for a relative who I could not leave alone for longer than about 15 minutes at a time. Enough time to dash to the school and pick up the kids, but nothing else. But I could not have made any time at all.

clairemcnam · 19/03/2019 23:21

Also the comments on this thread about how any decent parent would make sure they get to parents evening annoys me. Most parents do their best to get there. But keeping my job would take priority.

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking · 19/03/2019 23:21

Wow my children's school is super flexible and I have no complaints about access to staff but insisting on a month's availability for meetings up to 9pm on a teacher's salary just makes him sound like an arse to work for I'm afraid.

ShadyLady53 · 19/03/2019 23:22

It is rude in that it assumes that everyone works 9-5 or 5-9. Today I left for work at 11.30am and I only got home at almost 10.30pm.

I get attitude from a lot of people because I don’t work Monday-Friday 9-5. From postmen and builders and people on supermarket checkouts - “not working today then?”, “lady of leisure are we?”. I’ll never forget having to miss a Sunday am-dram rehearsal because I was working when I was in my final year of my degree and this very bossy, 40 something civil servant rolled her eyes and exasperatedly said, “Oh for fucks sake! Do you honestly expect us to believe you were working on a SUNDAY?! Stop acting all sweetness and light and own your mistakes. You’d had a heavy night the night before and you couldn’t be arsed to get out of bed!”

Because in her mind no one could possibly work on a weekend. When else are students supposed to work if they are in lectures during the week and don’t finish till six?

I can think of a lot of people in my own life who wouldn’t have been able to make those hours; medical staff, university tutors with long commutes (like me!), people that work in the arts and that’s only people I know.

I’m not surprised at all about the attitude though. At the last school Outreach project I did, a teacher moaned to me saying “that child’s mother doesn’t give a flying fuck about him. It’s just the two of them and she’s put him in breakfast club AND after school club. All she bothers about is working.”

Erm...she’s a single mum...she’s solely responsible for her child financially, she’s not exactly got many options has she other than to put him in wraparound child care?!

jacks11 · 19/03/2019 23:22

I think it is fine.

There may be a small number of parents who, despite many months notice, cannot attend at the planned time or date. In the event that people genuinely cannot do so, they can contact the headteacher to discuss and arrange an alternative.

I struggle to get worked up about this. In my profession it can be difficult to rearrange things (rota's made up quite far in advance sometimes, yet still subject to last minute changes; theatre lists which I cannot rearrange at short notice for something like parents evening; being on-call (unless you can get a swap), but usually (not always) it can be done if you have enough notice and are organised.

I suspect part of the problem is that too many parents who would find it more convenient to attend on another date, rather than essential, try to make individual appt's to see the teacher instead of going to parents night. They don't really try to rearrange their work schedule/plan a way around it etc as it's easier just to get the teacher to see them when is easiest for them.

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