Should people in public facing roles be sensitive?

[FedUpParent]

Title’s vague sorry I didn’t know how to word it.

Basically I’m an autistic adult with other mental health problems, today I was trying to travel alone on a train and missed my connection. I was very upset as my ticket had a specific time on it and said it couldn’t be used for another train (to buy another one would be £30-40).

A staff member approached me in the station as I was crying and abruptly asked what the matter was. I tried to explain that the train drove off as I was at the doors of it and I didn’t have another ticket and I was scared.

He said “well for gods sake you can use that one” I mentioned the exact time on the ticket, he says “it doesn’t matter that it’s for a different train just use it”. He didn’t say it in like a jokey tone but quite snappy (and loud) it appeared like he thought I was wasting his time. I made sure to thank him anyway and he stormed off without a word.

I’m quite self aware (when I calm down) and understand it probably did look ridiculous that I was crying. And maybe if he knew I was autistic he’d have been more understanding. I know some people haven’t got the patience for when someone seems overdramatic but I’ve now been hiding in a toilet for almost an hour wishing I’d never tried to do this

Do you think someone who’s job is to interact with such a wide variety of people should be a bit more sensitive or AIBU coz obviously everyone has the right to get annoyed sometimes?

I think a previous poster was spot on - it's irrelevant that the OP is autistic - the staff member is PAID to help her whether he thinks she's being ridiculous or not - that's not his call to make!

I work in a public facing role. I’d be really concerned if I saw someone crying, certainly wouldn’t be snappy and patronising.

But of course one of the other potential issues here is that the member of platform staff may have been autistic in their own right and this could have fuelled their reaction? And this is where we enter into difficult teratory, because in most people’s opinion people in public facing roles need to be polite, have good people skills etc. However, if someone’s disability means that they find it difficult to read signals and/or react in what would be deemed to be an appropriate manner towards a member of the public, would it be ok to not employe that person because of it? Because not doing so would then mean that person was being discriminated against based on their disability, so how do you address that?

Yes I think someone who works on a frontline in public transport should be aware that there maybe people with ‘hidden’ issues that could make them more vulnerable than others, and act accordingly.
Maybe you also need to understand he’s in a stressful job, needs to keep his eye on departures, make sure trains arrive and depart safely so it might have been irritating to deal with someone distressed with what he considers as a small issue. He could have been nicer to you though.

I don't really know the answer to that. Perhaps they would have to have some training or be shadowed by another member of staff.

@Candleglow7455 - it doesn't matter whether he thinks it a small issue or not - it's called customer service!

I think platform staff will view talking to customers as a secondary part of their role, they are firstly there to dispatch trains safely and (sometimes) on time. However, surely human compassion comes into it whatever your role.

If I was waiting for a train and witnessed you crying I would have approached you to see if you were okay and you would be within your right to tell me to fuck off and mind my own business but it wouldn't sit right with me to just ignore someone who's obviously in a state, let alone be overtly abrupt with them.
I would and have done this before but I would be especially cautious at a station, DH works on the railway and unfortunately has witnessed more than I could begin to comprehend, maybe I am more paranoid because of this but I don't see any negatives of offering a little compassion when it might be needed.

rosinavera yes I know And that’s why I said he could have been politer.
The station staff are primarily there to dispatch trains safely and keep an eye on people going too near the tracks as trains depart & approach. Seeing someone in a distressed state near the tracks would be a big red flag to me.

Sorry @Candleglor7475 - yes you did say that. I'm cross with the earlier posters not you! :-)

rosinavera - no worries. Tbh my local station staff are fond of yelling instructions at the top of their voices at us commuters, there’s not much evidence of customer service For me to draw on.

Oh dear, it is a sign of the uncaring times to a certain extent, I think. Also, very much to do with poor staff training. I started my working life at John Lewis and I am so glad I did as their staff training was very good - the customer was always right and you always had to be courteous and helpful towards them whatever they were like (or whatever you thought of them). I had to learn to overcome my natural retorts and remain pleasant and this has stood me in good stead with throughout my life so far when dealing with other people. If only all places of work trained their staff properly, life would be much more pleasant for everyone.

Anyway @FedUpParent - please come out of the toilet and go and have a cup of tea. I think you were unlucky to get such a grumpy piece of work but please don't let it put you off in future xx

Maybe he was having a bad day or maybe he is just like that. Either way, it doesn't really matter.

I'd have been focusing on the fact your ticket situation was sorted. People aren't always going to deliver their messages as you would like so you should try to be less sensitive to how grumpy other people are.

YANBU If I saw someone crying because of missing a train I would presume it wasn't just about missing a train, that other factors were the real reason but that's because I'm not a cunt

Sorry you had to deal with that OP, I swear there are some people who just know when you're vulnerable and begin circling like sharks that smell blood in the water! Those people are cunts who feel the need to kick people when they are down, you may of noticed a few on this thread

I work in a public facing role. If I saw someone upset and found out it was over something like this I might not assume autism but I'd certainly have the good sense to see that something was going on and that being abrupt and snappy wouldnt help.

Anyone in a public facing role who is good at their job would be kind and try to help, not treat you as if you're an inconvenience.

Well, he was actually helping you wasn’t he? He told you that you could use the ticket.

You didn’t like his manner, but think about it this way: as you’re autistic, do people sometimes mistake that for rudeness? I know that’s often something that happens to people with autism and Aspergers, you don’t even know if he himself does. Or he might just have a gruff manner.

I think it’s usually better to focus on what people are saying and doing rather than trying to analyse tones or expressions in an attempt to mind read, otherwise it can be really quite unfair if you’re assuming things that people don’t actually feel.

And besides, even if he was snapping at you and thinking you were overdramatic, why would you care? How does it affect you and why do you value his opinion?

You know you can get the train now, you’re upset but you’re actually coping because something has gone wrong and you now know that you can cope with that by getting on the next train. So do that and carry on with your day, you will have coped and it will have been a successful journey.

Somebody snapped at you but it wasn’t anybody significant and you shouldn’t let it spoil any more of your day.

And you came on here to get some support, you’re actually coping well. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

"Maybe he was having a bad day or maybe he is just like that. Either way, it doesn't really matter."

It does matter.

I've made complaints about how my Autistic DD has been treated.

These organisations carry disability and equality charters. They have equality training for each of their Staff, also safeguarding etc.

" you should try to be less sensitive"

That doesn't work for people who are vulnerable, disabled, have LDs etc. Public facing Staff should know how to deal with every member of the public.

yes, they should be, but as your experience and this thread demonstrates, too many people think the opposite.

He shouldn't have spoken to you the way he did, autism or no autism.

Hard to understand why some posters seem to think it's okay to accept such a lack of humanity just because it's not the primary aspect of his job. Just be fucking nice FGS.

But he did help. Perhaps he's autistic and that's his manner

I think a previous poster was spot on - it's irrelevant that the OP is autistic - the staff member is PAID to help her whether he thinks she's being ridiculous or not - that's not his call to make!

No, their primary tole is to dispatch trains safely and on time, and not to provide comfort to passengers distressed by missing one of them. It is unreasonable to expect someone performing a safety critical role to act as a counsellor.

if information on a ticket is unclear it is not for them to snap at someone.

Everyone is grieving and worried and fearful, and yet none of them wear the signs, none of them have labels, and none of them come with written warnings reading, I’M STRUGGLING. GO EASY.
And since they don’t, it’s up to you and me to look more closely and more deeply at everyone around us: at work or at the gas station or in the produce section, and to never assume they aren’t all just hanging by a thread. Because most people are hanging by a thread—and our simple kindness can be that thread.

In a world ravaged by terrorism, hate and anguish. Be more kind.

Ideally yes, everyone in a public role should be compassionate even if it’s faked.

However, they are still human and can have a bad day like everyone else