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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is in the wrong?

23 replies

Rudest · 18/03/2019 21:15

An argument I’ve had with my husband more than once before. We’re sat watching tv and I say something to him, just telling him something about my day. Nothing really important but making conversation. We have both been in work all day so haven’t seen much of each other. He didn’t acknowledge what I said because he was texting his friends on their group WhatsApp.

I find it rude that he wasn’t listening to what I was saying because he was on his phone. He said I’m in the wrong because he was on his phone first, and I interrupted him.

Aibu to ask who is in the wrong here?

OP posts:
superram · 18/03/2019 21:17

I can’t do two things at once so wouldn’t hear you as I’m concentrating on something else.

TheRealKimmySchmidt63 · 18/03/2019 21:18

You are if he is was on his phone first

WhatchaMaCalllit · 18/03/2019 21:18

When you say that he was on his phone was he on a phone call or browsing something on his phone? If he was talking with someone, then you're being unreasonable. If he was browsing, then he could be a bit unreasonable as he could put it down, listen to you, have a conversation and resume his browsing.
My question is why would he be browsing and you be trying to have a conversation if you were watching tv? Surely by watching tv you're not on your phone or trying to have a conversation with the other?

iklboo · 18/03/2019 21:24

He didn’t acknowledge what I said because he was texting his friends on their group WhatsApp.

Original poster
Rudest · 18/03/2019 21:29

Looks like I might need to apologise then...

If you read my OP it’s clear what he was doing on his phone.

We were watching something neither of us were too interested in it seems lol

OP posts:
SummerHouse · 18/03/2019 21:37

But you are in the here and now. That should be prioritised over any phone stuff I think. Fair enough he didn't hear you but he should then correct that by turning attention to you. It's basic manners.

Whereareyouspot · 18/03/2019 21:46

Assuming he is older than 14 he IBU.

What adult would t out their down down for a minute to talk to their spouse?

I’d find that very rude.

Bloody phone obsession drives me mad

SwoopTheJackpot · 18/03/2019 21:49

He is unreasonable. You are there with him. You take priority over his phone.

Original poster
Rudest · 18/03/2019 21:53

The phone obsession upsets me too. I’ve been guilty of it too I can’t lie. But I’m trying to leave my phone upstairs now and only check it now and again. It just felt really rude to me for him to prioritise his phone over someone speaking to him there and then!

OP posts:
Rojelio · 18/03/2019 21:56

My DH gets frustrated with me for this, from my pov I'd prefer it if he'd just say that he'd like to chat to me and then I can stop what I'm doing and give him my attention, but just starting to talk when a minute earlier he was watching tv and he can see I'm talking to my mum / sis or whoever does frustrate me as then he gets huffy when I haven't heard him.

Crabbyandproudofit · 18/03/2019 21:59

My DH can't easily easily concentrate on more than one thing at a time so I would have to get his attention first and then tell him what I wanted to say. If he didn't put his phone down then, to listen to me, he would BU.

tumtitum · 18/03/2019 21:59

This drives me crazy too! I also feel like the person in the room should get your full attention and that the person on the phone doesn't expect an immediate response!

Walkingdeadfangirl · 18/03/2019 22:02

You should have waited until he had finished writing his message, then made eye contact. Not everyone can multi task.

Joebloggswazere · 18/03/2019 22:03

I think yab a bit u. If he was on a phone call you wouldn’t just start a conversation with him.
His attention at that point was on his WhatsApp conversation, I would find it hard to concentrate on two things at once too.

TwitterQueen1 · 18/03/2019 22:04

OP, I think it's pretty sad that your DH expects you to apologise for actually speaking to him and instead prioritises text messages to other people.

Rojelio maybe you should try booking some time, eg, slot in wife / husband communication - just so it doesn't clash with the very important messages you need to send to extended family. Hmm

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 18/03/2019 22:05

Is it the phone that's the problem? If he'd got his nose stuck in to a gripping crime novel and didn't hear you, would you be just as annoyed? Or concentrating on building a model? Cleaning the car? Or d'you think it might be because he was WhatsApping his friends therefore you think he was prioritising them over you?

I honestly think that the fact that he was already on his phone puts him at less unreasonable. I often have whole conversations by text and to me it's not much different to talking on the phone. If I'm "mid-flow" in a text (or indeed posting on MN 😁) I wouldn't be happy at being expected to interrupt my train of thought unless it was important, iyswim.

pictish · 18/03/2019 22:07

If I’m typing something I have to finish it before I respond. I can’t do both at once. If my dh expected me to just drop it straight away because he is talking, I’d find that quite demanding. I do manage a “hang on...I’m typing something’ now and then but sometimes I don’t make a peep.
Has he got form for being dismissive of you in other ways?

IfOnlyTheyCouldTalk · 18/03/2019 22:08

I think he could acknowledge what you've said even if he were to say "sorry love I'm just in the middle of a what's app chat I'll be two minutes." He's not wrong to be texting but it's rude to just point blank ignore you. Are you supposed to remain completely silent whenever he's on his phone and vice versa?

Heismyopendoor · 18/03/2019 22:09

He was rude. He could have said, give me a second, just a minute to finish typing this, etc.

Wait until he finished his message and then made eye contact? What if he didn’t look up from his phone for the next hour. Was op just meant to sit and stare at him for the next hour or however long in he hope that he will look in her direction? Weird.

arethereanyleftatall · 18/03/2019 22:12

Yanbu. I am technically 'doing something on my phone' all night, after dc in bed until bedtime, as my down time. All put-downable. if dh couldn't interrupt, we'd never talk!

Original poster
Rudest · 18/03/2019 22:30

Some mixed opinions then. For the PP that asked if it was the phone, yes I suppose it is the fact that he’s got his head stuck in the phone, not so much because he’s texting another person but because he does spend a lot of time looking at his phone! As most of us do, including myself at times although I’m working on that.

OP posts:
Purplelion · 19/03/2019 06:35

It’s one message, the OP didn’t say he was ignoring her and glued to his phone,
If he’s sending ONE message I don’t think
He’s being rude waiting until he’s finished. My OH can’t concentrate if someone talks to me when he’s sending a message, especially a message related to work.

HarrysOwl · 19/03/2019 06:37

A bit of both; you can see he's distracted so it's not rude he didn't hear you, but he shouldn't prioritise his phone over talking to a real life person next to him.

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