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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be worried for my daughter- re boobs!

78 replies

Silverschool321 · 18/03/2019 14:15

My dd is 12 and is very tall and naturally slim. She has a great figure and is lovely. However she is getting upset as she says she is the only girl in her class without boobs. She goes to a mixed school and some of the bastard boys have teased her about it. She started her periods last month but still only has very slight breast buds that she's had for over a year. Does anyone think she will develop now her periods have started? Did anyone else develop late even though they'd started periods? Worried for her she has such a beautiful little figure but all she cares about is fitting in

OP posts:

ukgift2016 · 18/03/2019 15:11

Surely you need to be talking to the school? They are body shaming your daughter.

Imagine if at work men were making comments about your breast size. Completely unacceptable.

WellTidy · 18/03/2019 15:14

I'm not saying you would but please don't say things like "they will grow eventually" because, to be honest, you don't know whether she will grow boobs or not. She might not.

I have a very small chest, wore a 32A for years until I'd had children and now I am a 32C, but still look very flat chested.

It doesn't bother me in the slightest. It did though, between the ages of about 12 and 15. Everyone on my mum's side of the family had very big boobs, and everyone on my dad's side of the family have pretty big boobs. I was surrounded by bloody boobs and had none of my own. My mum kept saying they would grow but they never did and I was teased mercilessly by boys at school. It always annoyed me hugely that it was impossible to tell how big a boy's dick was but they could tell the size of all the girls' boobs.

strivingtosucceed · 18/03/2019 15:14

I was a 30 C at 13, which is when I started my period. At 26 i'm now a GG and have been since about 21. So yes, we keep growing whether big or small

bsc · 18/03/2019 15:19

Great ideas from tixielix. My response would mainly involve a withering state, but she has to be able to pull that off.

bsc · 18/03/2019 15:20

Oops, withering stare

AngelsWithSilverWings · 18/03/2019 15:24

My periods started at 14 and I was teased for having no boobs until I was 16. Then they developed almost overnight and I had to put up with a 34g bust until my breast reduction when I was 45.

Hotterthanahotthing · 18/03/2019 15:24

Kiera knightly is flat chested and it hasn't harmed her ambitions.

Plurabelle · 18/03/2019 15:32

My dd is 12 and is very tall and naturally slim. She has a great figure...

Why do we all - boys, mothers, whatever - rate our female children in terms of their appearance?

Original poster

Silverschool321 · 18/03/2019 15:33

Thanks so much for all your lovely replies. I've got average boobs but my mum is very flat chested so it's a possibility there won't be much more growth but hopefully she will love her body no matter what. It's parents evening soon so I will bring it up and see if they can give a whole class talk about how everyone is different shapes and sizes

OP posts:

pootyisabadcat · 18/03/2019 15:34

They might not grow much. DD's didn't. I'm very voluptuous myself. So focusing on body confidence is far more important that telling her she'll 'fill out' or anecdotes about 'late bloomers'.

VanGoghsDog · 18/03/2019 15:34

I was skinny and flat chested into adolescence.

Teased, but that's life.

B cup in my twenties, C cup in my thirties (no kids), D/DD in forties and now a 34E at 50.

burgundyjumper · 18/03/2019 15:36

I really don't think a padded bra is a good idea

I do.

I too was very tall and slim with absolutely no boobs throughout my teens and the embarassment and humiliation was almost unbearable. If a lightly padded bra goes even some way towards helping her self-esteem and put an end to her being teased bullied about it, then that's the best way forward IMHO.

namechangexoxo · 18/03/2019 15:39

I went through this and tbh it was awful. Got lots of 'two backs' comments, thanks to Star Wars 'Tubaka' was a common nickname. I suppose it helped me grow a thick skin but it was awful.

I have still got very small boobs (at nearly 40!) I have almost gone for a boob job countless times but surgery frightens me so never gone through with it. I now wear gel filled, push up bras and have done since they came about in the late 90's I think, I used fillets but they'd often move around and occasionally plopped out . It was awful having boyfriends and thinking they'd be disgusted, imo this is mainly why I've always ended up with loser boyfriends because it really was a confidence extinguisher and I didn't think boys/men doing well would give me a second look.

When I was 15 I was put on the pill as that can help some people, the doctor told me. I had evening primrose too, as that was also suggested, I'd massage and even talk to my bust!! Alas, nothing worked. Whilst pregnant I had a 'normal' sized bust, and I was terrified of having a daughter for fear she would go through the same thing!

I'm not sure what you can do to help your daughter, and I'm sorry she's going through this. The best thing I could say is that it's probably best to 'own' it rather than hide and shrink away. I wish I'd had the confidence to call myself Tubaka as a eff you to all those name calling arseholes!!

crosstalk · 18/03/2019 15:47

burgundy but what sort of lesson does that teach?That if numpties criticise you you have to believe them and conform to what they fancy? in whatever way?

OP good for you on going to the school - you don't have to name names if your DD would prefer you not to, but there's no reason they shouldn't start ramming home lessons these boys haven't taken on board.

Bibijayne · 18/03/2019 15:49

I had the opposite issue. My boobs turned up at 12 and I was horribly bullied and harassed by boys in my school.

Tell her that she is beautiful as she is. But also tell her she shouldn't have to put up with misogynistic bullying. Go with her and report it the school of you can.

NottonightJosepheen · 18/03/2019 15:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Peakypolly · 18/03/2019 15:50

My norks appeared overnight at around 15. I went from zero to 36G over half term.
It was so remarkable, that my nickname at school became ‘Playdoh’ because everyone assumed I had stuffed something into my bra for it to happen so suddenly.
I must say the girls were far more judgmental than the boys.
My generous boobage has always remained the same since, and I see them as my best (visual) asset.

LyndzB · 18/03/2019 15:54

I developed early and have always had large breasts even when I was thin. Boys made fun of me then. Boys made fun of girls with flat chests, big breasts, a 'normal' sized chest.

We need to teach boys not to reduce women to their body parts. We need to stop worrying about how to make our daughters fit in.

I realise this doesn't help you op, it just irritates me that nothing ever changes.

BigButtonsOnMyPhone · 18/03/2019 15:56

Kids will always be teased about something by someone. The answer is to give your DD the skills to deal with it, not to get her to modify her behaviour to avoid attention.
By all means, let her wear padded bras, but she could end up being teased about that too.

Put together some well crafted put-downs, get her to practice them at home, saying them out loud. Have a laugh doing it. And then next time, she will be able to come out with a smart response in a flash.

newtlover · 18/03/2019 16:00

this is all so sad
OP your DD's school need to be protecting her (and other girl pupils, there is no way she is the only one these boys are bullying)
but we all need to stop valuing ourselves and each other because of the shape of our bodies!!!
As many PPs have said there are pros/cons to all shapes and sizes, and what one person likes, another doesn't. If you have a healthy body to carry you through the world be grateful.

namechangexoxo · 18/03/2019 16:00

@NottonightJosepheen thank you, unfortunately that mindset passed me by and I've never had a truly good and healthy relationship with a man and honestly I do put it mainly down to feeling not womanly enough to keep a good man interested, a self preservation thing I'm guessing that at least it wouldn't be much of a loss if a loser left me thankfully I'm single now and happy!

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 18/03/2019 16:02

You know what girls cannot win

They will get teased whatever the status

So she is better off developing some savage comebacks to the
Little fuckers

I won’t share my examples

blubberball · 18/03/2019 16:23

I remember wanting boobs at that age, stuffing tennis balls down my top and looking in the mirror. This was when Jordan/Katie Price was a big deal, and boobs seemed to be every where. I developed more aged around 16.

Definitely develop her self confidence. Women like Kiera Knightly and Emma Watson. Report the bullies.

ErickBroch · 18/03/2019 16:27

This was common at my school no matter what breast size you had. I was an A cup till I was 18 and almost overnight became a DD/E

burgundyjumper · 18/03/2019 16:28

crosstalk this ins't about teaching anyone the lesson that you have to conform to fit in. This is about making the dc feel better in herself in the short term. 12 is an awful stage, and many of them are incredibly self-conscious. Not only about this issue but many other things besides. Some people will never develop a thick enough skin or the self-confidence needed to tell bullies to fuck off.

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