Too crass to talk about money for wedding?

[letsstarttheweddingplanning]

It's about time we started planning our wedding. I have no idea where to start.

I don't really want a wedding wedding, but the more I look into everything the more weddingy it becomes.

Anyway if talking money isn't too crass can I ask opinions on what cost we should be looking at for 50 day guests (canapés/welcome drink/3 course meal/evening snack etc) and then another 30 guests for the evening do (welcome drink/evening snack/cheese board)

Booze wise we want to cover wine for the table and corkage for craft ales and Prosecco.

Small wedding party.

Also, the venue we like requires exclusivity - so we book out all bedrooms and then guests pay for their room and money comes off the total bill for us. We have been to several weddings when this has been the case and have been happy to pay for room as would have wanted to stay over, however now the shoe is ok the other foot I feel cheeky assuming our guests will effectively get the total spend down for us.

Any thoughts welcome!

We got married at the start of Feb right after the January payday, plus I wasn't sweating in my dress

You could do what we did and hire a huge AirBNB. We had food at the nicest restaurant we could find (10 minutes walk). Guests stayed at the AirBNB and came round for drinks the night before and after the wedding. It had an infitiyy pool and jacuzzi which was fun.

Don’t be afraid to haggle with the venue. Friends told venue it was their favourite but out of their price range. How could they make it cheaper? Venue suggested a less popular date and the couple were happy to do away with some of the ‘prissy’ decorations that no one would have noticed anyway. Choice of wines and food can vary enormously too. Couple are subsidising the cost of rooms which are stunning, and only asking £120 for each double room which includes breakfast the following morning. They can provide a few put up beds for children for a little extra. For many people this is a good alternative to a taxi home and means they can extend the celebrations the next day.

Good luck with your planning. Negotiate where you can and you will get what you want at a price you can afford.

Sounds good. If you get hotel bookings you can use the money to pay for a band

I definately agree with the posters who said haggle with the venue especially as your wedding is in February. I managed to the low season weekday price for a Saturday and several extras I would have otherwise had to pay for. My venue was a lovely stately home close to my hometown. I spent 7k on mine but made various small cutbacks that really added up, for example I brought a sample dress and didn't hire cars, presumably out of your 50 guests there must be someone with a moderately nice car you can stick a ribbon on, I went in a classic jag.

It's a case of how long is a piece of string! Once you have sorted the venue and added the fixed costs for actually getting married the rest is flexible, wedding dresses (new) can cost a couple of hundred pounds or 100x that, you can buy lovely bridesmaids dresses off Amazon (I recommend ever pretty, we use them for eveningwear) and get them hemmed by a willing friend/local dressmaker or buy them from a bridal shop for 10x the cost. Rather than have matching suits why not wear ones they already own or stick to off the shelf and buy.

I might be unusual in saying that I prefer to stay at the hotel! Can you check with your potential out of town guests and get a feeling for the likelihood of them wanting to stay at the hotel, also check with the venue if guests can book for two nights if they wish - we always choose that option even in the next city, makes a weekend of it. That all said, I like the tradition of a proper church wedding myself, it's about £600 all in (I work for a church)

It is a minefield.
I don’t think it really matters if it’s 5k or 50k. It should be the marriage that’s important. If you know how much you have to spend you can decide your priorities accordingly. I’d strongly advise not borrowing for a party. Even a wedding reception. A village hall with sausage rolls and crisps can be just as memorable as a grand stately home.
For my daughters next year we’re having exclusive use for the weekend so we can host rehearsal supper, accommodate key family members and have open time for the reception to be put together. The accommodation has 18 rooms so we’ll pay for grandparents but others will probably pay for themselves- grooms close family etc. The room cost is taken off the minimum £15k spend, so if others don’t book rooms we haven’t really lost much. We might take a room ourselves for changing etc.
The website will list other accommodation at varying costs plus neighbours are happy to accommodate some. So it’s complex but we’re not sorting all accommodation for all guests. Well run vintage buses from a couple of mid range hotels, picking up from a glamping site set up for the weekend and that will do.
Definitely haggle. Haggle about everything. You can knock hundreds off some things. Definitely dispense with some things that aren’t essential. Only do buttonholes for grooms party, do cheap save the dates, do your own makeup and get mobile hairdresser to come to the house etc. Get a Marks and Spencer’s wedding cake rather than choccywocckydoodah with a personalised topper.
Our daughters is definitely a wedding, wedding. Full on church and all the trimmings for a weekend. Guest numbers will be 150-180, after those who cannot make it send apologies. We are t having a separate evening list. Everyone will be invited to the whole day. We’re putting away the same amount for each of the children and we’re thinking it’s likely to be a significant amount but It could definitely be done much cheaper and still be lovely; she’s her fathers firstborn princess and he gets huge pleasure from indulging her.

Wow thanks again for the input everyone. Once again you've all been really helpful and have given me a lot to think about.

We have a meeting with the venue next week. So far the deal offered is a Saturday in Jan/Feb. Exclusive hire of the boutique hotel and gardens. The cost is £8000 for 50 day guests. Evening guests £20 extra. The price is for exclusivity of hotel and as I've said we can sell back the rooms (24). Rack rate £150 so we're thinking of asking for £110. Happy to absorb the cost if guests don't want to stay - no pressure on them at all.

With DP's job we'd be very fortunate to be able to grab a last minute offer as he's not in the country a lot. I think this looks like the best way to have a wonderful wedding in the only venue I could ever picture myself getting married in! The venue really means a lot to me and if it's a wedding wedding we are going for then this is where we'd love to have it.