Too crass to talk about money for wedding?

[letsstarttheweddingplanning]

It's about time we started planning our wedding. I have no idea where to start.

I don't really want a wedding wedding, but the more I look into everything the more weddingy it becomes.

Anyway if talking money isn't too crass can I ask opinions on what cost we should be looking at for 50 day guests (canapés/welcome drink/3 course meal/evening snack etc) and then another 30 guests for the evening do (welcome drink/evening snack/cheese board)

Booze wise we want to cover wine for the table and corkage for craft ales and Prosecco.

Small wedding party.

Also, the venue we like requires exclusivity - so we book out all bedrooms and then guests pay for their room and money comes off the total bill for us. We have been to several weddings when this has been the case and have been happy to pay for room as would have wanted to stay over, however now the shoe is ok the other foot I feel cheeky assuming our guests will effectively get the total spend down for us.

Any thoughts welcome!

We had about 65 for the whole day, no separate evening guests and all in our spend was in the region of £12.5k. We splurged on a couple of things (DH’s suit, my hair/makeup person) but also did some things really cheaply (no favours, did our own table decorations).

Hmm I’d be prepared for some backlash OP, MN tends to think everyone should get married in a ditch by the M1 wearing a four year old tracksuit and carrying a bouquet of nettles

@MeteorGarden92 The thing is I do love the venue, it's a small boutique hotel in our village and has always been somewhere where, if I had a wedding wedding, I would want to marry. I'm just going round in circles in my head weighing up the expense of it all. Thanks for the room advice, the venue is local to most of the guests so they may not want to stay, which is fine. I think family would and so some rooms would be booked.

Looking at total spend now it's coming in around £12,000 for everything - however that is relying on £2000 or so guest contribution for the bedrooms.

Thanks again all!

I would be cautious about the room situation as "I’ve known several couples who thought people would want to stay over but then found that for £120-£150 a night, people would rather taxi to the local premier inn/travel lodge 😂 so the couples were stuck with high costs and empty rooms"

Possibly agreeing with Tapas here, but I think couple who do that bring it on themselves by overpricing the rooms. Look at the local market, make it attractive enough to your guests who are already paying for outfits, travel, giving up their weekend etc. Just don't be greedy.

Oops, quotation mark fail!

As the venue is local to most guests I think you could come unstuck in expecting £2k to be covered by contributions from guests.

HM. Since your earlier post the budget's gone up from £10k to £12k and the assumption on guests paying for rooms has gone up from £110x15 to £2k.

These are spiralling quite quickly. Careful OP. Don't take this venue unless you are prepared to spend £14k. Even 15 rooms are a lot to sell and bumping up the price tends to backfire (and is an awful thing to do to your guests.) Most families won't stump up for 2 whole rooms.

Any wedding I've been to, which isn't close to home, I've stayed in the hotel and paid for it. I don't see it as an issue really. People , especially close friends and family, lime to stay in the hotel and don't mind paying.
Don't worry about that at all, no one expects the bride and groom to cover their accommodation costs.
Sounds like a nice number of guests, enjoy your day !

I may be a mumsnet oddity, but I vastly prefer paying two nights in a hotel to schlepping around on the day.

My wedding venue was exclusive, and guests paid £60pp for two nights (three if they wanted, in fact), and it made for such a relaxed weekend (we fed and boozed everyone all weekend for £13k). If you're there the night before, you can drink with friends on the Friday, go for a walk in the morning, get ready and rock up nice and relaxed.

Whereas if you have to travel locally... can't really get anything done because you're getting ready. Barely time to eat. Have to factor in travel time in good time for ceremony. Also planning onwards travel to reception usually. Taxis back are faffy, and even over short distances can be unnecessary.

Late weddings in a semi-distant location are great to me!

@QuietlyQuaffing Yep you are right, miscalculation on my part there.

The rooms will be £110, normal rate is £150 so not overpricing. That's bed and breakfast but I know it's pricy especially as many guests live locally.

I'm talking myself out of this plan now, £14000 is what we need to be prepared to spend as you wise folk have advised - we can't rely on guest rooms cost coming back to us.

I'm being difficult - I want a wedding/don't want a wedding/if we have a 'wedding wedding' both DP and I have hearts on the boutique hotel. However the spend for that venue all in is £14000 which is such a lot of money.

Other option is elope just myself, DP and DC. I'm really close to parents and sibling so wouldn't want them to be disappointed they didn't get to be part of the day - but then again they would be happy for us and it wouldn't cause a rift.

Our wedding venue rooms were really expensive but we didn't have exclusive use of the hotel so didn't need to book any. In the end we had 30 or so guests who stayed in the hotel through choice, 8 of my family hired a nearby Lodge and we had friends staying in hotels half a mile away.

Just a thought. If many of the guests live locally won't they just go home? If I went to a wedding in my town I wouldn't even consider booking a hotel room.

What about a wedding with just parents, grandparents and siblings followed by lunch/dinner? Is that too far the other way and too 'unweddingy'?

say area OP - people might have suggestions?

I wouldn't worry too much about the guest rooms. Personally, unless the wedding's very close to home, dh and I would always want to stay over, preferably at the venue, if cost is reasonable.

We're going to one in June where there's nowhere to stay at or very near the venue, so that means paying for a hotel elsewhere plus taxi fares both ways - unless one of us is going to stick to one miserable glass of fizz for the duration.
Would much prefer a room at the venue.

Is there a reason it's this or elope? I'm not saying don't elope btw, that would be fine.

@Sitdownstandup DP and I have spoke about a smaller wedding, like @SilverySurfer suggested. To be blunt, the idea of parents/siblings only doesn't appeal - my side of the family is small whereas DP's parents have been divorced for years so both have new partners and offspring. DP isn't very close to his DM and she can be difficult so being in such a small gathering has the potential to be tense and not enjoyable for DP.

Friends wise, DP and I have joint friendships with couples and so choosing one/two friends each for a smaller wedding wouldn't work.

Thanks again for all the advice, I feel like I'm in pre-wedding planning therapy!

Ok. I was thinking more, must it be this venue? If most of your guests are local, there isn't going to be much interest in the rooms so that's effectively building in a couple of grand right there that you might not get with somewhere else.

Or alternatively, this venue but would you do a buffet rather than a three course sit down? Food tends to be the biggest spend and as three course table service requires more staff, there can be a big difference in cost. Is the corkage a necessity or could you have a cash bar? Some people prefer having drinks provided, others would rather pay for their own and be able to choose what they want instead of being restricted. I'm not sure welcome drinks are a necessity for evening guests either, because unlike those attending the reception they all tend to arrive at different times. Organisationally it's more difficult. I've always just gone straight to the bar as an evening guest.

It may well be that you could get something like what you describe for 10k but with a couple of compromises.

The venue we like requires exclusivity - so we book out all bedrooms and then guests pay for their room and money comes off the total bill for us. I feel cheeky assuming our guests will effectively get the total spend down for us

TBH I think you're right; guests may well be less than happy about subsidising your wedding, and the rooms being "cheaper than the £150 rack rate" doesn't really wash since hotels often don't charge the full amount (unless to weekday business users, and it doesn't sound like that type of place)

All too often the exclusivity thing is just a way to fill rooms the owner knows would otherwise be empty, and it's "heads they win tails you lose" if, realising this, guests make their own arrangements and you find your own bill increasing again

Does this venue absolutely insist on exclusivity? Could you talk to them and say that you know that only 10 rooms, for example, will be required?

Yeah that's a point. If you want to get married in mid summer they'll probably tell you to fuck off, though maybe not if it's for a Friday, but if it's the October or February school holiday you're talking about, they may be more willing to cut a deal?

The hotel definitely requires exclusivity.

This is the only venue that ticks all of the boxes so far - small, quirky, good food, bedrooms (we've thought about going somewhere without accommodation on site, but with DC being a part of the day we don't want him to have to sleep on a chair in the corner when the evening reception starts!)

Will keep looking, and keep reevaluating cost. The guest contribution for rooms really doesn't sit great for anyone!

Could you cover the cost of the rooms bar about £50 per room? Your guests may be more tempted by that. Maybe you could cut any transport costs by having the registrar at the venue? You could scrimp by cutting out wedding favours, cheap invites and minimal flowers. Hair and makeup DIY and hire a dress?

Just for another point of view: we booked a venue where rooms were an option, they were about £120 each. There was no pressure on guests to stay there and a cheaper alternative a 10 min taxi drive away, but lots of people preferred to stay at the venue and it was booked out well in advance.

Honestly, if you have children just go the registry office with them.

Then have a party for friends and family at home that week or later in the year.

£14,000 would pay for a lot of family experiences rather than just 1 day.

With £14k you could take the kids to Disneyland for a fortnight and still have a £10k wedding with the change. My children would much rather that, even if they have to flake out in the corner a bit on the day. Or, £5k wedding, £4k holiday and £5k towards house deposit or mortgage. But we are boring like that.