Too crass to talk about money for wedding?

[letsstarttheweddingplanning]

It's about time we started planning our wedding. I have no idea where to start.

I don't really want a wedding wedding, but the more I look into everything the more weddingy it becomes.

Anyway if talking money isn't too crass can I ask opinions on what cost we should be looking at for 50 day guests (canapés/welcome drink/3 course meal/evening snack etc) and then another 30 guests for the evening do (welcome drink/evening snack/cheese board)

Booze wise we want to cover wine for the table and corkage for craft ales and Prosecco.

Small wedding party.

Also, the venue we like requires exclusivity - so we book out all bedrooms and then guests pay for their room and money comes off the total bill for us. We have been to several weddings when this has been the case and have been happy to pay for room as would have wanted to stay over, however now the shoe is ok the other foot I feel cheeky assuming our guests will effectively get the total spend down for us.

Any thoughts welcome!

Yeah don't bother with wedding favours, the large majority of the time nobody wants them and they just get left or chucked as soon as you go home.

I feel your pain OP. We got engaged in 2011 and still not married because everything is too weddingy and overpriced!

My wedding abroad cost €1000 or about £850
But I paid for my ten family...£4,400 for a 4 star hotel , half board including flights for one week
I gave both families £1k spends
My husband paid for us £2k...but then we were going anyway..so £10k for 25 people... give or take bits and pieces, taxis to airport..wedding clothes

Was fabulous. Sunny beach. 7 pm at night, 28 degrees, surrounded by children and grandchildren and good friends.
That was three and a half years ago and the family still talk about it now.
We had to have a civil ceremony in uk...cost £200 included a meal for me, dh and our 4 witnesses.
It rained on my first wedding, it rained a little on my second one but the third was worth every penny as it never rained at all.

It had been a damp squib of a summer ( we got married mid September) and it was wonderful seeing my grandchildren playing in the pool

Is that something to consider op

We had looked at ahistoric venue in york where we had to have their catering.
That was £5k for 50 guest and we would’ve scrabbled around to have got 50 guests..as you do
Then there would’ve been transport costs on a coach for guests...we live hour and half away
Then evening entertainment..that can be so expensive
Would’ve worn more formal clothes.
You could see the costs just racking up before your eyes and it still could’ve rained

I just did not want another rainy wedding in cold blustery Britain and in that particular summer is probably what I would’ve got

It sounds like you really love the venue and would prefer to have a big (ish) wedding. I would aim to have the venue and guests you really want, and don’t get too sucked in to everything else. Nobody has to have a designer dress, favours, videographer, free bar all night etc. You could serve cake rather than dessert or in the evening instead of a cheeseboard. Do what you can yourself and take family and friends up on offers of help. Eg a family friend baked our cake as our wedding present, I made our invites and table plan (I still have it!), we had a basic photographer package to get the group shots and some of us but asked family to take plenty of the rest of the day. We still spent a lot of money but it all went on things we really wanted and we stuck to our budget. We had 100 in the day with another 60 at night. We splurged on a band we both loved and food because we’re both greedy . We spent £7k (10 years ago)

Well I’ve had three types of wedding.
The big wedding In Church
The little wedding in registry office
The family and friends big holiday bash abroad wedding

Well top of my list was the third one...but I tell you something, there was a lot to be said for the cosy, intimacy of the registry office one.
There was no frills. Not allowed. Was just a little office in the civic centre With a desk and some fake flowers ( ☹️). Two lovely women who performed the ceremony and three close friends who couldn’t make the one abroad and my cousin who did come to the one abroad.

I surprised myself at how lovely it was. (We dressed smartly. I didn’t have flowers but a nice sparkly bag.)
How emotional I felt.
I actually thought I was going to cry...
We could’ve used their bigger venue in the town hall which allowed more guests but of course we declined that one on account of the abroad wedding..

So don’t rule it out op...and then you can use the extra cash for a good party for everyone else and as someone said there’s plenty of money In The budget for a good family holiday.

Re the hotel accommodation...I would be one who would want to go home . I’m old and grumpy and not a fan of hotels . Nothing compares to the peace and calm of my own home and own bed.
Does this hotel insist you buy up every room whether needed or not?
I’ve never heard of that before

Do keep us informed. I love a good wedding plan 😁

I would be surprised if you could do this for £10k.

We got married a year ago on a weekday in January (chosen as cheapest time of year). South East. 100 guests for daytime, with 30 evening guests. Venue hire was £5k - that included the rooms, which we asked guests to pay for (at the rates suggested by the venue) so got £2k back on that. So we paid £3k for the venue.

Catering for canapes, a 3 course meal, and evening bacon butties, was £10k. This was one of the cheaper quotes we got! We provided all the wine and champagne, which cost £1500. No corkage at our venue.

So you're already almost up to £15k there, for a weekday in January, before even considering music, flowers, photographer, and any other stuff.

Providing all alcohol does make things so much more expensive.

We done our entire wedding on 3k. Absolutely everything Inc bridesmaid dresses, my dress, venue, food and drink etc.

We had 50 for the reception during the day and an extra 40 at the evening do.

It is doable on a small budget. Myself and my bridesmaids made a lot of things ourselves decor wise etc.

wanda absolutely could be done, I posted above but our wedding was around £12,000 and that was:

82 guests, no additional evening guests
3 course meal
Drinks reception with canapes
Drink per person for the meal and one per person for the toast
Evening buffet
Room decor including chair covers, table decor, name cards and table plan, outdoor lighting, ceiling decor (we had our own centrepieces so they used theirs around the room)
Outfits
Photographer
Celebrant
Cake and favours (we had bags of tablet as favours)
String quartet
Band
Cariacaturist
Florist
Bus to and from the venue
Rings
M10 form fees

We married on a Saturday in February and had the winter package which included all the room related stuff and the evening buffet for the same price PP as it did for a non winter wedding which didn't include the extras, the only stipulation was a minimum of 60 adults which we had anyway.

OP it's worth checking if your venue do deals outwith the typical wedding dates like ours did. £65pp in summer got you the room hire, drinks and 3 course meal. Whereas for our £65pp we had all the additional extras because it was February

OP, as always I’m going to be really blunt here, the bottom line looks to me as if you’re going to spend £14k on the kind of wedding you started out not wanting. Why? Think about what you do want. The hotel’s taking the piss because the very word wedding makes £ signs come up in their eyes. Don’t indulge them!

Forget wedding, think great party and celebration with all your nearest and dearest. Go to the registry office with your kids. Find a great party venue and have the mother of all shindigs. No favours, no wedding nonsense, just a brilliant time everyone will always remember.

Thanks so much everyone for sharing your experiences and advice. I can't tell you how helpful it is, especially when DP and I keep going round in circles.

The predicted cost is mainly on venue, food and drink. We haven't allocated much at all to things like outfits and we won't be doing favours. The venue is quirky and the decor means that it doesn't need 'dressing' - and simple dressing/candles/chairs etc are included. No wedding band. We have budgeted for photographer.

Venue cost: £4500 (money off this if we do be dreaded room resell)
Food and drink: £90 a head for day/eve (welcome drink, canapés, meal, wine with meal, evening snacks)
£20 head for eve only guest.
We want everyone (day and eve) to have a welcome drink, want to be generous with wine for table and also provide craft ale keg. Evening snacks are a must as I don't want the evening guests to feel they aren't important!

I think I'm even more difficult as the idea of a party used to fill me with dread. We don't have one big group of friends but a few different sets and mainly couple friends. Obviously many of these have met and get on but I had always disliked the idea of a big gathering in case it didn't gel.

The venue does do offers however DP's job means he's not in he country a lot and shifts are booked ahead so we can't be spontaneous and take a last minute offer.

The £90 per head on the food for the day guests is where its racking up. That's a lot.

We had a full nuptial mass in church but on a week day with sit down lunch (not dinner) for about 30. Not too expensive.

Just hav the kind of wedding that works best for you and you can afford. Eg i don't like evening dos as I get tired and like to get to bed so was happy with the traditional wedding "breakfast" at lunch time and nothing later.

@Sitdownstandup Its probably around £80 actually but even then it's a lot. £45 for food, £20 evening snacks, £10 canapés and then welcome drink and wine for table.

Agree with alsohuman. It sounds like you're mainlining to be one of those couples who turn around and say 'well it was a lovely day, but I regret spending all of that money'.

And I am NOT someone who had a particularly budget wedding. For £13k we had the wedding we wanted, which was probably about 75% weddingy-wedding things.

Don't worry about the friends gelling thing. We are the same, for example I had a group of friends I've known since nursery and school and other friends that I'm close too from two jobs. Then we had our families who my friends hadn't met etc. Everyone seemed to get on well.

Even had 4 gatecrashers at the end of the night who I said could stay as long as they danced .

If the cost is spiralling then sit down and decide what your top budget is, absolute top and if things start to breach it you cut those thing or find cheaper alternatives.

We had a different venue and date originally, it was £165pp...yes per PERSON,with a £9000 minimum spend on food, not drinks...just food. 7 months after booking we came to our senses and cancelled, we lost the deposit but it would have been just unbelievably expensive.

We got so caught up in the meeting with the wedding coordinator, who had an absolutely excellent sales pitch. It was a stunning venue but was huge, super modern and we booked a Sunday in July, none of which we originally wanted. So daft.

To be honest I think you’re going to go over your £12k budget looking at those figures. You’re at £9100 just for venue and food.

Yeah £80 per head is still quite high.

Does the venue not have a cash bar? If it does, I would stick to providing a welcome drink for day guests (evening guests will not all turn up at the same time and it seems fiddly and pointless) wine with the meal and toast drink.

Also is there a cheaper meal option than £45 per head? If they do buffets and that's something you're willing to do, I would definitely consider that. I've been to some amazing wedding buffets. We did have a sit down but tbh I might not choose that again.

Frankly, at those prices I'd definitely be looking for another venue unless it absolutely had to be that one. The food rate's already very high, and £4500 for the venue is ridiculous if they're not even having to decorate it, provide a band or whatever

And then they expect you to guarantee their rooms will be full as well, with a penalty if not??

That seems like a lot, ours charged for the food £50 per head but we didn’t have to pay a room hire charge.

Have you tried looking at somewhere that doesn’t usually cater weddings, ours was used much more as a corporate event type place but did weddings on the side, it was still absolutely beautiful and set in gorgeous grounds, the food was excellent too.

Morning all.

I have had a reply from the venue regarding an 'offer' so things are looking less costly!

It's for a date in January or February but on a Saturday.

Would a Jan/Feb wedding be off putting?
And what are people's thought regarding no bands?

I've no issue at all with a January or February Saturday wedding. People are probably less likely to be on holiday then too. If it's a good offer I would be very tempted to go for it.

February would be better. It is a shit month, and people will be skint in January.

Thanks for the input, a February wedding is looking promising.!