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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to ignore someone without confrontation

18 replies

PETRONELLAS · 16/03/2019 18:24

Bitch of a school mum has been badmouthing me to some other mums. I’ve been sent screenshots of the texts. My DS didn’t want to invite hers to his party so I didn’t make him. I want to just ignore her like she doesn’t exist. I don’t want to have it out with her but know she’s going to come and ask me if everything is okay. I want a couple of one liners to just get the message across without explaining anything. Kind of ‘I’m marie kondo-ing’ my friends and you spark no joy you bitch’. Any ideas?

OP posts:
Divgirl2 · 16/03/2019 18:25

Just tell her your son didn't want to invite hers? You don't need snappy one liners, life isn't a sitcom.

TowelNumber42 · 16/03/2019 18:26

Have a print out of a screenshot in your pocket. Take it out show her wordlessly and walk off.

Or just say "I'm fine." Then walk off.

Limensoda · 16/03/2019 18:27

You sound as bad as her. Whoever sent you screenshots is as bad as her.
You all have children and should grow up.

Chimchar · 16/03/2019 18:27

If she confronts you just tell her that she's seen the things she's said about you and you figured that she'd be happier if you weren't friends.

You've done nothing wrong.
I hope it works out ok x

Chottie · 16/03/2019 18:30

Her: Is everything ok?

You: Yes, of course (with bright smile)

Do not give her ammunition. Do you really want your DCs to see and hear anything else? Delete all the screen shots you have been sent. Ignore her and move on.......

Starface · 16/03/2019 18:30

If she says "Everything ok?" Just say "Yes thanks" and go get on with your life. Don't be rude, don't make small talk. You don't need to smile, but also no need to be very harsh in your tone. She'll get the message. Be greater than the haters and don't give her anymore headspace.

Or alternatively, find a one liner and be just as petty as her. Your choice.

Original poster
PETRONELLAS · 16/03/2019 18:31

Thanks for the advice. Appreciate the replies. Limensoda are you her? I’m grateful for the screenshots otherwise I’d still be all jolly and nice and she is vile!

OP posts:
Limensoda · 16/03/2019 18:42

Limensoda are you her?

No. Grin Grin
I avoid getting involved with school mums....

HomeMadeMadness · 16/03/2019 18:45

It really depends if you only excluded a small number of children out of the entire class or friendship group then you have to accept you will have upset people. You do sound a bit like you're as bad as her. Why not take the high road instead of silly one liners and encouraging screenshots of texts.

TidyDancer · 16/03/2019 18:50

What you should do depends on two things: firstly what the texts say, and secondly whether her DS was the only one excluded.

Badmouthing is quite a generalised description, she could've been venting some minor upset at her DS being excluded or she could've been calling you an evil fucking bitch. Hopefully not the latter obviously, but there's clearly a difference.

And if her DS was the only one left out then I'm not surprised she's said something, on the other hand if your DS only invited a few friends from a class of 30 then she's taking it too personally.

ahtellthee · 16/03/2019 18:53

Oh honestly. HmmConfused

I had this recently when I didn't invite someone to MY birthday party (yes, adults!)

I messaged her after the event, nicely, by saying that I had heard that she had felt sad about it. She immediately wanted to know who said it, I refused to give her the names and said that respectfully, this issue wasn't who told me, but more to make sure that there was no bad feeling between us two.

She took the chance to let me know why she felt it was unfair that I hadn't included her, (fair enough) and I replied with 'due to logistics, we couldn't invite everyone we knew'. I didn't apologize nor did I explain why I decided not to include her personally.

There is no need to create further drama or bad feeling. She's behaving badly out of hurt feelings, and you can manage your response accordingly, but please do it kindly. It will show who is the more mature/nice person in the long run. Don't stoop to her level.

Idonotlikeyoudonaldtrump · 16/03/2019 21:38

Did you not think that your friend might be hurt to discover she is B list, ahtellthee ? Adult or not, that’s very harsh for her to discover that it wasn’t important to you to have her there and that she’s not as close as she thought.

Happened to me. A good friend (I thought)’s fortieth. I’m still hurt.

ahtellthee · 17/03/2019 06:56

@Idonotlikeyoudonaldtrump of course I can appreciate that her feelings are hurt. I have felt that way before but never made a drama out of it because you can't expect to be invited to everything. And given that I see her maybe once a year in person (at group activities usually organised by others) and we rarely interact beyond Facebook, I don't consider her to be a close friend. I invited all my close friends. What I didn't do was invite everyone that I know. There's the difference.

Mouikey · 17/03/2019 08:28

Perpetuating this ridiculous playground politics, by trying to have a ‘come back’ will make you look foolish and suggest to your DS that you are equally as vile as the other person. Great lesson in dealing with bullies (not).

Here you have choices: 1 - I’m fine thank you for asking, and then move on with your day/life. No drama.
2 - the witty response, feeding the drama and enabling it to continue needlessly.
3 - tell her why, calmly and like an adult. And leave it with her. But this only works if you didn’t respond to your friends and badmouth her back on text (not sure why, but I have a feeling you might have).

3 only works if you have acted angelically (otherwise it will come back to bite you), if not 1 all the way.

Please. Whilst you may be waiting in the playground for your DS, don’t revert to the behaviours typically demonstrated there once you are an adult.

Original poster
PETRONELLAS · 17/03/2019 14:07

Ha ha got to love MN. I play the game don’t worry. I’m asking for one liners so that I don’t have to get into a dialogue. I’ve a legal background: I never put anything in writing that could be misconstrued. I didn’t ask for the screenshots but the comments are very unpleasant. My DS invited half the class.

OP posts:
sagradafamiliar · 17/03/2019 15:20

For the love of all things dear to you, do not try the one-liner thing. This is life, not a sitcom. It won't play out the way you think it will: she'll either say something back, detracting from your mic-drop moment, or laugh in your face. Like PPs have said, just be bright and breezy. She's the one with the problem, not you.

YouTheCat · 17/03/2019 15:27

I'd just blank her. If she comes to you asking why her ds wasn't invited just say numbers were limited and walk off.

I know someone like this and I just don't engage more than a civil 'hello'. I don't want to chat with them after their past behaviour.

Dutch1e · 17/03/2019 18:01

I'd be more upset with whoever sent screenshots. It was incredibly inappropriate of them to spread a private conversation - if they were really so concerned they could have replied to her "it's not ok to speak like this about Petronellas, let's drop it" and never mentioned a word to you.

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