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AIBU?

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Original poster

Have I been violated!?

80 replies

WasThisWrongOrOk · 16/03/2019 18:13

So! Help me out here! I'm feeling weird!!
I had a back massage today! Was really looking forward to it but I'm a prude and really new to massages, so also a bit apprehensive. I had a back massage a few years ago and kept my jeans on and the therapist spent most of the time massaging knots in my shoulders, as well as massaging the rest of my back. I thought today would be the same, but I was asked to strip except undies and then the therapist pulled my underwear down and spent a lot of the time massaging my bum!!

Is this nornal? It felt weird and I spent most of the massage session paralysed with confusion and dear and wondering if I was being violated or if I'm just really naive and that this is what happens in back massages!!

Please can you let me know if this is normal or not!! I don't know what to think and because of past incidents I know I am a bit more sensitive to nudity and being touched etc.. than others, so maybe this is normal? And reaction is not.

Help!!!

(PS. I'm in my 30s so old enough to know if I was violated or not - but I just don't know! And feel really freaked out!!)

OP posts:
Miljah · 16/03/2019 19:38

I'd steer away from terms like 'violated', unless you really feel that? Maybe you do.

Sounds to me that the masseuse wasn't sensitive to the idea that some people have more body-limits than others.

Remember that massage isn't a HCPC regulated industry, so sometimes you need to set boundaries to the masseuse, but also maybe they should check first.

Miljah · 16/03/2019 19:41

And I recall my boobs being roundly massaged in dual circular motion, as was my friend, in a hammam in Morocco in 1984 (on a 18-30 holiday; we were 22) with henna'y stuff by two very rotund, middle aged, local ladies as we all laughed our heads off!

PeanuttyButter · 16/03/2019 19:41

I've had the top of my buttocks massaged when having a back massaged. Like others have said, an inch or two of crack is normal imo

ThunderStorms · 16/03/2019 19:42

The glutes are a massive muscle. Yes I would expected them to be massaged as part of a deep tissue massage.

werideatdawn · 16/03/2019 19:47

Full on deja vu with this post!

user1480880826 · 16/03/2019 19:51

I’ve had a few full body massages and have never had my bum massaged!

ShawshanksRedemption · 16/03/2019 20:41

Top of buttocks/lower back - yes.

The whole of my bum - no.

Original poster
WasThisWrongOrOk · 16/03/2019 21:19

Sorry for not coming back sooner. Thanks for all the replies! Good to know it's not completely unusual! She pulled underwear down to reveal all my bottom! So I felt quite (very) exposed. She spent ages massaging me down there too. I should've said something but I was so taken aback, plus I literally have no clue what's normal or not in terms of massage and I am so so shy about bodies that I just felt I'd seem weird if I said anything! I think perhaps, given your responses, it was almost within normal limits, but she should probably have asked me first/discussed with me without ploughing right in there!!! I would have liked a bit more actual massaging of my back too! Rather than focus on bum!! Feeling less freaked out by it now! Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
WasThisWrongOrOk · 16/03/2019 21:26

It wasn't a deep tissue massage! Or any sport type thing!! It was a spa type thing for special occasion!

OP posts:
ThunderStorms · 16/03/2019 21:28

I would have said top/ sides of bum ok, but crack and bottom of the bottom, no.

But the masseuse has always asked permission to do it and everything not being worked on is covered.

I have lower back troubles, though.

2birds1stone · 16/03/2019 21:34

Op your update makes it sound like she went too far.... I have never had my whole bottom revealed or top. Literally just the top so a few cm of the crack so they could get to lower muscles.

Unless this is a reverse and you are trying to work out how much of people's arses you can get away with revealing and touching... although some people's arses I wouldn't recommend doing this.... some things you can't unsee

OneStepSideways · 16/03/2019 21:35

Sounds normal for a back massage, maybe you had a lot of tension in your glutes?

Most back massages I've had involved exposed bottom but they did cover me with a towel when moving on.

In India she massaged my boobs too! She was very matter of fact about it so it wasn't awkward.

Namechanger4dis · 16/03/2019 21:38

Completely normal. I’ve had back massages and been to the chiropractor and have always been massages to right on the bum with knickers pulled down a couple of inches. I have also had full body massages where they do bum cheeks too

Omzlas · 16/03/2019 21:39

I get pain in my hips and a common cause is tension / knots in hour gluteus so I'd say normal. As long as they asked first. Mine usually uses her elbow through my trousers though.....

ThunderStorms · 16/03/2019 21:47

Ok - what type of salon?

I’ve only ever gone for sports massage places - relaxing, but quite clinical.

It does sound rather extreme. I wonder if someone primarily used to waxing intimate areas and such treatments, but less used to massage might approach it differently to someone trained primarily in massage? (Clutching at straws)

Littlechocola · 16/03/2019 21:53

Whole bum- no
Top of bum-yes

Tumilnaughts · 16/03/2019 22:15

I've had a whole bum massage. They don't necessarily ask before they do it. Why would they? If you were uncomfortable you should have said something though.

PCohle · 16/03/2019 23:16

Very normal in my experience - great for lower back pain /sciatica.

But obviously a massage is meant to be relaxing and enjoyable. You can absolutely speak up at the time and tell the massage therapist that you'd prefer if they skipped the area!

TatianaLarina · 16/03/2019 23:20

If she focused on your bum maybe the muscles were tight? If they’re tight there it can affect your hips, lower back and legs.

DontCallMeShitley · 16/03/2019 23:25

It is normal to massage the buttocks. I trained in massage and aromatherapy and the procedure is to leave the underwear on and pull down at the back, work across the muscles on each side. Towels were used to cover the parts of the body that are not being worked on.

At the front it is also normal to work very lightly over the bladder area, to avoid discomfort if the bladder is full, pulling down underwear if it is in the way, but not right down, and to avoid the breasts, working in between them but not massaging them, or if there are no breasts (male body), avoid the nipples.

If you only ask for a back massage then there is no need to remove all clothing.

DontCallMeShitley · 16/03/2019 23:30

Just to add, I am ITEC qualified and that is how we were taught. Have had massages at various places and sometimes they pull underwear down, sometimes not. It varies. Next time just tell them first that you don't want your buttocks massaged.

Purpleartichoke · 17/03/2019 00:05

Normal to be massaged there. I don’t even bother wearing underwear personally, but I’m strangely relaxed about massages. I want that butt rub because I gave low back pain and that means getting down pretty far.

If it made you uncomfortable, then it isn’t ok. You and the therapist need to communicate. It is perfectly fine to ask that a massage stop at the waist.

Mookie81 · 17/03/2019 00:13

werideatdawn I was thinking the same!
I'm think I'm the OP you're referring to Grin

steff13 · 17/03/2019 03:59

I had my first ever massage yesterday. It was a Swedish massage. Before she started there was a chart on the wall where she circled all the places I said it was ok to massage. I have some hip pain, so I told her my glutes were ok, but I left my underwear on, so she massaged my hips and glutes through my underwear. She spent a really long time in my calves, which seemed weird, but at the end she told me I had a lot of tension in my legs.

dreaming174 · 17/03/2019 04:28

In the country i live in they pull the pants round down to the bottom of the bum and massage. Strange at first but now I enjoy it!