Have I been violated!?

[WasThisWrongOrOk]

So! Help me out here! I'm feeling weird!!
I had a back massage today! Was really looking forward to it but I'm a prude and really new to massages, so also a bit apprehensive. I had a back massage a few years ago and kept my jeans on and the therapist spent most of the time massaging knots in my shoulders, as well as massaging the rest of my back. I thought today would be the same, but I was asked to strip except undies and then the therapist pulled my underwear down and spent a lot of the time massaging my bum!!

Is this nornal? It felt weird and I spent most of the massage session paralysed with confusion and dear and wondering if I was being violated or if I'm just really naive and that this is what happens in back massages!!

Please can you let me know if this is normal or not!! I don't know what to think and because of past incidents I know I am a bit more sensitive to nudity and being touched etc.. than others, so maybe this is normal? And reaction is not.

Help!!!

(PS. I'm in my 30s so old enough to know if I was violated or not - but I just don't know! And feel really freaked out!!)

Pretty normal if they are doing a good job. Lower back pain is more usually caused by tight or stiff glute muscles than problems with your lower back muscles iyswim. Depends on the place - ‘spa’ type places are often very light touch and don’t do much - a proper sports or therapeutic massage place will be much more thorough.

Normal imo.

When giving a massage, I normally tuck a small amount of bed roll or the top of the towel, into the waistband and slide them down a couple of inches. Then, when massaging the lower back I will also do the top of the buttocks, but no further, unless it's a full body.

@op. I think you should have said you didn't want that personal a massage.

Doesn't sound normal. Did they actually touch your buttocks? For a back massage, you should expect them to massage your lower back, so above your bum. It's not right of them to massage your bum unless you discussed it first.

OP you might want to come back when you're done and confirm what happened.

It'd be really odd for the therapist to not see you were uncomfortable

Sounds relatively normal practice (aside from any forthcoming further context). Just to address one of first posters though, why does the sex of the therapist matter here?

I studied massage at college for fun a few years ago, whole bum is not usual for a back massage, top of bum/lower back is normal.

Interestingly, I had a full body massage in Turkey last year, they really did mean full body!

did they ask if you wanted a happy finish

I've had hundred of massages at hundred of hotels/spas and it tos totally normal in western Europe/US to expose a couple of inches of bum crack.

In Asia/Eastern Europe you can expect full on buttock massaging.

In future if you don't like then you can ask for them to avoid an area and it's fine not to like something but you haven't been deliberately violated.

Was it a proper massage person or someone who does massage and everything else sex wise? I've known quite a few working women who advertise massage and its nothing of the sort.

It does sound normal, if not pulled down loads but as a new client, they should have asked

Normal, I had in NYC donkey’s years ago. She did a full bum massage and told me I carry all my stress in my arse It does explain the size of it then!

Weird would be like my friends massage in Thailand on her honeymoon, they did a boob massage. She laughed, I was a bit

Totally normal. The right side of my bum gets really sore.

Normal.

It’s normal (ime) to massage a bit of your bum, as part of back or full body massage.

When you say they spent most of their time massaging your bum, do you mean 25 mins out of a 30 min massage ? Or was it about the same as everywhere else ?

This sounds very normal if it’s a full body massage to me. I have them regularly. They don’t do the whole bum but they do pull your pants down a bit at the top to get right to the the base of your spine and the top of your bum and hips.

Normal to me too. I had a full body massage at a naice spa 2 weeks ago and when she was doing my back the rolled down my knickers and massaged the top of my bum cheeks.

If you weren’t comfortable - whether it’s normal practice or not - then you should have said; they’re not mind readers.

the = she

Totally normal in my experience. Your spine goes down that far, a lot of tension is carried in the lower back/coccyx area and at the end of the day your bum is just another muscle.

Personally my problem has always been the massive side-boob I have going on when I lay down and having them accidentally brushed the whole way through. I HOPE that's also normal!

I've had this in a full body massage, I have tight hip flexors and lower back gets very stiff too, so I find it helpful, also had it done by physios and acupuncturists but usually they ask first or it's understood as I've told them where the stiffness/pain is located.

Very normal.

I’ve had hundreds of massages and this is normal for me. In fact I’m actually disappointed when the don’t do it.
But if you’re uncomfortable with it then you are uncomfortable with it. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks so you really should work on voicing your opinion during the massage

Sounds normal to me.

I think if there was a massive concentration on my buttocks I would be a bit ermm... tickled. But hips and near the coccyx would be fine.
I remember having treatment from a physio who was a bit ahem 'excited' by my back. Which he said was lovely. ( It's just a normal non spotty smooth back , normal that is, except for from slipped disks!)
That was a bit weird. I am a bit funny about being manhandled since then so I would probably put up with it and not go back.