grants-search.turn2us.org.uk/
Put in your postcode and see what comes up. Also google your area X white goods X grants or charity and see what you may find nationally.
Your two most pressing concerns are the roof and the washing machine, but the washing machine I would say is easier and quicker to resolve. If you have to, and I’d never suggest anything to get someone into debt really but if your credit is ok and you can find something interest free somewhere then I would consider that. Life without a washing machine is infinitely harder than life with one. I literally keep £500 in a separate account and have done for years in fear of the washing machine dying.
Re: family support, I can totally understand why it upsets and frustrates you. It takes a long time, maybe some people’s entire lifetimes, to accept the lack of a sense of family. I do find, in my experience, that with a lack of family you have to start changing your expectations for your own sake, and also opening your mind to the idea of friends helping etc. I used to always turn down people’s offers to have the kids to give me a break, and no family were around/offering, but I thought it was something friends shouldn’t have to do, that family I would say yes to. Thing is, Family offering to help was something I was lacking, and I had to understand that my friends were offering because they were happy to do it. My kids are sweet and good, they’re not a nightmare for anyone to watch for a few hours - so I occasionally said yes! Once you start getting mentally on top of things, you can reciprocate. I really hope there are some kind people in your life that you could consider accepting help from. Your family aren’t going to change, you can mourn the loss of the idea of a lovely supportive family, I know I have done, but you must shake off the hope and expectation of it. I know that sounds harsh but it does you no good, I promise.
You haven’t said, but have you pursued all avenues with your ex for maintenance? Or not because you don’t want contact?
Is the kitchen roof a low level one story extension? Is there even a kindly neighbour or any friend at all that could help with pulling a massive sheet of plastic over it? Someone you wouldn’t dream of asking, because you don’t like to ask, but realistically would be happy to help? Not ideal but will stop the drips and further damage as it would on say a building site.
We’ve lived in some absolute shockers, mostly because we’ve only ever been able to afford doer-uppers, never anything that’s actually just done. I totally understand that deeply depressing feeling when it’s all chaos and water is coming through and it feels cold and damp and you’ve got kids looking up at you like you’re something from Angela’s Ashes. It all encroaches on your day to day things to do and general enjoyment of life. The anger sometimes towards builders, for me, has been all-consuming! OP I think if nothing else, keep coming back to the thread and work through your feelings and let off steam.