To think DH and I will never get a night to ourselves??

[TipTopCatHat]

I work part time and DH works as well. We cosleep with DD (22 months), always have done. Over the last year or so, MIL and FIL have tried to have DD four or five times and each time we get a phone call between 10-11pm asking if DD can come back because she won't settle. I don't want DD to be upset all night thinking we've abandoned her and I don't want a hellish night for ILs and DD but I feel like we can't ever plan a night to ourselves or away. We did go away on one of these occasions and had to come back (1.5 hour drive). I'm also worried that it'll put a strain on mine and DH's relationship as we normally work when the other one isn't so we don't see each other during the day and then when we get in we're tired, and then at bedtime we can't even cuddle because we have DD in the middle. Did anyone else's child behave like this and then grow out of it? Has this kind of thing ever affected anyone else's relationships? Any advice would be appreciated

Well she hasn't actually stayed, from 8pm (ish)-11pm but I appreciate your point.

Where does she sleep before your or dh goes to bed?

@TipTopCatHat the intent..... she's YOUR child! I'm not sure how you're even happy for PIL to co sleep.... so many dangers in that alone.

You’re being unreasonable to expect your in-laws to be able to have DD overnight when you’re still co sleeping at home. I imagine the change will be too much for her.

Address the Co sleeping and I’m sure you’ll then be able to have someone else have her overnight.

She sleeps in the bed to sleep, she can't settle without one of us so we go up with her and then usually we both stay in the room (unless one of us is having a bath/going out etc) until we go to sleep, we watch tv/read/chat etc. She doesn't have her own room just now because we're currently in a small one bedroom flat, hoping to get somewhere bigger soon. There's no room for a bed or cot in with us but we could set one up in the living room.

Put her in own cot in own room it will be tough but she’s almost 2 she needs her own space and you need your own life in the evenings.

I actually am not that keen on the cosleeping at PIL's but they only agree to attempt on having her if we say okay, their room is on a different floor to the other one so that seems worse.

Then PILs can come around to your house in future and you can go out for meals and then stay at hotel etc

She needs her own room maybe you give her your room till you move and you and husband sleep in sofa bed in living room

Hang on....one or both of you go to bed when the toddler goes to bed?

@TipTopCatHat so what was she sleeping in up until the 4 months when you started to co sleep? You've made this sound like it's because she's hard to settle not because of logistics!

You cant have it all ways.

You cant do the cosleeping, going to bed when she does etc.....then expect her to stay out somewhere overnight.

Not saying you should cosleep, but you cant then expect to be able to just have nights away.

I have to say, I think it was a bit silly planning an event 1.5 hours away when she had never stayed out before.

If you're not happy with PIL co sleeping then don't expect them to. You'll not have a night away until your DD is sleeping independently and alone, that's the facts ...

OP I have 3 DC and have done cosleeping with all of them, but each time they have begun to crawl I have set up a floor bed in their own room, lay down to feed them to sleep and then ninja-rolled away. If they woke in the night they could come back to our bed to find me. This meant DH and I could have our evenings, and occasionally we got a babysitter (usually my sister) and just went out locally, so she could phone me if DC woke up and couldn't settle. Eventually DC have stopped waking in the night.

I left DC1 overnight only for the birth of DC2, he was 2 and settled for MIL, I left DC2 for the birth of DC3, I've not left him yet as he's only 4 months.

If you've no room for DD I would set up a floor bed in the lounge to fold away or use as a reading corner in the day, and try to settle her there in the evening, then start off with GPs coming to watch her at yours.

I coslept full time with my daughter til 26 months when she got her own bed/room and she still regularly comes into our bed in middle of the night. I disagree that you need to stop cosleeping. Initially I would like with daughter til asleep then go out for the evening. I think a whole night away might be a bit ambitious to start off with, aim for an evening then work up to overnight. I think our first overnight was 2.5 years and she was in own bed by then but coming into ours. If she needs to go to in-laws make sure she's familiar with the house and maybe stay over with her and with them helping with bedtime routine initially, give them advice on settling etc
. Do you have a spare room or even the sofa for alone time with your DH?

Get on that sleep training!

Why don't you start by encouraging LO in her own bed then maybe an evening out then home to her. Then overnight stay at PIL but you also stay so she gets used to house and smells and then overnight with them. It gets easier. She's only little.

Seriously, stop co-sleeping and put her in her room. It'll be hellish to begin with but worth it long term. Maybe try getting someone to babysit at your house initially then eventually branch out to overnight stays.
Adult time with your partner is so important. It sounds like you need to prioritise this.

Cosleeping is fine, but having to lie with her and then spend the evening in the bedroom is a bit too much! How can you then expect her to settle in an unknown house with other people?? Are the GO also expected to stay in bef with her from 7pm (normal bedtime for her age)?

One of us used to lie with ours until they want to sleep then get up and have an evening then go to bed.

Another great example of how co sleeping really isn’t all it’s made out to be.

You really need to get her out of your bed. You need to harden your heart and just do it. She's not going to feel abandoned. I can't actually imagine having my toddler in my bed for all that time!

22 months is still so little. Try enjoying some evenings out together (home by 11 ish).

Our eldest slept with us til she was 3.5 (though from 2 in a floor bed next to our bed). I don’t honestly remember when we first had a night away, maybe close to 3? My mum slept in our bed and she slept in her bed next to ours.

Once she moved into her own room at 3.5, we had proper weekends away. We went to Edinband to Lisbon, Friday to Sunday. She slept fine. Not even 2 yet is still very little. But you will have nights and weekends away again! It’s totally doable but when the time is right.

*Edinburgh

Our youngest is nearly 2. He doesn't co sleep but he's a terrible sleeper. We don't have family who can babysit in the night and don't feel happy leaving him with a babysitter as he has some awful nights.

What we do is when my dad comes down to visit us every few month he looks after the children in the afternoon and we go out for a couple of pints or lunch. It means we get a couple of hours together but without the stress of worrying about him at night.