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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let Dd walk at 6.00am?

131 replies

Tartanwarrior · 16/03/2019 12:05

My daughter is 17, and works as a dot.com shopper on Saturday and Sunday mornings. She's been doing this job since Nov, and I have driven her every time so far. It's light now at 6, it's about a 10- 15 minute walk, and can be done on a well lit road beside a fairly busy road. I so want a lie in, but I feel guilty/ worried etc. I'm a single parent, and she isn't close to driving yet. Am I unreasonable to make her walk?

OP posts:

HavelockVetinari · 16/03/2019 17:51

Flipping heck, 13 year old do paper rounds starting at 6 all the time! She's practically an adult, she needs to step up. It'll be good for her. If it's pissing it down she can wear waterproofs.

cricketmum84 · 16/03/2019 17:52

Sorry but I think you need to cut the apron strings. At 16 I was bussing it to a 7am start 15 miles from home. There was no option of a lift as my mum didn't drive.

It's lovely to be in a position to offer a lift is weather is bad but I wouldn't be doing it all the time!

BorsetshireBlew · 16/03/2019 17:54

I used to walk to work and back at that age for 7am starts, 30 minutes each way. I would never have dreamed of asking for a lift, ever.

dangermouseisace · 16/03/2019 17:55

I’d be happy, but if the road was one anywhere near prostitution areas give her a quick chat about what to do if a car pulls over.

I remember walking home from my student holidayjob in a supermarket in the early hours and was puzzled when someone pulled over and asked if I was “open for business”...me thinking they were probably looking for directions.

I wish I’d been forewarned so I could have told them to fuck the fuck off rather than just look puzzled.

LarryGreysonsDoor · 16/03/2019 18:05

Garage is a 15 minute walk, I had to leave my car.
OH came to pick me up and take me home for a few hours while the job was done, then drove me back up to the garage.

Unless you have a disability this is an utter waste of petrol. A 15 minute walk is nothing.

FrancisCrawford · 16/03/2019 18:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bookworm4 · 16/03/2019 18:30

@dangermouse
Areas of prostitution 🙄🙄

applesarerroundandshiny · 16/03/2019 18:57

OP I can understand your concerns and if it were my DD I may also drive her if it was dark. Only you know the area and whether your DD feels comfortable.

I'm glad I don't have daughters. We have friends with 3 grown up daughters and over the years I've thought how overprotective they were towards their DC, driving them everywhere whereas I've always let DS walk (encouragement not needed - he's very independent) . However DS (17) was telling me this morning how he always accompanies a female friend home in the evening because men (of all ages) seem to think it's acceptable to shout inappropriate sexual comments at her in the street.

speakout · 16/03/2019 19:31

*LarryGreysonsDoor

Unless you have a disability this is an utter waste of petrol. A 15 minute walk is nothing.*

I didn't particularly want to do that walk. I walk a lot for pleasure. It;s not a nice road for walking, narrow and no pavement for much of the way. There was sleet coming down and it was cold.

I guess we all make decisions that use planetary resources.
Some people may drive 4x4s or fly abroad twice a year.
I drive a tiny low emission car, I don't commute for work and fly abroad only every 3 or 4 years.

Are we all squeaky clean when it comes to our carbon footprint?

Original poster

Tartanwarrior · 16/03/2019 20:18

Hi all, thanks for the replies. I've been driving her partially out of caution, partially out of kindness.
For those saying she's selfish, stop. Seriously. This is one tiny aspect of her life- one which I insisted on.

OP posts:

speakout · 16/03/2019 20:27

Tartanwarrior

You are right- it's the bigger picture that counts.

I give my ( young adult lt children) lots of lifts.
They are not selfish, they work hard , are respectful and helpful in lots of ways, I like being able to make their lives a little easier at times.

I have the time to give them lifts, I don't mind doing it, and they are always grateful, never demanding of the transport help.

Original poster

Tartanwarrior · 16/03/2019 20:38

Thank you speakout , yes!
She's a good kid, she works hard, and doesn't ask for a thing. She's worked since she was 14.
I think I'll let her walk most times- unless it's heaving out- just cuz of love. 😁

OP posts:

Oysterbabe · 16/03/2019 20:41

My parents would have laughed if I asked them to drive me somewhere I could walk to in 15 minutes.

ppeatfruit · 17/03/2019 11:35

Isn't there a schoolpupil strike on a Friday with the children wanting proper action on climate change, and doesn't the amount of carbon dioxide produced by traffic figure in their protests ?

Unnecessary car journeys surely shouldn't be normal in their eyes.

Original poster

Tartanwarrior · 17/03/2019 14:43

ppeat I'm not sure what your point is?
I have driven her primarily because I felt concerned about safety. You can't possibly lump all students together, and presume they all share the same knowledge, and take the same stance on issues.

OP posts:

speakout · 17/03/2019 14:55

ppeatfruit

While I agree that we all need to be more mindful of our hydrocarbon consumption, it is a littel harsh to say that we shouldn't use the car for " uneccesary" journeys.
Does that include other unneccesary journeys like a trip to the cinema, attending football practice or dance class or indeed an " uneccesary" family holiday to the Med?

I took my mother to church this morning in my car- half a mile - is that an uneccesary trip?

I don;t think we can judge others unless we live off grid, even then we still breathe!

ppeatfruit · 17/03/2019 14:57

So there are no such things as accidents IN cars then and ones caused BY cars?

Well ref. the environment there isn't much scope for various stances IMO either we're all (our grandchildren) are going to be flooded or not I suppose. I hate to be depressed about the future but I I can't see anyone changing their habits to really discompose themselves, by not flying so much or not travelling in cars so much. That's my point. (sorry it's not very well made but it upsets me ) The children can't blame our generation if they don't change either.

HollowTalk · 17/03/2019 14:59

How much would a taxi cost?

FuckertyBoo · 17/03/2019 15:15

I’m with you pp, but it depends rather. There are some areas where I genuinely wouldn’t walk alone at 6am on a Sunday morning.

I probably wouldn’t take a job which required that I did tbh, but that’s not what the op asked.

I think people who are and who have reason to be genuinely concerned for their own safety if they walk alone in some areas at certain times are not the ones to get rage-y with. That’s why your post made me a bit . Not because I disagree with your environmentalism at all.

FuckertyBoo · 17/03/2019 15:17

PS: I’m 35 and pretty inconspicuous to bad guys. A 17 year old woman could be a bit of a target in some areas, after a big night out etc. It depends on a lot of things. But generally, I agree with you. But since you don’t know all the circumstances, I think your anger was a little misplaced on this one.

ppeatfruit · 18/03/2019 09:00

Yes but if more people walked at ALL times , there would be more law abiding people around to help if there was a problem, children have to be taught to be street wise, know how to cope etc. . I know it's irrelevant to a 17 year old but the fashion for ferrying children by car to school etc. is not doing anyone any favours esp. including the environment.
The media is to blame for a lot of the panic about 'strangers' There were a few weirdos around when I was young but we dealt with them, not by being driven everywhere .

FuckertyBoo · 18/03/2019 09:04

You’re making sense in this most recent post ppeat. In your first with your “give me strength”, you were being a bit blinkered and unhelpful. And I’m on your ‘side’ in the general walk, don’t drive argument. As you admit yourself, it isn’t relevant to THIS situation. But IF more people walked... yes, you’re right.

So no need for the “I’m so exasperated at YOU op, YOU’re the problem” line you seemed to be taking in your initial post. The op is not the problem. People in general driving a lot are the problem and someone having genuine concerns about personal safety is just about one of the only reasons I would think an able person should drive a short distance.

So I think your initial post was unnecessarily harsh.

applesarerroundandshiny · 19/03/2019 16:53

@Tartanwarrior I've been thinking about this thread in relation to the thread about the abuse that a lot of posters' teenage daughters were receiving from men of all ages and I'm actually quite concerned for her If her walk to work coincides with people coming home after night out, drunk or stoned. I can, however, totally understand your wanting a lie in and was wondering what taxi services are like in your area? In all honesty if it was my DD I would pay for a taxi for her. Prebook it do you know the taxi company all above board, it shouldn't cost much for a short journey but you have the peace of mind knowing your DD is safe, while still getting your lie in. And it doesn't in any way take from your daughter's work ethic.

Original poster

Tartanwarrior · 19/03/2019 19:35

Thanks apples - I absolutely agree with everything people have said about resilience, etc. It's always the same story though- woman attacked while out walking. Not that I want to be paranoid, but at the same time, I want to protect her.
The taxi idea is a good one 😊

OP posts:

Dungeondragon15 · 19/03/2019 19:39

It depends on where you live and whether there are other people around at that time of day.

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