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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let Dd walk at 6.00am?

131 replies

Tartanwarrior · 16/03/2019 12:05

My daughter is 17, and works as a dot.com shopper on Saturday and Sunday mornings. She's been doing this job since Nov, and I have driven her every time so far. It's light now at 6, it's about a 10- 15 minute walk, and can be done on a well lit road beside a fairly busy road. I so want a lie in, but I feel guilty/ worried etc. I'm a single parent, and she isn't close to driving yet. Am I unreasonable to make her walk?

OP posts:
FuckertyBoo · 16/03/2019 14:30

I wonder why the roads are stupidly busy????? Full of dopey parents who won't let their 17 year olds walk anywhere in the rain or dark!!!!!!!!!

The roads are not “full of dopey parents...”. The roads are full of all sorts of people who either choose to drive or who don’t really have an alternative.

To go off on a “give me strength... you are the problem” rant is overly simplistic. It’s so much more complicated than this and posts like that don’t do the cause, (which I totally agree with btw; I didn’t even drive until I was 34 and it became essential due to where we live), any favours.

There are plenty of people who drive when it isn’t necessary, but I’d say the vast majority are doing so because they are lazy / it’s more convenient, not because they are worried about their teenaged daughter walking on her own in the early morning.

Iputthescrewinthetuna · 16/03/2019 14:34

At 17, I had moved out of my parents, worked full time and spent many nights out until 2am.
I am now 33, with 3 children. My eldest 11.
I am finding it so hard to give her independence.
At 11 I was taking myself to school...2 buses. DD starts seniors in September in a school 10 min walk away. I am quietly petrified of letting her do it on her own.

Its not stupid being over protective, it isn't the best to not provide your child with independence though. However, I watch the news, I see the stabbings...

amusedbush · 16/03/2019 14:34

At 17 (not THAT long ago ) I was out with friends/my boyfriend and walking home at 3am. Drunk as well, probably Blush

SleepingSloth · 16/03/2019 14:35

I think it's fine for her to walk. But I'd still take her because I'm a softie.Blush

FuckertyBoo · 16/03/2019 14:37

Yep tuna, it’s rather a different world to when I was growing up too. I didn’t grow up in the safest of places, but I would feel seriously wary about letting my dcs out on their own in our home town. They are a long way off 17 though.

Iputthescrewinthetuna · 16/03/2019 14:43

@FuckertyBoo I agree, I was brought up in a 'rough' area! My dad taught us all (4 daughters) self defence at such a young age!
But that was just if someone wanted to steal our bike or something...not knife crime!
I am forcing myself to let DD walk. I need to give her that independence.
At 17, I hope She will be capable of walking alone and I haven't instilled my fear into her! Life is hard with children now. Children as young as 10'carrying knives! I don't blame parents being over protective but I do believe this can be ti the detriment of the child! But, as I am saying this, I pull myself into going round in circles. What would happen if something did happen, I would hate myself for not being over protective!

Op I get it, just do what you and your daughter are comfortable with.

speakout · 16/03/2019 15:13

I can see the points of others here, but I think the 17 yo thing is a red herring.

If I had finished a night shift, tired, and had a 15 minute cold walk home - could I do it? Yes.
Would my OH come and pick me up instead?
Yes.
And I would do the same for him.
Not because it;s unsafe but it's what families do for each other.
I would pick up my 17 yo for the same reason.

Oakenbeach · 16/03/2019 16:00

SleepingSloth

Your “kindness” wouldn’t be doing your 17yo any favours, infantilising her like that.

hazell42 · 16/03/2019 16:06

Well not unreasonable, but I still drive my 27 year old son to work at 5.30 am and he doesn't even live with me anymore. Hate the idea of him walking 3 miles each way then working for 12 hours in a physical job.

Up to you though. How hard hearted are you?

thefirst48 · 16/03/2019 16:12

When I was 16 and I use to start work at 6 so I would catch the first bus at 5.30am and it was a ten minute walk to the bus route. My parents never use to offer to drive me even in winter I always walked. Let your daughter walk it.

prettybird · 16/03/2019 16:29

Nothing to do with being hard hearted Confused

SleepingSloth · 16/03/2019 16:29

Your “kindness” wouldn’t be doing your 17yo any favours, infantilising her like that

If it was 8am and more people were out and about I wouldn't think twice. 6am when it's really quiet I don't think is being particularly overprotective, just sensibly cautious. We all parent differently.

EvaHarknessRose · 16/03/2019 16:40

I understand your concern. There’s a place I drop my dd off quite early, and there is a parade of men walking back from nights out, and they are quite happy to ‘accidentally bump into’ a 15 year old, or once past them, turn around and ogle their legs, or stare at my 13 yo dd. I say they, because it happened multiple times, same area, different men.

Foxmuffin · 16/03/2019 16:41

I certainly did from about 13 nevermind 17!

Ragwort · 16/03/2019 16:41

I think it's perfectly OK for your DD to walk but I sometimes drive my 18 year old DS a short distance just because it's a nice thing to do; my DH drove me to work today, I could have walked, but it was nice to have a lift.

But I am a morning person who is really not bothered about having a 'lie in'.

ivykaty44 · 16/03/2019 16:43

My dd starts work at 6am, before she could drive I would literally pop on pjs to drive her to work and then home to get back to bed. My concern was drinks on there way home tbh

ivykaty44 · 16/03/2019 16:44

Drunks not drinks

Bookworm4 · 16/03/2019 16:50

@hazell42
You drive your 27 yr old- who doesn't live with you- 3 miles at 5.30am?? Are you mad??
That's winning the molly coddled prize today!!!

southnownorth · 16/03/2019 16:56

It's fine my dd did a week of work experience when she was 14 and she had to leave about that time.

dragoning · 16/03/2019 17:05

hazell Shock Surely you're joking?

Haffiana · 16/03/2019 17:21

No. Absolutely not, not until she is 25 minimum. And even then you should walk with her for a year or two.

MiniMum97 · 16/03/2019 17:25

Of course it's ok. She's 17 ffs. I wouldn't have been driving her even when it was dark. She can go out in the dark on her own at this age you know. I was going out on my own after dark from about 14.

viques · 16/03/2019 17:26

Hazel! Let the manboy free for goodness sake. If nothing else get him to buy a bike or learn to ride a motor scooter if he can't drive. Do his workmates know his mummy drives him to work?

I hope you don't spit on your hanky to wipe toast crumbs from his mouth.

Smile
Bookworm4 · 16/03/2019 17:27

Does this girl get chauffeured everywhere, does she never go on a night out? There's plenty 17 yr olds working full time and getting themselves to work without Mummy.

speakout · 16/03/2019 17:46

*Ragwort
I think it's perfectly OK for your DD to walk but I sometimes drive my 18 year old DS a short distance just because it's a nice thing to do; my DH drove me to work today, I could have walked, but it was nice to have a lift.

But I am a morning person who is really not bothered about having a 'lie in'.*

Exactly ( I am a morning person too btw so 6am is fine for me)

I had my brakes done at the garage today.
Garage is a 15 minute walk, I had to leave my car.
OH came to pick me up and take me home for a few hours while the job was done, then drove me back up to the garage.

I do the same for him.
We do the same for our kids- just the way we operate.