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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu with shop assistants comment 'wrecking the place'

614 replies

Harmonyrays · 16/03/2019 10:59

Browsing in a large charity shop wuth a toddler pottering about. In the childs section, i was looking at books while she was looking at toys getting things out admittedlt leaving 3 or 4 on the floor. I was just turning aeound to pick them hp when an assistant came over and said 'could you please not let your child wreck the place'.

Thoughts please as im annoyed at the comment as shes a very yound child who was doing what kids do, i was close by ready to put things away and was going to help the charity by buying several items.

OP posts:
HardofCleaning · 16/03/2019 16:11

@VelvetPineapple

Of course you can't open toys that are wrapped in boxes but in charity shops the toys aren't in sealed boxes. Kids always have a little play in the local charity shops - I see kids flicking through books, getting the toys out all the time, mine did when they were younger too. In fact the toys are usually in a big toy box so you have to get them out to see them. I've never been in a charity shop in which it wouldn't be fine to do this. You wouldn't run around with them or remove them from the toy area but having a little play and returning them is absolutely fine just as you would try on clothes.

FlagranceDirect · 16/03/2019 16:12

but due to her attitude we'd be complaining about her to management

I wouldn't be at all surprised if she was the management.

burgundyjumper · 16/03/2019 16:17

doing what kids do
Yes well, there is a time and place for that, and it is not in a shop. You aren't supposed to just let them do whatever they want, you are supposed to supervise them and prevent them from making a mess on the floor with things that don't belong to them.

FlagranceDirect · 16/03/2019 16:23

They’re on the bottom shelf because they’re harder to lift up and down from a high shelf and if they fall off they’ll hurt someone

I despair sometimes that these things have to be explained. There is a tiny child's scooter on the floor in the toy area. This does not mean you are invited to scoot around the shop on it. There is also a toy supermarket trolley. This does not invite a toddler to traverse the shop filling it up with goods that I then have to put back when mother has finished her peaceful browse.

Siameasy · 16/03/2019 16:29

They’re on the bottom shelf because they’re harder to lift up and down from a high shelf and if they fall off they’ll hurt someone. Big things are safer on the bottom shelf where they can’t fall on anyone’s head. They’re not on the bottom shelf so kids can play with them!

Yes that’s pretty obvious re the size but as a charity shop regular all the smaller kids’ toys and books are on the bottom shelves or on the floor in ours. The puzzles and games for older kids are further up.

What is wrong with a child playing with a toy in a shop? It’s certainly not illegal so why is it wrong?

Bookworm4 · 16/03/2019 16:31

Why would anyone think this is ok? Because it's a charity shop it doesn't matter? Would you let your one year old pull toys down in Smyths? Bear in mind the shop assistants are volunteers. This is similar to the parents who let their kids wander about coffee shops and restaurants because 'that's what they do', no responsibile parents control their kids and don't expect everyone else to find them cute or amusing.

Siameasy · 16/03/2019 16:32

It doesn’t have to be explained Flagrance. But any excuse to be patronising from behind a screen🙄

But can you explain why it is wrong for a child to play with a toy in a shop? Like for instance push said shopping trolley up and down a little? If I was going to buy a pull along suitcase would I be allowed to try it out or should I only touch it once I’ve bought it?!

Siameasy · 16/03/2019 16:34

I let my child play with toys in Smyths yes. Last time we went in there loads of kids were. She tried out lots of scooters. Probably illegal on mumsnet as we didn’t buy any of them that day. OMG call the police.

BumbleBee27 · 16/03/2019 16:38

Omg yes I would control my child in a shop/cafe/restaurant but sometimes occasionally they might do something deemed to be annoying by other people. That's life and most reasonable people would understand unless it caused extreme distress or disruption to them.

Why is everyone jumping on the op as if she's a bad parent just because her child touched a few toys in a shop.

Sometimes I genuinely feel like I'm too nice to be in Mumsnet 😂😂

PCohle · 16/03/2019 16:38

Personally I have no problem with kids playing with toys in a shop (like adults examining goods), provided they are under close adult supervision.

Kids are far more likely than an adult to accidentally damage something, to get it dirty (by putting it in their mouth or on the floor) or to fail to put them back properly creating both a mess and a trip hazard. They may also create an annoyance or hazard to other shoppers eg by using a scooter. If a parent is closely supervising so that none of those things happen, then fine.

That wasn't the case here.

TrendyNorthLondonTeen · 16/03/2019 16:40

This thread didn't really go the way you wanted did it OP?

youknowmedontyou · 16/03/2019 16:48

Ok OP, not sure your reason for posting in AIBU?

Bookworm4 · 16/03/2019 16:52

The reason for posting was to see if other dopey mothers would agree at her anger at an unpaid charity worker who pointed out she wasn't looking after her baby properly.

beanaseireann · 16/03/2019 16:53

For goodness sake don't take her into the China department in Harrods. Smile
I can see where you're coming from OP but it mightn't be wise to let her link a shop with things she can take up, investigate and drop.

FlagranceDirect · 16/03/2019 16:56

Kids always have a little play in the local charity shops - I see kids flicking through books, getting the toys out all the time, mine did when they were younger too. In fact the toys are usually in a big toy box so you have to get them out to see them. I've never been in a charity shop in which it wouldn't be fine to do this

I've banged on about unruly kids but, in fairness, of course what you describe here is perfectly normal and acceptable and it's not bothering anybody, least of all the staff. Unfortunately there are an increasing number of unsupervised and undisciplined kids who charge around owning the place. The parents appear oblivious to the chaos in their own little bubble, but it spoils it for other customers and staff alike.
Having said that, I'm not talking about OPs child who is virtually still a baby and the member of staff could have said nothing at all.

But that's how it starts. Nobody says anything and the parent remains oblivious.

Grumpelstilskin · 16/03/2019 17:04

Ah, OP you are one of those parents.... The hid of a rhino while your toddler is left unattended and then gets all OTT when someone points out that you are an inconsiderate brat.

SoupDragon · 16/03/2019 17:29

If I’ve told my child he can have something from the charity shop he goes and has a look and plays with a few. Fucking hilarious isn’t it

Not at 1 he doesn't. He just goes and plays with them.

SoupDragon · 16/03/2019 17:31

just because her child touched a few toys in a shop.

That's not what happened.

VelvetPineapple · 16/03/2019 17:31

But can you explain why it is wrong for a child to play with a toy in a shop?

Because it’s not there to be played with. It’s for sale. When I buy a toy I expect it to be new, not played with by every kid who walked past. After your kid is finished making the toy second hand they still have to sell it, or make a loss because it’s unsaleable. Less of an issue in a charity shop I admit, because the toys are already second hand.

Also, after your kid is finished making a mess someone has to tidy up. It’s not polite to leave a mess for someone else to tidy. Especially if that person is a volunteer.

SoupDragon · 16/03/2019 17:32

What is wrong with a child playing with a toy in a shop? It’s certainly not illegal so why is it wrong?

It's a shop, not a toy library, not a play area, not a play group.

SoupDragon · 16/03/2019 17:32

When I buy a toy I expect it to be new

Well, to be fair this was a charity shop.

FlagranceDirect · 16/03/2019 17:33

But can you explain why it is wrong for a child to play with a toy in a shop? Like for instance push said shopping trolley up and down a little?

There'd be nothing wrong with that, with appropriate parental engagement. But that's not what happened and that's not what I wrote. The approximately 2/3 year old pushed the trolley round the shop filling it with stock off the shelves. The mother did not intervene (I don't know if she even noticed) so I meekly let her get on with it. I'm averse to assuming authority over small children who don't know me unless they are obviously going to hurt themselves. at which point I'd throw caution to the winds and intervene.
The items in the trolley were necessarily small trinkets and egg-cups and the like, due to the limited volume of the trolley (smart child)
And I had to put them all back again when they'd gone, between serving other customers and taking donations and of course keeping the rest of the shop tidy.

There's nothing wrong with your initial take of a child pushing a trolley up and down a little. But that's probably what her mother would have said she was doing had I gone ballistic after one too many unruly kids today, and ended up the subject of a mn thread.

VelvetPineapple · 16/03/2019 17:39

When I buy a toy I expect it to be new
Well, to be fair this was a charity shop

I already said that myself. Literally two posts earlier. My main point still stands - if your kid wrecks it they can’t sell it. And it will get wrecked if 20 kids every day play with it like your kid has done. Plus a volunteer has to repeatedly tidy up after all of those kids.

Dothehappydance · 16/03/2019 17:48

Gracious me, I must confess my sins as I have just come back from my local charity shops where I picked things up, looked at them and didn't buy them

I check toys over a lot, the number of people who send broken and/or incomplete toys to a CS is shocking, so if my child picks it up and I deem it not right I put it back.

I don't like them looking at new books, but they are as allowed to pick up a toy in a CS to get a closer look as they would be in a standard toy shop.

I think I had someone make a pointed comment once, and if I remember rightly it was about the toy we were going to buy.

One of my big local shops has a 'Please do not leave children unsupervised' not ''Do not let them touch'

First time I have been included in the 'entitled parents' section though. Just in time for my new journey into teenage-hood.

SileneOliveira · 16/03/2019 17:50

Why do people have to leap to extremes? Surely anyone with half a brain can see that there is huge difference between a school age child picking stuff up, having a wee look at items, cuddling a teddy, flicking through a book before returning it and a baby of ONE YEAR old being allowed to remove things from shelves which mum's back is turned.

Most children we have in our shop are very respectful and pick one thing up, look at it, put it back down, pick up something else, and so on. No problem with that at all.

But yeah, when a 1 / 2 / 3 year old is pretty much set loose in the toy section while mum's looking at books or trying on a jacket, that's a whole other problem.

I think I've intervened once. When a 2 year old with their granny made a beeline for the table with crystal / china / teasets. Granny had her back turned and was chatting to a friend she'd met on the way in. Just managed to grab the little cherub's hand before she swiped a teapot off the table and returned her to granny. Granny was not impressed.

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