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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Birthday Weekend

18 replies

Treaclesweet · 16/03/2019 10:16

I have a four month old baby. My birthday (a big one) is on the Monday of a bank holiday weekend, and I have arranged for a friend to visit. I was thinking that me, my partner and my friend could go camping.

My partner puts on events. He has had a venue cancel this morning and wants to rearrange his event to the Saturday night before the Monday of my birthday. I would not be able to attend (even though I would normally love to go) because of the baby.

I have asked him to not to put the party on then as it would obviously encroach into my birthday- pre party stress and last minute running around, the night itself which would be a late one, the hangover etc. He thinks I am being unreasonable as my birthday doesn't fall on the Saturday of Sunday so he says the weekend after is my "birthday weekend". Which one of us is right?

OP posts:

Shitonthebloodything · 16/03/2019 10:31

His event is a work thing that he'll profit from? If so yabu. Just organise everything earlier so you don't have last minute stress and running around to do.

chuttypicks · 16/03/2019 10:32

Surely only children have "birthday weekends"? You're a grown woman with a child. Your birthday is on the Monday. Him working on the Saturday doesn't affect that at all

timeisnotaline · 16/03/2019 10:34

Your birthday is on the Monday bank holiday? It is absolutely that weekend. Whether he should do the event or not that is a very twattish position he is taking. I guess he never wants to take a long weekend away with you again as the bank holiday doesn’t count.
Also why the hangover? Is that part not optional? If he does put on the event I would expect him to be able to do it without being hungover.

HardofCleaning · 16/03/2019 10:34

I think it depends how easy it will be for him to change his event and how far ahead you were in the planning of your camping trip.

Original poster

Treaclesweet · 16/03/2019 10:49

It's not a work thing. It's his own work/hobby thing that he could put on at any time.

My friend is coming a four hour drive and this has been arranged for several months. She would not be able to come any other weekend.

He worked last year on my birthday, by choice.

We've had a horrible argument about it and I'm pretty upset. I know it's somewhat childish but it's not just any birthday it's my 30th and it'll be my first as a mother.

OP posts:

AdobeWanKenobi · 16/03/2019 10:51

Surely only children have "birthday weekends"? You're a grown woman with a child

Some people like to celebrate, who is anyone to judge. Birthdays are special things, you never know how many you're going to get so make the most of every one.

ThePlaceToVent · 16/03/2019 10:59

You aren’t allowed to celebrate your birthday on MN.

CalmdownJanet · 16/03/2019 11:12

Your birthday is monday and he is saying your birthday "weekend" is the following weekend? That makes no sense! Your birthday weekend is the one closest to your birthday

YouTheCat · 16/03/2019 11:25

It doesn't matter that it's a birthday weekend. The fact is the OP has something arranged, and a friend driving 4 hours, that weekend and he could arrange his hobby for any other time.

He sounds like a massive dickhead. Can you celebrate with just your friend?

theonetowalkinthesun · 16/03/2019 13:55

Your birthday weekend is the one with the bank holiday attached

PositiveVibez · 16/03/2019 13:57

You aren’t allowed to celebrate your birthday on MN

🤣🤣

Nanny0gg · 16/03/2019 13:59

Birthdays obviously don't matter to him and the fact that they matter to you doesn't matter to him either.

That's the problem.

TidyDancer · 16/03/2019 14:18

Why don't you have a girls night with your friend (presuming your friend is female) on the Saturday night and celebrate with your DP on the Sunday night and Monday? That makes sense to me.

I do like a birthday celebration but I don't think it has to be all weekend.

PregnantSea · 16/03/2019 14:45

In this situation I think the date is irrelevant. Your birthday weekend is the weekend which you have arranged birthday things for, including your friend coming to visit from far away. Your DH knew about all of this for months.

bridgetreilly · 16/03/2019 15:06

I am not generally in favour of 'birthday weekends'. However here, it's clear that it is a bank holiday weekend, you have a friend visiting who can't come a different time, and you were planning to go away. It is pretty unreasonable of him to want to throw a spanner in the works of all that for the sake of his hobby, regardless of whether or not it's your birthday.

thedisorganisedmum · 16/03/2019 15:35

I am all for celebrating birthdays and have been know to take a full week to celebrate mine, and will totally do that again.

I just don't understand what you mean by It's his own work/hobby thing that he could put on at any time

so I am really on the fence.

If he really could arrange whatever he is doing any other weekend, and it messes up your pre-existing plans with a friend he knew about, he is BU - birthday or no birthday.

timeisnotaline · 16/03/2019 16:16

He’s being a total knob. He knows birthdays matter to you, he did this last year, it’s a big birthday, it’s just his hobby and he could do it for any day, your friend can’t rearrange and is travelling hours. Total knob. How hard would it be to go without him? (Id find it hard camping with dc without dh but I think I’d be prepared to in this case). And rename your birthday as OPs single fun day birthday! And say you assume he hates your birthday so you are going to celebrate it without him every year unless he changes.
The thing is you can’t make him do anything, so you need to change your reaction. Try it.
I did similar one year when my dh was being a colossal knob with life admin etc (significant as we’d moved internationally). I couldn’t make him do it, but I could free up his supposedly precious time as much as possible. I wasn’t going to spend any fun social time with him until he was contributing fairly. He could have that time back- i said it was a total win, I don’t even want to look at you anyway and you desperately need the time.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 16/03/2019 16:16

Is it your partner or the venue that want it that weekend? His hobby is putting on events? Is he being paid for this or does it cost him to do it?

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