Kids after school activities

[chocolateroses]

Is it just me or do kids just do so many classes and activities these days? I'm feeling the pressure to match others but also thinking how I never did all that stuff and I'm ok?

Swimming, gymnastics, football, ballet, beavers, rainbows.... the list goes on. Parents seem to have so much ££££ and kids are busy doing something extra everyday.

I'm not judging, but am genuinely less of a good parent if I don't jump on this bandwagon?

I did brownies/guides, ballet and swimming lessons. Same as other kids at school or on our street. I can recall one friend having piano lessons, brother played for football team. Dd did similar. Dd also does an instrument at school, something I was never offered.
Age 13 she still dances 3 hours a week and guides 1.5 hours. Plus music lesson in school time. Dancing is most expensive activity.

Mother of a dancer here! I agree that activities are too much for some children, they are all different. However some thrive on it. DD loves dancing, competing and doing shows so she has to do lots of classes to keep at a competitive level. Older DS was the same at a younger age but was football mad! Different children like different things.

Gets a bit annoying when kids who do lots of activities are commented on, yet too many kids are very sedentary and should be doing more exercise. ( I try not to judge )

It really depends on the child and family situation. I have a 5 year old who loves being kept busy and has no siblings at home so he looks forward to going to all his activities.
Also from my perspective, I did no after school activities and found it harder to start them by the time I started secondary school. So I have my child doing activities while he is young, and in a few years if he says he doesn't want to do x and y anymore then that's fine and he can stop whichever ones he doesn't want to do anymore. But I just think it's important that he's been given the opportunity when he's young rather than trying to play catch up if he started in a few years time.

I'm in 2 minds about this. I went for a more relaxed approach with eldest kids. They did swimming and scouts and a fun athletics club on a Sat. Various other random clubs throughout the years.

I thought that was enough and didn't want to add more. However, I think I should have got them into a team sport earlier on as now they are teens they do basically nothing and are not fit at all. I think the social benefits were under estimated by myself.

I think with the youngest, I'll get them into something like that earlier on.

I was never keen on gymnastics or dance or team sports myself, I think that was the problem. Now I'm a middle aged woman trying to get fit, I think I and they have missed out.

It's finding the balance though, isn't it? And also having kids who are willing to go and do it and don't fight you at every bloody turn!

We have activities on 3 weekdays, one sport, one music and one art and they play at home the rest of the time. It works well. My dd 7 loves it, sometimes I wonder if it's s bit much for my dd who is in reception but he was getting dragged along to wait for/ watch his sister anyway so he joins in (apart from the music lessons which he's a bit young for). I dread the day they start wanting to do massively different stuff and a relatively manageable schedule becomes manic!

TheWomanin12B

It's not too late! It's never too late to become fit and passionate about a sport. The trick is the find the right one for them, it could be individual or team sport, anything.

Some 40 year old have never done any sport and suddenly catch up and end up doing ultra marathon (long distance runs are weirdly generally more favoured by older people)

I have seen teens starting martial arts feeling awkward and unfit, but really catching up in a few months and becoming really enthusiastic and good at them.

I am sure your teens can find the right sport for them (hopefully it won't be skiing or motor racing, which can be very unpractical or expensive)

Personally I think extra curricular is great and should be however much the child is interested in (finances permitting obviously). As a child, I did nothing and I was bored shitless. Perhaps I just went to crap schools or perhaps it was just a sign of the times (80's-90's) but there was nothing going on and very little in the wider community aside from brownies which I hated.

My eldest (6) goes to gymnastics, dancing (2 classes back-to-back), swimming and rainbows so 3 nights after school and a Saturday morning. She likes organised activities.

Middle DD (recently 3) goes to gymnastics, ballet and swimming as well as a couple of additional toddler groups as she hasn't started preschool yet.

We review hobbies regularly and they try extra activities during school holidays. I don't feel confident that school can provide sufficient PE opportunities. Likewise with the arts. I don't blame the school but I do feel a responsibility to ensure my DC have a broad education.

I did Amit of activities 30 years ago as a child and so did my dh. My 5 year old likes a structured activity but is very happy to amuse himself. He does LEGO club, soccer and hockey and then plays Gaelic football and hurling at the weekend.

If schools would do more PE and swimming than I think DD wouldn’t have started two clubs

Same for me. One PE lesson a week is nothing like the activity growing kids beed, and 2 of my 4 tend to be more sedentary at break time too, so they need to get more activity. When we were little we'd often play out after school, but these days that's not really an option with working parents and safety concerns.

My son does swimming and Beavers - he will not be doing more than 3 a week at a push. I don't get this need to be so busy - its not good for the development of a child or anyone's mental health. We all need to learn to be still and deal with boredom and learn to appreciate the smaller things in life. Its yet another competitive parenting strategy at the expense of the child.

Even if the child says he/she likes the activities they need time away from things to balance, centre and consolidate. No one is being done any favours, its almost as if people are afraid to stop.

As an upper middle class kid in the 80s and 90s I did:

• music lessons (weekly in term time for 11 years despite not being naturally musical);
• Brownies
• swimming lessons until I’d done all the levels and the diving lessons
• Art club (at primary school)
• badminton club (at primary school)
• debating club (at secondary school)
• Bridge club (at secondary school)
• school sports teams (including Saturday matches)

So I think my DS1 doing Beavers, swimming and cricket is doing much the same amount I was.

We all need to learn to be still and deal with boredom and learn to appreciate the smaller things in life. Its yet another competitive parenting strategy at the expense of the child.

I think it depends what you mean by activities. They need to be active and practice sports (or running, cycling, playing football or tennis with their friends or siblings). They don't need constant extra lessons in music, art, foreign language, history etc. , but so many children would benefit from physical activities instead of being plonked in front of the tv or videos games as soon as they leave school.

Lifeover,
I don't get this need to be so busy - its not good for the development of a child or anyone's mental health

That may be the case with your child but every child and every family situation is different.
My child finishes school at 2 o clock, has little homework and has an abundance of energy. No siblings. So for his development and mental health it is good for him to have plenty of extra curricular activities and be busy for half an hour/an hour in the afternoon.

Thedisorganisedmum thank you for the encouragement.

I am slogging my way through C25k and loving it and I'm hoping that will inspire them. They both keep asking me how it's going and maybe I'll be able to repeat it with them in tow (they'll be much faster!). We are getting a basketball hoop too as they've both shown an interest. I'm quite excited about getting them interested in something. Like you say, it's just finding the right thing for them. Should be a bit easier with the weather improving and lighter evenings.

I so wish I hadn't been put off sports for so long by PE lessons at school!

My eldest daughter does sensory circuit club 3 mornings a week before school because it supports her with some of her SEN issues. She does swimming once a week straight after school, beavers which doesn’t start until gone 6 and has a violin lesson every Saturday morning but it’s 1:1 and in our home. She wants to do all these things and there is no pressure to continue any of the apart from swimming.

My youngest does nothing apart from swimming and that’s only because I feel it’s an essential skill, I’ve told her she can quit when she is confident and safe in the water and can swim for a reasonable amount of time. She k ones if she wants to try something she always has the option.

I feel as long as it’s for the enjoyment of the child then it’s fine but down time definitely needs to be factored in too. Right now I wouldn’t let my eldest do anything else as what we have is a nice balance and anything extra would encroach on down time and family time.

My DC do lots of activities.

I think one of the main differences compared to when we were young is what they’d be spending their time on if they weren’t doing activities. Whereas we’d have been playing out or reading a book, these days what they really want is screen time. Personally I like to limit screen time by keeping them busy with lots of other things!

My kids really enjoy their activities - some kids do prefer just to potter.

It does get expensive, but you can steer them towards the cheaper options!

heh, I'm not a parent but I also think what you are thinking. I think all these classes and "activities" only bring up a herd of conformists who need a mob around them to look to, the generic mass of generic people, the kind who needs a fucking "role model" at the ripe age of, say, 35.
I think that a healthy inquisitive mind is not being fostered by all that "togetherness", that it needs time alone. Basically, to get to know yourself you need time to think in peace, to think for yourself and stop comparing and, much worse, "measuring up to".

I think the issue is that we have decided as a society that children need adult supervision until a much greater age in the past, so when you add to that parents who work or need to get things done activities provide a childcare option that works for many families. Since both me and my partner work mine went to organised nursery from 12 months with a range of activities laid on and did not really need to learn to entertain themselves as they had many other children to play with. They then started school and went to breakfast club and after school club so again similar and when option came up to do gymnastics say rather than after school club they took it and it filled a childcare need for me. This means that they are now coming to the end of primary with little expertif entertaining themselves and a preference to be doing something outside of the home since it’s all they have ever know!

My eldest is in year six now and attends a orchestra instead of after school club one day a week. The other week it was cancelled so she came home on her own until I got in from work. She told me how boring it was and how she much preferred orchestra but then that makes sense because two hours at home without company is a totally new experience to a child used to having the company of their peer group between 8 and 6.

I do think both children have gained out of doing stuff and they are happy kids. However the option to do less and spend more time in the house entertaining themselves is simply not been available to them or many other children nowadays until well past primary age. I see this more of a fact of modern life than something I am doing to be competitive with other parents etc.

My 3 children do way too many after school activities but only because I did non as a child.

5yo - martial arts, acrobatics and dance
8yo - martial arts, piano, gymnastics, acrobatics, tumbling and dance
10yo - martial arts, piano, flute, orchestra and dance

We are busy every evening after school and at least 1 Sunday a month for competitions ... as well as any orchestra performances or exams etc. It's costs us a small fortune and is really draining. The ONLY reason they do so many is that I was never allowed to do them and had to go with my dad while he was teaching every night. I swore that my kids could experience any activity they wanted to because I didn't want them to miss out like I did.
In hindsight I have gone too far the other way. I don't think you are a bad parent if your kids don't do clubs and I don't think you're bad if they do lots. You have to find a good balance and what's right for you and your children. That being said I think it's important to let them have the option of doing at least 1 thing that they may enjoy.

There's lot of evidence that shows that it's actually detrimental. My DC would mainly happily sign up to anything I suggest but I have them choose things they really want (and swimming which they don't want but need to learn). Unless they had a really passionate hobby which they were desperate to pursue (neither do at the moment) I make sure it's no more than two a week after school. They need free time for lego/reading/imaginative play in the garden.

I do kind of get the vibe that a lot of parents feel bad that their kids can't "play out" and signing them up for different activities is their way of trying to compensate.

DS1 is 6 and he does swimming, Beavers and horse riding. He also does French during a lunchtime, which we feel should be part of the curriculum anyway. In the summer he will play cricket, but probably take a break from riding.

When I was young, I only did Brownies/ Guides and school netball. My parents couldn’t afford anymore and I always felt as though I missed out.

We all need to learn to be still and deal with boredom and learn to appreciate the smaller things in life

I think I agree.

the problem is that many kids are given a tablet or a tv as a remedy against boredom. In this case, after school sport is definitively an improvement!