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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'm not liked?

55 replies

sammypre · 14/03/2019 12:58

I've been friends with a woman for 16 years.
The thing is she's always spoke to me like shit and I know she's spoke about me behind my back.
It kills her to give me a compliment.
Got my hair done last week and another friend said to her "oh isn't her hair nice"
And she just shrugged her shoulders ..
These other two friends (less than a year she's known them ) oh wow girls your hair is amazing ,your outfits amazing blah blah.
I'm a good friend to her,babysit her kids,help her out with things,always there for her.
She has such a attitude with me and short with me,eye rolls etc
Aibu to think she doesn't really like me?
She will say oh what you wearing that for then two weeks later wearing something similar.
I think I'm a nice person.
I met one of her mutual friends and she said "oh Louise loves you...not sure why ha "
Deep down she probably meant it
It makes me sad.

OP posts:
FullOfJellyBeans · 14/03/2019 13:00

Why are you putting up with this? Sounds like she uses you to bolster her self esteem. It's probably not that she does or doesn't like you she just recognises that you're willing to put up with shit from her and it bolsters her to give you shit.

Original poster
sammypre · 14/03/2019 13:01

We've been friends for years and sometimes she can be nice.
I don't understand why she doesn't do it to others but just me.

OP posts:
Lllot5 · 14/03/2019 13:02

She’s not your friend she’s being mean probably jealous.

HeathRobinson · 14/03/2019 13:02

Well jel, innit

happinessischocolate · 14/03/2019 13:06

I had a friend like this, we'd known each other for so long and had been through so much together, but then I started getting the feeling she didn't really like me, although at the same time she seemed envious when I met up with other friends.

We had a massive fallout over her making up gossip about me and quite frankly I'm so much happier without her in my life. I've had time to get to know other friends better, and at least feel that they like me and enjoy my company.

In short ditch her...

Merryoldgoat · 14/03/2019 13:07

She doesn't like you, she's jealous of you and you'll be happier if you withdraw from the friendship.

bobstersmum · 14/03/2019 13:08

She's a massive knob head, she's not your friend. Just block her, ignore and move on.

recrudescence · 14/03/2019 13:09

I'm a good friend to her,babysit her kids,help her out with things,always there for her.

Start being unavailable for these things and see what happens.

pickletickled · 14/03/2019 13:15

She doesn't sound like a nice friend OP.
Stop doing things for her and /or call her out on her treatment.
I couldn't be arsed with someone like that.

AfterSchoolWorry · 14/03/2019 13:19

She's using you for babysitting etc

Can you see what I mean?

She's not your friend OP.

FullOnMonet1975 · 14/03/2019 13:21

She sounds jealous to me Envy

I had a "friend" like this. I had my hair cut from very long to pixie & everyone commented on how good it looked & what a drastic change it was. She didn't comment then later said she hadn't noticed then mumbled a compliment. I saw her last week & hid behind a manikin to avoid her Grin

If she makes you feel shit about yourself then don't waste your time & effort on her Flowers

EssentialHummus · 14/03/2019 13:22

She isn't a friend.

gokartdillydilly · 14/03/2019 13:23

Google 'toxic friendships' and start a strategy to get her out of your life - loads of tips online. My daughter and I have experienced these so-called friends in our lives and getting rid is honestly the most joyous and liberating thing you can do. Good luck in LTB (losing the bitch) x

EugenesAxe · 14/03/2019 13:25

Jealous, jealous, jealous. Classic symptoms - the old "jellyfish" attempts at being nice (as in Bridget Jones 2), copying your style. You need to ditch her as she is using you to boost her self esteem, as PPs have said.

I'm confused about the mutual friend anecdote. Who was saying this? The mutual friend (ie. someone you are both friends with; bit confusing saying "her mutual friend"), or her to you in front of the mutual friend called Louise?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 14/03/2019 13:31

I don’t like to use the “jealousy” thing as an answer for people’s behaviour but in this instance I will. I had a “friend” like this many years ago, always putting me down, saying I looked fat in certain clothes ( I was a size 8 and she was a size 18! ) that my hair looked better before I’d had it cut, that sort of thing. It took me a few years to figure out she was jealous of me. Then I didtched her.

Do the same OP. You don’t need that sort of shit!

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 14/03/2019 13:32

Stop doing any favours for her, and focus all your time and energy on your other friends (preferably ones not connected to her in any way). No need to argue or fall out, just gradually sever ties.

Sometimes friendships just turn rotten, and both parties are better off going their seperate ways.

spanishwife · 14/03/2019 13:34

I would be cutting her out. Obviously you're nice and fun as other people really like you and compliment you, she just sounds rude and grumpy. Time is precious, don't waste it on people that don't bring you joy! Simple as that.

Mitzimaybe · 14/03/2019 13:42

I'm a good friend to her,babysit her kids,help her out with things,always there for her

What does she do for you? Does she do all these things too, in which case it's just a bit weird, or is it a one-way friendship where you always give and she always takes?

Either way, she's not being nice to you and you should have no qualms about ending the friendship if you want.

Sophiathefortyfirst · 14/03/2019 13:42

Definitely dump her! She sounds an utter bitch! I wouldn't waste any time and would delete and block her from social media and ignore her calls, and blank her if you see her in person.

I have had a couple of 'friends' like this is the past and have dumped them both and cut them off. One in particular was so gushy and complimentary about everyone else but never said anything nice to me. She prided herself on her 'honesty.

We had a mutual friend, whom I'll call Jane, that she always gushed over. One day I wore some jeans with rips and lace detailing on them. Nasty friend said 'Look, Jane wears jeans like those but SHE can get away with it, you can't. You look ridiculous'. After that I cut her off. Incidentally the jeans are fab, I still wear them now and get loads of compliments and nice comments about them!

Pinkbells · 14/03/2019 13:45

She sounds horrible. I'd get rid and find some genuine friends.

TarragonSauce · 14/03/2019 13:47

She's not your friend. You are her mug.
She can say what she wants to you and about you, probably cos to knock you down makes her feel better about herself.
And you will still bob about doing whatever she needs, babysitting, laughing at her jokes, listening to her waffle etc.

If this is your definition of friendship, you need some professional input.
If this is not your definition of friendship, stand up, say No and move on.

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 14/03/2019 13:51

She’s not your friend. She’s using you because you are convenient to her- babysitting for example. Just ghost her from now on. You don’t need someone like that in your life.

howmanyusernames · 14/03/2019 13:52

I had a 'friend' once who would sometimes be lovely but then be a complete bitch.
I introduced her to my friends, we'd all go out, she then started invited them out with just her and not me.
She'd invite my best friend and her partner out for meals with her and her partner, and when I asked why I wasn't invited she said no-one liked my husband! Shock

We had a falling out, she then told MY friends they had to choose - her or me. They chose me. They thought (thankfully) she was nuts.

She then started blocking me on social media, would then unblock me, comment on/like my friends photos (so I could see) and then block me again. She did this three times before I managed to beat her to it and blocked her! This was 3 years ago. I don't miss her, don't think about her, and know she was toxic and maybe jealous of my friends/life (although I'm not sure why!?).
It caused me so much anxiety though, started making me doubt myself, and dented my confidence.

Honestly OP, don't associate with anyone who makes you feel shit about yourself.

Bagpuss5 · 14/03/2019 13:52

I think if someone unreasonably dislikes someone it is becuase they are jealous/ are reminded of something or someone from their past/ see something in you which they dislike in themselves. eg say you have new hair do, the other person hates their own untidy hair, they might be rude about your looks, but it is really about them. But imv it is bullying and I wouldn't bother trying to win them over, who knows why bullys bully.

NannyRed · 14/03/2019 13:53

Why are you even friends with her?

She’s taking you for a mug. Dump her.

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