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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'm not liked?

55 replies

sammypre · 14/03/2019 12:58

I've been friends with a woman for 16 years.
The thing is she's always spoke to me like shit and I know she's spoke about me behind my back.
It kills her to give me a compliment.
Got my hair done last week and another friend said to her "oh isn't her hair nice"
And she just shrugged her shoulders ..
These other two friends (less than a year she's known them ) oh wow girls your hair is amazing ,your outfits amazing blah blah.
I'm a good friend to her,babysit her kids,help her out with things,always there for her.
She has such a attitude with me and short with me,eye rolls etc
Aibu to think she doesn't really like me?
She will say oh what you wearing that for then two weeks later wearing something similar.
I think I'm a nice person.
I met one of her mutual friends and she said "oh Louise loves you...not sure why ha "
Deep down she probably meant it
It makes me sad.

OP posts:
CielBleuEtNuages · 14/03/2019 13:53

why would you stay friends with someone who is "sometimes" nice???

NutElla5x · 14/03/2019 13:55

She does it to you and not others because no one else would put up with it. She sounds bitter,twisted and possibly jealous and you sound a bit of a sap. Put up or shut up.

SofaSurfer20 · 14/03/2019 13:58

She's treating you like scum, please stop doing things for her x

Toooldtocareanymore · 14/03/2019 14:01

what age are you and this friend, wonder if your friendship formed when you were early teens and she just continues to communicate with you in the same way , the newer friends may not get the same version of her as you do, I have three friends I've known over 20 years , we dip in and out of each others lives, got together last xmas and my dh said it was a total cat fight the way we tore strips off each other, it wasn't it was just the way we are, especially when a bit giddy and tipsy , we support each other ,give tones of practical help but honestly wouldn't have commented positively about a haircut or outfit for years

Pernickity1 · 14/03/2019 14:02

Jealously without a doubt. Is she a competitive person? I had a best friend like this for years... wouldn’t dream of complimenting me on something she wanted for herself. She was forever in competition with me over ridiculous unimportant things. It was tedious so I got rid of her eventually. I hear back she’s bewildered and beyond angry with me for doing this - she probably hasn’t a clue how shit her behavior was but I’m beyond caring. Life is better without toxic friendships.

Original poster
sammypre · 14/03/2019 14:07

We are both nearly middle 30s now.
Been friends since our first job

OP posts:
Stargazer888 · 14/03/2019 14:08

She's not your friend. Stop the cycle and stop helping her out.

Original poster
sammypre · 14/03/2019 14:08

I'm not sure if she's competitive but she has a very high opinion of herself.

OP posts:
thedisorganisedmum · 14/03/2019 14:10

she's always spoke to me like shit

why on earth could you possibly think you are friends? Of course she doesn't like you, and she is not even pretending that she does!

She probably would have more respect for you if you were not such a people pleaser for lack of a better word.

Honestly, you are an adult, not everyone will like you, and that's fine. You won't like everybody either. Some you tolerate because you have to, some you just ignore and you get on with your life, your beliefs and your own friends.

High time to move on.

AcrossthePond55 · 14/03/2019 14:13

Some people just need a whipping boy (or girl). It's not 'jealousy', it's that they need to put someone down to make themselves feel good.

As far as I can see, she serves no 'useful' purpose in your life. Get rid of her and don't fall for the 'sunk costs fallacy' just because you've been friends for years. I recently 'broke up' with a friend I've had for 50 years. We met as children. I realized after all that time that she really didn't make me feel all that good about myself, that it was always about her. Open up the space in your life that this 'friend' currently occupies for new friends who will be real friends!

AryaStarkWolf · 14/03/2019 14:15

Why do you carry on being friends with her, I mean what positives does she even bring to your life?

Happynow001 · 14/03/2019 14:19

She finds you useful but she's actually not your friend. Some envy going on there too. I'd make myself and my help less available to her if I were you.

MissConductUS · 14/03/2019 14:21

It's not that she doesn't like you, she's contemptuous of how easy it's been for her to take advantage of your good nature and exploit you for free babysitting and other favors that are never returned.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/03/2019 14:22

She sounds like a right cow. Just because you've known her for years doesn't mean you have to put up with this crap.

Stop babysitting her kids and just back off. Leave her to it.

Tixywixy · 14/03/2019 14:23

Completely agree with AcrossthePond. She needs to put someone down to make herself feel more important/special/powerful. She also has friends that she looks up to for being more trendy, or cool, than she is so she feels cooler by association.

I also dumped a long term friend who was always one-upping me and who I'd massively supported over the years, more emotionally than practically. She was reportedly shocked. I think she liked me as a person but didn't respect me and thought she had other friends who were better. It's given me more time, space and energy to devote to other, much nicher friends. Dump her!

CharlyAngelic · 14/03/2019 14:25

You do not need it in your life.

JulianDickGeorgeAndTimmy · 14/03/2019 14:26

She isn't your friend - avoid her

Margot33 · 14/03/2019 14:33

I had a child hood friend that didn't really like me too. We spent that long together, we felt like sisters so it didn't matter when she was unkind to me. After a while we both developed separate sets of friends. We just gradually stopped speaking to one another. I used to think of her sometimes and miss her. I invited her to my wedding, she accepted then never turned up. I was most unimpressed! Roll on nine years later I received messages from her asking if we can talk. She wanted advice as she had become a mother. I just said, congratulations, wish you all the best then never replied to any other messages. I think you need to spend more time with other friends and less with your old one.

Motoko · 14/03/2019 14:34

Why on earth didn't you dump her years ago? I just can't fathom why you would put up with this shit, right from the start, for so many years!

She's not your friend. She doesn't like you (and there's nothing wrong with someone not liking you, there are always people we don't like, for one reason or another).

Stop tripping over yourself to be her whipping boy. Stop babysitting and being there for her, and put your energies into real friendships, with people who do like you.

e1y1 · 14/03/2019 14:35

She's a Jelly welly, if she's wearing same stuff after criticising it, she likes you and wants to be you :)

Or just a case of the more you do for someone, the worse they treat you.

Boysey45 · 14/03/2019 14:38

Drop her, don't have it out with her or give her a reason,just block her and move on.If she rings or stops you in the street just say that your too busy etc.
I've had this with a couple of friends, 1 got it off her Mum who was an utter bitch to her Dad. We were friends from school, she used to say things like if I was as fat as you then I would starve myself till I was thin. I was a size 16 at the time, not that massive. I dropped her and when she got married she had no one to be a bridesmaid, or friends to invite. She had to ask her cousin and a colleague she had just met in the end to help out.

Even if you've got no other friends, then still dump her, you can meet other people through joining things. Your self esteem is going to be on the floor if you continue entertaining this bitch.

JulianDickGeorgeAndTimmy · 16/03/2019 11:10

This is an abusive “friendship” you need to step away

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 16/03/2019 11:13

Why are you bothering with this nasty person? It sounds like you don’t have healthy boundaries. Friends don’t behave like she does.

llangennith · 16/03/2019 12:04

Sammypre you keep referring to this nasty piece of work as your friend. She is not your friend! Friends are kind to each other and, well, friendly.

MightyDonut · 16/03/2019 12:33

She sounds like a user. Using you to babysit and things while offering nastiness I return.
A friendship is about give and take, in your case you are doing all the giving and she is doing all the taking.
I would be bidding farewell to this so called friendship and finding friends who are worth my efforts.

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