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AIBU?

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Original poster

Name removed from headstone

68 replies

LadySherlock · 14/03/2019 06:57

First post on here so please be gentle ladies! After many years of turning to Mumsnet to view advice given to others, I now have a question I can't find the answer to. Hopefully it's because this situation is unique (I hope no one else has had to deal with this anyway!)

A friend's loved ones name was inscribed on their headstone under other names already there. The grave ownership was subsequently transferred (under some duress) from that persons direct descendant, who had become the grave owner, to the siblings of the deceased.

The new grave owners then arranged for their sibling's name to be removed from the headstone. Imagine the shock of visiting the grave only to find your loved one's name removed ☹️

OP posts:
Original poster
LadySherlock · 14/03/2019 06:57

The council who run the cemetery have said that they did not give permission for a memorial mason to make the amendment to the headstone but don't seem to want to do anything about it. They have a cemetery policy but it seems that it is not enforceable. As they don't know who did the work they can't take action against the memorial mason. All they say is that it is up to the grave owners to take any action about unauthorised works. As it is the grave owners who have done this despicable thing and paid for the work what can the family do to get the name put back on the grave?

OP posts:
NicoAndTheNiners · 14/03/2019 07:10

The person who's name was removed.....are they actually buried in that plot?

Soontobe60 · 14/03/2019 07:11

I'm presuming this is in a public cemetery as opposed to a church one. I'm not sure how ownership of a grave could be transferred to someone under duress? Was your friend the original owner, and that ownership passed to their child when they died? Therefore the child (who I presume is now adult) would have to agree to any changes in the headstone. If, however, the grave was originally owned by your friends parents, then ownership would have passed to all their children, not just your friend.
The council will absolutely know who did the work, as the stonemason needs permission to remove the headstone. They don't just turn up and take it away!

KMoKMo · 14/03/2019 07:13

How had it been removed? If it was engraved on I can only imagine an entire chunk of stone has had to be cut out leaving it very obvious a name is missing.
I’d get a copy of the cemetery policy and seek advice from CAB or similar.
How was the ownership of the grave transferred? Has that all been done properly? Why did it not go to shared ownership?

MeowthThatsRight · 14/03/2019 07:16

So the stone was removed when your friends loved one (flo) was buried there and flo’s name was added. Then gravestone was replaced. Then previous owners of the grave had the headstone removed again and flo’s name was removed. Is that right?

BentNeckLady · 14/03/2019 07:18

Is this person Kim Cattrall?

cantbearsed1 · 14/03/2019 07:35

This would be a terrible shock for your friend, but I doubt you can do anything. Generally, because there are family fights around gravestones, only the person with legal ownership can do anything.

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 14/03/2019 07:36

Is this the name of the name of person in the grave or For example, “beloved relative of Tom, Margo & Jerry” and “Jerry” has been removed?

DrMadelineMaxwell · 14/03/2019 07:43

Also wondering if it's Kim 'Liverpool's Cleopatra' Cattrall.

strangerthongs · 14/03/2019 07:47

I was thinking kim cattrall too....

flapjackfairy · 14/03/2019 07:50

Sorry to be thick but what has K C got to do with it ? I am intrigued now !

EnglishRose13 · 14/03/2019 07:56

I thought Kim, too.

Shookethtothecore · 14/03/2019 08:01

I don’t get the Kim link either?

peachgreen · 14/03/2019 08:03

Is the body of the removed person there?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 14/03/2019 08:12

Is the person whose name was removed actually buried there?

You will likely find that there are "guidelines" around this sort of thing, but they are toothless. The owner of the grave would have to be the person to take any action; and if they are the ones that made the change, there will be little that can be done against them. It's why there is such an emphasis on deciding owners of grave stones etc.

I'm sorry this has happened.

FloodedCuticles · 14/03/2019 08:14

Is the person actually buried in that plot?

hinely · 14/03/2019 08:15

It'd be worth going to your local newspaper about it - that's the only way you'll get the council to sort it out or investigate it. Sounds like they're just hoping it'll go away.

GruciusMalfoy · 14/03/2019 08:15

The Liverpool Cleopatra Grin

Original poster
LadySherlock · 14/03/2019 08:18

It's not Kim Cattrall 😂 Just had to Google her to see what you all meant.

Looks like name has either been filled in on granite headstone or completely new headstone made.

FLO is buried in the grave. Friend inherited grave ownership and added inscription. FLO's siblings then gave friend so much grief about wanting the grave papers (supposedly so they could have their ashes buried there - which friend had no problem with) that they signed it over to them. Had they known what their intentions were I'm sure they wouldn't have done it.

OP posts:
ApolloandDaphne · 14/03/2019 08:38

What is FLO? I don't know that abbreviation.

Ferfeckssake · 14/03/2019 08:45

Kim Caterell Shock She 's not dead! How bizarre.
Does your friend know why the siblings have a problem with the FLO ? Was subscription there long?

Bahhhhhumbug · 14/03/2019 08:47

'Friends loved one' Apollo had me going for a minute too

Abouttimemum · 14/03/2019 08:53

Has friend confronted them about it and asked them why they would do such a thing? Told them how upset the are and ask for it to be put back on? They sound like truly awful people