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AIBU?

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Original poster

Parents drinking WWYD

29 replies

1SugarPlease · 14/03/2019 00:49

Posting here for traffic and NC.
My Dc (aged 6) go to a youth group, when I dropped off today I saw one child's parents sat on the steps of the adjacent church drinking vodka out of the bottle. They had dropped dc off and gone and sat on the church steps. I don't know them very well, I'd only seen the child's dad (for the last 12 months) do drop off and pick up, met mum once at a show the youth group put on. Recently mum has been coming to pick up/drop off for the last 4 weeks. Mum has came across as quite odd in the terms she uses (I was asked if I was normal or stuck up, she ranted about getting a letter (that was sent home with each child) from school about parking, I later found out her or her Dp don't drive and comes across as quite aggressive in body language, her Dp has been a drop and dash, polite hello goodbye when paths crossed.
Do I report them drinking on the church steps and who too? Or am I over reacting?
They live really close to the hall so I'd assume if they wanted a drink it could be done at home in privacy. I'm concerned if they are drinking vodka in public at 5.30 on church steps what's going on home.
Apologies if I don't reply I'm working nights and only have access to my phone on breaks.

OP posts:
MolyHolyGuacamole · 14/03/2019 00:56

Not your circus not your monkeys. The parents aren't driving to pick up so that's great. As long as the kids aren't abused or neglected it isn't really anyone's business how people parent or live their lives.

Sparrowlegs248 · 14/03/2019 01:00

I'd tell the school. You're hardly sticking your nose into their business when they are drinking in public at that time of day. It could be a small piece of info that adds to a lot of other small pieces of info, which if everyone kept their noses out, could end badly.

Mintychoc1 · 14/03/2019 01:11

I would speak to the Youth group leaders. It may already be known about and the relevant authorities may be aware.
This isn’t sticking you’re nose in. It’s basic child protection.
A boy at my son’s football club was being brought up by a mum who drank whiskey from the bottle after dropping him off. Nothing was said until years had gone by and he’d had a truly dreadful childhood. It was very sad.

HennyPennyHorror · 14/03/2019 01:32

I would also tell the school if you know which the child attends. It's a bad, bad sign that their DC are being brought up in a chaotic way.

AnyWalls · 14/03/2019 01:35

How are your own children doing?

HennyPennyHorror · 14/03/2019 01:41

Walls well I'm sure they're not witnessing the effects of a bottle of vodka on the church steps. Hmm

IncrediblySadToo · 14/03/2019 01:53

So they’re sitting outside in the evening sun, having a drink, waiting for their DC to finish youth club so they can walk them home?

AnyWalls · 14/03/2019 01:58

Oh? I wasn't aware that having vodka on the Church steps had a more potent effect than vodka consumed in the home! Thanks for enlightening me.

AnyWalls · 14/03/2019 02:00

What are they witnessing @HennyPennyHorror?

Let he without sin cast the first stone.

Only word of the Bible that I live by.

avocadoincident · 14/03/2019 02:07

I think people up at this time of night are a bit grouchy.

Any person who has a concern about a child's well being has a duty to report it on by either contacting Social Services or another relevant stakeholder such as school or health visitor etc.

Child protection is everyone's responsibility and I don't think OP that you should feel like a busy body here!

Graphista · 14/03/2019 02:09

As the child of an (ones bad enough) alcoholic PLEASE tell someone.

The youth group leaders possibly but I'd err more toward the school as they are more used to dealing with such matters and will have more contact with the children and clear protocols they're used to following and probably already established contacts with local SS etc.

This is not normal nor acceptable.

BiltongBetty · 14/03/2019 02:21

"Let he without sin cast the first stone."

Bollocks to that. What if we all just shut the hell up? There'd be a lot more Baby Ps and Victoria Climbies if we all turned a blind eye.

Please report it. If it's just a couple of people enjoying vodka in the evening sun Hmm then they have absolutely nothing to worry about.

HennyPennyHorror · 14/03/2019 06:03

So they’re sitting outside in the evening sun, having a drink, waiting for their DC to finish youth club so they can walk them home?

Just lol. You make it sound like a glass of wine in the garden rather than vodka straight from the bottle on the street!

Walls Well I tell you what...I'm certainly not without sin....but just because I've harboured bad thoughts or jealous feelings, I wouldn';t ignore an obviously disturbing situation like this! What a stupid thing to say.

troubleswillbeoutofsight · 14/03/2019 06:07

I wonder how different you would feel if they had been sitting at a table outside a pub and drinking the same alcohol out of a glass?
I agree it doesn't sound ideal but unsure if I'd 'report' it

Shetlandponyranger · 14/03/2019 06:11

I think I would mention it to the safe guarding lead at school. It may be part of a bigger picture. Let’s fce it, drinking vodka straight out a bottle in the street suggests a desperation for alcohol that drinking a cider once the kids are in bed does not.

cricketmum84 · 14/03/2019 06:19

I would mention it to school. There may be other things going on too.

I agree - swigging neat vodka in public is hardly comparable to going to the pub for an hour or nipping home for a glass of wine. Swigging neat spirits straight out of the bottle suggests alcohol dependence.

RadishesAndLentils · 14/03/2019 06:19

Some very odd responses here.

Of course it's your business. I agree that reporting to the school would be your best bet.

I am a recovering alcoholic. So bollocks to the PP's "he who is without sin" nonsense. I am not saying I'm better than these people. My daughter had a chaotic childhood because of my drinking.

I hope it helps in some way.

pictish · 14/03/2019 06:34

You could mention it to the school.
Remember though, while on the face of it this seems far from ideal parenting, it’s not actually illegal to sit on steps and drink vodka. I’m not sure there’s much to be said or done about it. The mum can do that if she likes. So long as the kids are taken care of, it’s really no one’s concern. Sadly.

LuckyLou7 · 14/03/2019 06:34

Swigging vodka straight from the bottle is completely different to having a drink in a pub garden and suggests an alcohol dependency. Tell the school. It's a safeguarding issue. If there are no problems with alcohol within the home, then no harm done. But if the child is living in chaotic conditions because of alcohol issues, then they need support. The parents, too, need help to address the problem.

avocadoincident · 14/03/2019 07:17

The school may well be using a recording system for any low level worries or titbits of information, something along the lines of a programme called 'My concern'. We do in school and it's the sort of thing that I would add to the child's record. Overtime a picture builds up and worrying patterns can be identified. Even if there is isn't enough for the school or SS to act on now, if there are future worries when the child is older this incident will be on record and may boost the case.

I truly can't believe anyone is commenting that there's nothing to report here. How can people turn a blind eye when vulnerable people are involved?!

FullOfJellyBeans · 14/03/2019 07:23

wallis. Op isn't 'casting stones' she's concerned about a child. I also doubt op is swigging vodka from a bottle at home or in public.

Someone drinking vodka from a bottle in public in the afternoon is not usually someone who has their life together. If the parents lives are chaotic it will have a negative impact on the child who may need help from outside agencies.

FullOfJellyBeans · 14/03/2019 07:28

I also can't believe people are comparing swigging vodkas on the church steps to having a glass of wine in a pub garden. The former is very concerning as it suggests alcohol dependencyand if she's literally swigging vodka she's likely to be too drunk to care for her child when she collects her. If a parent was drunk collecting a child from school you can bet the school would be concerned and act on it. This is no different.

cantbearsed1 · 14/03/2019 07:28

Oh? I wasn't aware that having vodka on the Church steps had a more potent effect than vodka consumed in the home! Thanks for enlightening me.

When people ignore social norms around drinking, then yes they usually are problem drinkers.

Original poster
1SugarPlease · 14/03/2019 07:52

It's hardly nice weather, it had been raining on and off, cold and really windy.
Thanks for you comments everyone. I'm going to contact the youth organisation and speak to them about it (I'm not sure what school the dc goes too, but will ask if my Dc know and also call them).

OP posts:
Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 14/03/2019 07:54

You don’t need permission to report safeguarding concerns.

If all is well that is what will be found.

Tell the youth group leader or the school (I would usually lean towards school as having a more rounded picture, but you will know if this is appropriate).

If you are concerned about repercussions for your personal safety, you can also report Anonymously to social care.